My Essay Blog

What makes some people more successful in life than others ? What makes people happy? Are success and happiness linked ?

These are questions which has been asked for hundreds of years and many answers have been discovered and rediscovered over this time. Many of the main answers relate to how you think about yourself and the world around you and simply by changing how you think will start to have a dramatic effect on your life.

One of the first principles which you must accept is that you must take full responsibility for the events in your life. It is no use blaming other people, the government, your boss etc. for the things that are wrong in your life. You have total control over how you think and act and it is up to you to decide to be happy and successful. Happiness comes entirely from a state of mind. If you decide to be happy you will be. The more you think about happiness and success the more it will will happen. Once you accept this first point you can take many positive steps towards success.

Probably the most important of these can be summarized in the following three steps:

Assess your main target in life.

Choose a definite aim in life, one which you know is realistic for your talents and abilities, one which you know is something you really want to do and enjoy doing. Make up your mind that you will push as hard as possible towards that aim. To ensure success you must have a burning desire for this purpose and want to take the appropriate action to achieve this purpose. Write this aim down.

“Know what you want, when you want it, why you want it, and how you intend to get it.”

Set goals which are consistent with this target.

Goal setting is one of the most powerful ways to focus and achieve success. However goals must be in accordance with your main aim in life. If you strive for and achieve a goal which is not in line with your target, it will not help you to be happy even if you are generally successful. Goals can be of different length, short term, medium term or long term. Ideally have a mixture of all three. You should write your goals down, even this act alone will make it much more definite and much more likely to achieve. Read and review your goals often. Make your goals achievable and have at least some which you can see the path to achieving even if it’s not always clear how you will reach the longer term goals.

Take continuous action towards your goals.

Once your goals are written down aim to take definite actions towards these goals even if they are very small. It is essential to get into the habit of avoiding procrastination when you know there are tasks to be done. A great way to do this is to plan to only take a little action, sometimes as short as a few minutes at a time. Often this will get you going and you will devote more time to it than you originally planned, at other times you will realize that now is not such a good time, but you will have achieved a little bit towards your goal. Another great habit to adopt is to tackle the most difficult task first and get it out of the way. This usually makes all the rest of the task so much easier.

Following these easy three steps will have a very positive effect on your life and will dramatically improve your chances of success.

People go through this thing that we call life and while some are incredibly successful, there are others who just “get by” until the final curtain is drawn.

Determining your level of actual involvement in your life &ndash and thus, your level of success &ndash can be broken down into 3 categories: Desire, Duty, or Dereliction.

Desire

Following the path of desire is simply doing what you choose to do with your life. From a standpoint of health, wealth, and happiness, the person who follows their desires is fueled by one thing, and one thing only &ndash their own desires.

Duty

A life filled with a dedication to duty is one where even though you keep your own desires in mind, your primary focus always seems to be on the welfare of others. Whether you are talking about a dedication to your children or your family, or if you have a very high work ethic, the person motivated by duty always has plenty of things to focus on.

Dereliction

Dereliction is a pretty strong term, but it needs to be because this type of person doesn’t care about much of anything. They aren’t necessarily “evil” as most people would consider the meaning of that term, but this person isn’t concerned about very much. Whether considering what happens with their own life, or considering the needs of others or the world at large, this person is pretty much just floating through life without any real sense of duty or desire.

So now the question becomes which one of those personality types is most likely to succeed? Each of those people will achieve massive success on their chosen path because they are doing exactly what they feel they are supposed to be doing, and so they will continue to attract that type of lifestyle.

The person who is completely driven by their own desires and refuses to do anything that doesn’t match that direction will rarely be found engaging in any activity that is not centered around whatever it is that they want to be doing at that moment.

The duty-bound individual will continually find new ways to be duty-bound. When one commitment is handled, they will attract or create a new commitment for themselves, often without even realizing that they are doing it.

For the person who is practicing the opposite of duty &ndash dereliction &ndash their entire focus is on not focusing on much of anything. By not having any real direction for their life, and by not really caring one way or the other about what happens with other people, this person will continue to manifest that lifestyle. Their circumstances will require them to have as little input or responsibility as possible. For a more clear definition of this individual, think one word: Teenagers.

So who is right? Which one of these people is going to have the most happiness in their life?

If you define happiness as being “successful,” then each of them will be just as happy. They will each attract into their lives the people and the circumstances that will allow them to continue to successfully be exactly the type of person that they are choosing to be.

The key to determining which one of them will be the most successful does not rely on “standard” markers such as financial success, career satisfaction, personal life, etc., because those methods of measuring success only matter to the person who cares about those types of measurements.

