My Essay Blog

Here’s a definite sign that something has made it into the collective consciousness:

Oprah features it on her show.

If you’re at all inclined in this way, you’ve probably already seen ‘The Secret’.

Here are my thoughts on this:

I love ‘The Secret’. It’s absolutely phenomenal. I wholly recommend it if you haven’t seen it yet. It may just have an impact on your life.

I believe completely in ‘The Law of Attraction’ and know that it is at work in my life and the lives of my students, my family, and everyone who has the inclination to pay attention to this.

What is the Law of Attraction?

Whatever you concentrate on, is what is drawn to you. If you focus on your lack of money and fret about your debt, you will get more ‘need’.

However, if you concentrate on ‘attracting’ money, you become a money magnet. You attract more affluence.

This isn’t just about money, but about absolutely everything in your life. Health and wellness, love, relationships, sex. . . as well as business, converting prospects to clients. . .

Of course, there are naysayers–people, who in an attempt to make a name for themselves–have decided to tear down ‘The Secret’.

What does this have to do with persuasion? And why would someone want to trash it?

The Secret is certainly in the news and many people will use things in the news to piggyback. In fact, I love to use the piggybacking strategy myself when I get a chance. And I guess you have to take a stand one way or another on things, so this group of people chose to take a negative stand.

If you’re like me, you probably don’t agree with everything you hear from any source.

The next question I have is, do you agree with everything you’ve heard about ‘The Secret’? I, for one, do not.

But let’s not throw the baby away with the bathwater. Just because there are a few things I don’t believe in, doesn’t mean there’s not a whole lot of value to be gained. It’s like taking the position. . . “Well, money can be used in a negative way so I don’t want to have anything to do with money.”

If a person objects to positive mental thinking, positive mental attitudes, and the sage advice that has shaped our nation and most all of the successful people in the world today that have followed along the footsteps of great thinkers of our time, then I guess someone could genuinely be upset with ‘The Secret’.

But what in particular did ‘The Secret’s’ detractors pick on? One thing is that ‘The Secret’ talks about our own personal responsibility and says that, “We all choose our own reality. Even the people of Darfur consciously chose their plight in life.”

And to that, the people who were criticizing ‘The Secret’ responded, “That’s nonsense. ‘The Secret’ is a cult and it’s saying things that are blatantly untrue.” The frame the naysayers are putting on this is “cult”.

I absolutely do not believe that the people of Darfur or people who suffer terribly wherever they are consciously chose to be where they are. In an attempt to entertain, ‘The Secret’ may have gone too far.

When you consider it, however, many millions of people believe in something along those lines.

And perhaps people who believe in reincarnation and karma would agree that we don’t consciously choose our lives, but have unconsciously chosen. And like the Buddhist traditions, I believe it’s possible that we’re here to learn and that life is a school. Not all lessons this school has to offer are pleasant ones.

Through the perspective of reincarnation they might believe that we choose our parents, we choose the country we’re going to be born in, and we choose to live the lessons that earth has to give us such that one day we don’t need to come back anymore and we can evolve to a higher level.

I’m not asking you to believe in reincarnation, but can you see that with this belief as the basis for the premise of ‘choosing’, then it might be reasonable for ‘The Secret’s’ makers to say something like, “The people in Africa who are starving have chose their plight in life so that they could experience these difficulties to learn how to overcome them or simply experience a life of poverty”?

I think the answer is absolutely yes. They didn’t choose them consciously; they chose them before they came into this earthly experience.

Why should we tear this theory down?

I have my own beliefs and thoughts. I believe we need to be responsible. I believe we need to be careful, but to deny the value some people have derived, just to tear it down, I just can’t fathom.

What we want changes overnight; what makes us want it hasn’t changed in thousands of years, nor will it change in thousands more. The serious student of marketing can learn much from early analysts of motivation. Here is a bit of George French’s “The Art and Science of

“A great title is a work of genius,” said E. Haldeman-Julius in the 1920s.

Haldeman-Julius sold 200 million (really) of his “Little Blue Books.” His headlines were his product, because he sold his books by the title. About halfway through his brilliant marketing career he wrote a book called “The First Hundred Million,” in which he shared some of his secrets…

EHJ had a system.

Change is the key to our success and to our financial future. Often in our own lives, however, change is something we fiercely resist. Even when achievement sits on our doorstep, we’re still too comfortable to make an adjustment. The very first place to look for transformation is within. When you take ownership of yourself, your life and your income, you are on your way to harnessing success.

I learned early in my life that if things needed to change, it was up to me to change them.