The “starving artist” doesn’t care about financial success, at least not initially. Your average painter, illustrator, sculptor, or musician would probably do what they do for free, as long as they still had a roof over their head and enough resources to survive.

A family-focused mother or father will gladly give of their time and their financial resources, usually to the point of putting their own health, retirement, and even their sanity on the line. Yet they continue to honor what they believe to be their commitment to their children, regardless of the consequences.

The person who doesn’t much care one way or the other will happily float through life without a real financial plan, without any solid family or friendship commitments, and without even knowing what their own life is going to hold in store for them. However, they are choosing that life for themselves, so does that make them wrong?

The answer to all of these questions is that none of these people are “right” and none of them are “wrong”. They are only seen in a positive or a negative light by the person who is observing them, and they are being judged by the observing person’s belief system.

The fact of the matter is that the concepts of “right” or “wrong” don’t really exist. All that exist are the belief systems of individuals, and it is neither appropriate nor even in our power to judge others based on what we believe to be true.

The “secret of success” is that each of these individuals is 100% successful because they are doing exactly what they choose to be doing with their lives. In fact, failure itself does not even exist, as it is just another example of one person’s beliefs about what is good or what is bad.

Desire, duty, and dereliction will all bring success to the individuals who live their lives from that point of view. Not because that point of view is right or wrong, but simply because that is what that person wants to do. What greater success is there than that?

One of the easiest things to do when talking to someone is to start exchanging battle stories with them!

It simply begins by telling them about a time in your life when you went through something that you thought was devastating and how it either ruined you or how you overcame it.

Almost before you can complete your story, the other person jumps in and always seems to try to one up you with their own battle story.

Before you know it, you are in a conversation that seems to last forever because both of you are trying to outdo the other one with your stories.

If the truth be told, everyone in this world has a story to tell. Some of these stories end in tragedy and some in triumph. The sad thing is that, whether their tragedy was in the past, or they are currently experiencing a tragedy, they don’t realize that they still have the ability to turn it into a victory.

They are so focused on proving to the world that they have been done wrong, or that they are owed something for what they have gone through, they never realize that the world is slipping by.

Which category do you fall in?

Are you focused on your wounds and scars or have you been able to overcome them and succeed in life?

The other day, someone I know bought a leather couch. There was a tag on it and I found it to be very interesting. The tag said this:

“This product is not faulty or damaged. All the markings, scaring, and discolorations on this product are normal and enhance its natural beauty.”

In your own life, do you have a tag that reads like that or does your tag read more like this:

“This product has been unjustly damaged. All the markings, scaring, and discolorations on this product are the result of it being victimized. This is not normal and in no way enhances its natural beauty.”

I know that you may have had some very terrible things happen to you in your lifetime. But believe it or not, you have the ability to live your life with greatness and victory. You have the choice what your label says about you. You have the choice whether that label is a label of success or defeat.

You see, every scar, every mark, every burn has the potential to help change the lives of the people around you. How many other people have gone through similar circumstances and need someone like you to say to them:

See here, I’ve gone through the same thing. Here is my scar to prove it. I was able to overcome it and now I have greatness and success in my life. If I could do it, so can you.

Remember that greatness never comes easy. If it did, then everyone would reach their full purpose in life.

If you choose to, everything you have ever gone through, and everything that you will go through, has the potential to help you impact the lives of many other people in a positive way.

So what do you want your label to say?

“We create our lives a thought at a time. And sometimes, it comes down to changing a thought such as “Why did this happen to me?” into “There is a divine plan and there is a reason for this, and my choice is to create the most positive reaction I can.” - Dee Wallace Stone

You know that positive thinking and positive action attracts positive things. But you also know that it is not possible to stay motivated and positive all the time.

You constantly need to check your thoughts as busy activities make you forget your dreams and goals at times. In other words, live a motivated life and you will feel that your life has improved.

Here are some ideas to increase your motivation and thereby improve your life:

1. Get Close To Positive Energy

Stay away from all forms of negativity. Avoid the cynics, pessimists, whiners and complain kings and queens. They will not support your goals and desires. They will drain your energy and stifle your dreams.

Associate yourself with positive and happy people. Their enthusiasm for life is contagious. Positive and optimistic people will uplift your spirits and help you through challenging times. Also draw inspiration from Mentors and Motivation Gurus.

2. Never Give Up

Don’t ever give up. We will not fail if we keep trying. Work hard at what you want to achieve and never let negative thoughts cloud your mind. Have faith in yourself. During difficult times, you will find ways to keep your spirits up and keep moving forward. Remember, if you think positively, you will get positive results. And if you think negatively, you will get negative results.

3. Reflect On Success

There are going to be some days that will take every will power to feel motivated and move forward. What can you do? Reflect on what is happening in your life and what you can learn from it. Look back on how far you’ve come. Think of past accomplishments that make you feel good and proud of. List down all your achievements, both personal and professional, and know your worth. Don’t forget the little achievements too. These are proofs that you have made good use of your time and energy.

4. Don’t Wait, Do It Now

While it’s important to work within your plan, don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you make that move. Don’t be in limbo, waiting for perfection that will never be. If you’re waiting for a shining moment of excitement, it isn’t going to happen. Stop waiting for it.

Work within your plan and take that first step. Frustration sets in when you make all the plans you want, make lists, detail every step, but take no action. You have to MAKE it happen. Take action and repeat the action process again tomorrow.

5. Take Time To Relax Too

It is critical to take time off. We need rest and relaxation every now and then. Rest, by itself, is a great motivator. We are so busy that we can forget to relax and recharge. Even a weekend away from work, studying or watching kids can be good. You need to recharge those “batteries”, refresh your attitude, and renew your commitment to yourself. Without sufficient rest and relaxation, you will burn out fast. Taking time off from work is essential to your mental, physical, and emotional health.

To live the life you want to live, action is required. Take these simple ideas to create and improve the life you have always wanted. Start Today.

Over the last few years I’ve spoken to a number of people who want to know ‘what life is all about’.

A decade or more ago I had my own questions on this subject. Since then I have listened too and read the theories of people who seemed wise enough.

Funnily enough I think one of the wisest comments on the subject came from Woody Allen, He said, ‘I’m astounded by people who want to know the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.’

Allen’s quote simplifies it for me. We can spend too long looking at the big picture and forget about the smaller picture - our own life.

Our own life is where most of can make the most difference. Sometimes though it’s knowing where to start.

I’ve become a great believer in people gaining personal clarity. In my opinion, clarity is the number one issue we need to resolve before taking on anything.

I know some people argue for an easier flowing attitude that allows - and at times I’d agree this can have huge benefits - However, too much ‘what-ever will be, will be,’ will mean the ship will just drift. The result being, never building much that’s worthwhile.

Again and again, in coaching sessions I see clients pulling together the lose strands of opportunity and developing them with clarity into something that can make a change, both in their life, their communities and in some cases further a field.

When we understand the first pillar - clarity - the second pillar fits easily into place. Let me explain why.

In business if we know we need customers, but don’t know whether to sell massage or reiki and have a perception that what we offer is for everyone, then we’ll have a hard time attracting enough custom to pay your bills.

If however we decide what we most want to do is find massage customers, then define the section of the population that have a need for our service, we have not just found clarity, but the meaning to pursue a significant number of people who could help us provide a service they need. This is much more fruitful that the what-ever will be.

If we feel fed up with life and think that more TV or a holiday in sun is the answer, we’ll struggle to find what we need. If however, we read, go on workshops and speak with other seekers, we’ll turn the inspirational thought - that there must be more in life - into a reality.

So while the first pillar is clarity, the second is meaning. Clarity hones in. Meaning, creates the drive. Here’s an example of how I put everything in this newsletter into something that works.

When I have a flash of inspiration, I let it settle. I play with the idea in my mind and explore it.

When I began coaching people, I knew I could coach on many things, I advertised all kinds of things to everyone and found a few clients, but never quite enough.

Then I considered where I bring the most hope and inspiration to people and the type of people that seem to seek me out most often.

What I decided was that people who find me are most often open-minded people who want to establish their own business. They’ve identified that something holds them back - anything from lack of confidence to cash - and they want my expertise to unlock them from this spell they don’t seem to be able to break.

In life, years ago, I knew I wanted to create something better. At first I didn’t know what that was and I read hundreds of books, went on all kinds of workshops and met many people, until it became clearer to me what I wanted my life to be about.

Having decided what I wanted, I had the meaning to engage other people into my dreams. Where our dreams matched, magic happened, and still does.

You’ll find some useful tips below…

1. Understand it’s okay to drift sometimes.

2. Keep a keen eye out for moments of inspiration that can shape your future reality

3. As things take shape, start to work out how you can help the process, create clarity.

4. Write your clarity down. Make it 1-2 sentences.

5. With clarity meaning will follow and you’ll find like-minded people easier to engage on your mission.

Love and good wishes

Neil

What we want changes overnight; what makes us want it hasn’t changed in thousands of years, nor will it change in thousands more. The serious student of marketing can learn much from early analysts of motivation. Here is a bit of George French’s “The Art and Science of