I have had the great pleasure of working with Jim Rohn, who inspired me to new levels of success and happiness. When I first met Mr. Rohn, I was sitting at a dinner table with ten other people. I grabbed a seat near him and just wanted to listen to his words of wisdom and conversation. When a lull in the conversation arose, I was caught off guard when Mr. Rohn asked me about my goals, dreams and aspirations. In response, I began to talk about many of the roadblocks I had experienced in my pursuit of success. I listed all the reasons why I wasn’t able to achieve my goals and dreams. I let him know who was to blame and insisted none of it was my fault. I thought I had made a pretty good case and then the hammer dropped. Jim looked at me and said, “Kurt, for things to change, you must change, and for things to get better, you must get better.” That brief moment in time changed my life forever. It was then that I realized that everything I wanted in life is on the other side of change, not the other side of excuse. I also realized that no matter the excuse (good or bad), it would not produce results.

If you want to make the same kind of transformation in your life, the first thing you have to do is take an honest look at yourself and where you are. You can’t make changes if you won’t acknowledge what needs to be changed. Where are you starting? What is your current situation? If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be? It is only from honestly assessing where point A is that you can develop a well-defined, well-planned route to point B. Then the next obvious thing to determine is where or at what point B is located. In other words, what exactly are you aiming for? What do you want?

Now is not the time to be timid.

Don’t shortchange yourself because you want to be “careful” or “reasonable” or you don’t want to “rock the boat.” Shoot for the stars! You’ll define the path to get there, but first you have to know what exactly you’re even trying to reach. In other words, you must begin with the end result and then work your way backward. You have to know exactly where you want to go and what you need to change to get there. Sometimes, people are actually afraid of being “too” successful. To be brilliant or amazing might actually be a scary proposition. As success comes into sight, you might feel a lot of responsibility weighing down on you. So, how successful should you be? How healthy should you be? How wealthy should you be? How strong should your relationships be? Consider the following powerful quote from Nelson Mandela:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World.

There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.”

&ndash 1994 Inaugural Speech

We are unique creatures. In spite of the seeds of greatness that lie within us, we seem to program ourselves to do the least amount possible to get by. That is, we often do only what is necessary to survive. I see this tendency with my students at the local university all the time. Their mentality is: What is the least amount of work I can do to pass this class? They are paying top dollar to get their education yet rarely do you see a student take advantage of all the learning that is at her/his disposal. We see symptoms of the same mental laziness, lack of progress and resistance to change in the workplace, too:

What is the least amount of work I can do to get a paycheck and not get fired? When we are in this lazy mindset, we can’t find happiness, and as a result, our souls start to rust.

The challenge is that we often don’t see the consequences of our behavior fast enough.

Time ticks by, and by the time we’re even aware of how off course we’ve gotten, years have flown by. We live in a society where we want the quick fix, the easy way out.

Unfortunately, however, that is not how life works. If it takes someone five years to gain twenty pounds, why does someone else think he can completely lose it in a couple weeks? Another example is fast food. We know it’s not good for us, and yet hey, nothing bad happened today after I had that super-size order of fries. The consequences of the unhealthy food will take time to manifest, but in the meantime, the instant gratification of a fast and delicious meal now overpowers concerns about the future that, in the moment, seem immaterial. Imagine if every time you ate at a fast food restaurant the consequences were immediate. You took a bite and felt a bulge near your midsection. If that were the case, it wouldn’t take long before you changed your ways.

There are thousands of habits and patterns in our lives that fit the instant gratification scenario. Another example is debt. So what do we do when we’re constantly confronted with such difficult choices: immediate pleasure versus future gain? What do we do about it? You would be very wise to make a habit as soon as possible of analyzing your life on at least a weekly basis. Determine what you want to change now, not after years of reinforcing the wrong habits. The saying goes, “Old habits die hard” and it’s really true.

Stop destructive cycles now before the strands that bind you become impenetrable rope.

Without changing your action, your wishes and hopes will only be whims that never go anywhere. It’s time for you dreams to start to bear fruit!

So, are you ready to welcome change into your life? Good! Remember, as Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” Once you have recognized the need to change and have embraced the opportunity to change, then you will need to start organizing your plan of action. Think backward. What is the big picture? What are the major phases within that big picture? What are the steps within each phase that will move you from one point to the next? It is worth pointing out here that you must be careful not to let the opinions of others dissuade you. I’m sure you’ve experienced this before&ndashyou’ve gotten yourself all excited and pumped up, you tell someone you really care about all your great plans and they barely listen or care. Or worse, they start pointing out all the reasons why your plan isn’t going to work or why it’s a bad idea. Crash! You can’t remember the last time you felt so deflated.

I’ll admit that it is hard to stay focused and persistent when people spit on your dreams. Fear of failure, fear of what others will think&ndashthese are totally normal feelings. But you can’t let them debilitate you. Napoleon Hill said, “The fear of criticism robs man of his initiative, destroys his power of imagination, limits his individuality and takes away his self-reliance.” You are destined for greatness. Follow your heart not the useless criticism and discouragement of those who have forgotten how to live and dream.

So many people assume that if they don’t try, then they can’t fail. If they don’t try, no one will criticize them either. The tragedy of this mindset is that they will fail by virtue of never having even attempted to succeed. George Shinn once said, “Growth means change and change involves risks, stepping from the known to the unknown.” I have always loved the phrase “jump and the net will appear.” Consider the fact that most of the fears we face in life are not life-and-death matters. And yet, we are so gripped by our fears that it’s almost as though they were life-and-death matters.

The next time you feel yourself paralyzed by fear, stop and honestly assess your feelings.

What is the worst thing that could really happen? Are the possible setbacks really life-or death situations, or are they just opportunities to learn and grow, even if they are sometimes unpleasant or painful? Reflect on the fact that almost all successful people have their stories about where they came from and what they had to go through to achieve success. What’s more, it’s rarely a rosy picture. It might also be worth asking yourself what the worst thing is that could happen if you do nothing. Chances are the consequences might be more severe in the case of inaction versus action. Either way, there is a price to be paid. Do you want regrets or do you want results? We say no to some things because we are saying yes to other things. You just need to be sure you know what hangs in the balance either way. Sometimes it is the realization of the imminent, stark reality hitting us in the face that provides the momentum for change. Whatever the motivator is, just don’t let fear stop you from forging ahead.

You’ll find that most people are in some way irrational, even superstitious. They may be “superficially” superstitious and base their behaviors on things that have no basis in reality. They may be literally superstitious and think that some action or inaction will irrationally effect their desired results.

Uncovering someones irrational belief is easier that you might think. Simply observe and you’ll see it.

You can also test it out.

What would happen if you could uncover their irrational belief and use it as a tool to drive their thoughts and actions? You would be using their “map” of the world to influence them. That’s true mind control.

To influence someone in this way, it’s important to just assume that people have some irrational fear, belief or superstition. Then uncovering those fears, beliefs and superstitions is all a matter of just observing and asking yourself “Does this persons response have a logical origin?” What you’ll find is that answer is almost always “No.”

Most people will in fact behave according to events based on automatic reactions that are completely irrational. They often do this because that reaction has worked for them in the past… sometimes only ONCE, but it’s enough for them to conclude that it’s the best response they have.

Other people will be more overt with their superstitions and demonstrate what Karl Jung called a “complex” in which strong emotions are triggered automatically as if they were programmed to respond this way by trauma. Guess what? It’s very likely they were!

Begin to look at peoples behaviors and run them through the “irrational belief” filter and you’ll see just how often this behavior occurs.

You can test it by simply asking their opinion in a “what would do” type of fashion. Most people love to believe that you value their opinions and will tell you eagerly.

To take advantage of this new information see what you can do to use it to influence them your way. You can do this by presenting them an two options one of which would trigger this irrational belief.

In most cases it’s always best to only point out the irrational belief to them as a last resort of influencing them.

Regardless of how you use this new insight you’ll always seem much wiser than you are if you act unaffected and “above it all” as if you are wise, compassionate and filled great wisdom based on a rich life experience.

For the most part, we are all conformists. We will do what the crowd does. We might not like to admit that, but it is true. Only 5 to 10 percent of the population engages in behavior contrary to the social norm.

We see this law operating in groups, in organizations, in meetings, and in day-to-day public life. In all of these circumstances, there is a certain standard or norm. In churches, the moral code determines the standard behavior acceptable for the group. In organizations, the bylaws and years of tradition establish a standard operating procedure. Because we want to fit into these groups and maintain our membership with them, we conform our actions to the norm.

We seek to find out what others are doing as a way of validating our own actions. This method is how we decide what constitutes “correct” behavior. We see the behavior as more correct when we see others doing it. The more people do it, the more correct it becomes. Professor Kirk Hansen of the Stanford Business School demonstrated this when he boosted downloads for best-selling files on the Web by downloading those files over and over himself so the counter was artificially high. He and his team then observed that these boosted downloaded files were downloaded even more frequently. The high number on the counter indicated popularity, and people were most interested in downloading the files that were already ranked the highest. Whether the question is what to do with an empty can of soda at the park, how fast to drive in the city, or how to eat the soup at a restaurant, the validation of others give us our answers and therefore guides our actions.

We feel validation when we see others do what we want to do. We learned early in life that we make fewer mistakes when we follow the social norm. There are two types of norms: explicit and implicit. Explicit norms are openly spoken or written. For example, road signs, employee manuals, or game rules are all examples of explicit norms. Implicit norms are not usually stated openly. For example, you usually don’t have to be directed to say hello or to smile when you see someone, but you do it anyway. Or, somehow you know better than to put your feet up on the dinner table when you’re a guest in someone’s home, even though your host most likely will not request that you refrain from doing so.

If we don’t know the norm, we look around and find it. The Law of Social Validation becomes a way to save time and energy in figuring out what is correct. We use others’ behavior to guide our own actions, to validate what we should or should not do. We don’t always have to look at the positive and the negative in every situation. This automatic trigger saves us from thinking. We compare what we do against the standard of what everyone else is doing. If we find a discrepancy between what we observe and what we do, we tend to make changes in the direction of the social norm.

Social validation compels us to change our behaviors, our attitudes, and our actions, even when what we observe doesn’t really match our true feelings, style, and thoughts. We go against our better judgment because we want to be liked, accepted, and found in agreement with everyone else. When we are part of a crowd, we “no longer feel individually responsible for our emotions or actions. We can allow ourselves to shout, sing, cry, or strike without temperament imposed by personal accountability.”

We seek out social norms to help us know what we should be feeling or doing. For the most part, this is not a conscious process. We subconsciously accept many ways of behaving that are determined by our surroundings and the actions of others, such as raising our hands to speak in class, tipping in a restaurant, or how we behave at a concert. When we become part of a group, our once divergent emotions and feelings tend to converge.

When we find ourselves in a foreign situation where we feel awkward or unsure of how to act, we look for those social cues that will dictate our behavior. This could be at a party, during freshman orientation, or even while attending a family gathering. When the social information we are seeking is at all ambiguous, we don’t know how to respond and thus continue seeking out social clues. Imagine if you were sitting in the movie theater enjoying your show when somebody shouted, “FIRE!” Do you think you would jump up and run for it? Well, if everyone else did, you would, too. If everyone remained seated, you would remain seated also.

Making a character out of the advertiser brings the message alive. Maxwell Sackheim is most famous for inventing the Book-of-the-Month Club. But before that, he invented some dramatic, and dramatically successful, advertising.

One of his patented techniques was to make a character out of the advertiser, writing ads as if the clients themselves were actually talking. One Sackheim client was Frank E. Davis, “The Gloucester Fisherman”.

There’s only one way to know if your advertising copy is any good. It’s the same way that your customer knows it&ndashit sells!

We are not all born copywriters, but we are all born customers. As a natural born customer, you can recognize good copy…

Step outside yourself and read the copy fresh: does it reach out and connect with you, does it hold your interest, does it promise something real that you really want, does it convince you?

“It has been said that advertising space without good copy is like the wooden Indian in

front of a cigar store:

So the concepts behind NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) sound interesting to you and you’re wondering where to get started with implementing such strategies. You will probably face the question as to whether it might be beneficial to your life and business to hire an NLP coach. Each year there are thousands of people who benefit from scientifically based coaching programs, and a coach can help you design a specific plan of action using proven techniques. Sure you might be able to pull together a plan on your own, but this article will share how a coach might have the expertise and experience to help you shape your future and live life more fully, and right now.

Coaching has become a widely popular service and is familiar both to big business through corporate coaches and to television audiences through the popular show “Starting Over”. Coaches who utilize NLP concepts believe every person has the potential and ability to realize their dreams. An NLP coach can help you understand what you want from your life and what you will do to get it. A coach can help you clarify your goals and remain focused until you achieve them. While you build your confidence, improve your skills and achieve your goals a coach can guide, encourage and instruct using proven neuro-linguistic practices.

An NLP coach isn’t going to do the work for you, but will help you design a plan to achieve your own success. As you already can guess, a professional coach is likely to have an arsenal of proven techniques, tested and perfected through their own practice. Aside from that, a coach is going to have the advantage of being a neutral third party who has no emotional attachment to your past failures or successes. The observations of a coach are more likely to be clear, and the insights could possibly be more accurate, because they are in a position to view your behaviors more objectively than you, a friend or a member of your family could ever do. A coach is also more likely to be up on the latest techniques and advancements in NLP practices. All of these advantages can be combined to help you fully realize your potential, achieve higher levels of personal effectiveness and self mastery.

Since the premise behind NLP technique is that you can recreate success by doing what the successful people do, why not consider following what thousands of other successful people have done and get the outside assistance of a trained and professional NLP coach?

Your first clue to the truth about advertising was written more than 100 years ago.

Let me tell you the story of a young, confident copywriter by the name of John E. Kennedy. Early one May evening in 1904, Kennedy, a former Canadian Mountie, sat in a New York barroom.

He sent a note upstairs to the office of A.L. Thomas, the head of the Lord and Thomas advertising agency. “I’m in the saloon downstairs,” the note began, “and I can tell you

what advertising is.