My Essay Blog

There is a polarity in everything in life…. happy and sad, rich and poor, fat and thin. It is the contrast and the differences between things that can really help us clarify what we want in life. When it comes to creating your life there is the having and the “not” having.

In order to create what you want in your life you need to focus on what you want, in other words “the having”. If you want money, you need to focus on money. If you want a relationship, focus on having the relationship of your dreams. If you want a fit and thin body, focus on being fit and thin.

The problem comes because we all have a tendency to focus on the “not having” that we are going through at the point of time. I assume that if you are trying to create something it is something that you don’t have as yet. And what I am saying is that that is the problem. If you are focusing on the “fact” that you don’t have it as yet then that is your point of attraction and that is what you are creating more of. If your mailbox is full of delinquent bills everyday it is difficult to focus on the money that you want. If you are overweight and the scales won’t budge it is difficult to focus on being fit, thin and at an ideal weight. If you eat dinner alone every night it can be difficult to focus on that relationship and it makes it more elusive than ever.

But in order to consciously “create” the life of your dreams and have the money, the relationship, the health, the fit body, whatever it is that you want, you must focus your attention upon it. That is where visualizations and even daydreaming comes in. What will it take to give you the feelings of having it now? That is how you will consciously create the life of your dreams. You get what you are “feeling” about. If you are feeling bad about the debt that arrives daily in your mailbox that is what you are creating…more debt and more feeling bad!

It can be difficult to control your thoughts. I think we can all agree on that. So rather than trying to control your thoughts all the time try a strategy I am going to call “chunking”. Consciously set aside a chunk of 15 minutes at a time to consciously visualize what it is that you want. You can even do it when you are doing something else, driving, exercising, or vacuuming the house. During that time daydream and see the final result in your head. Imagine what you would feel, see, hear, touch if you had your heart’s desire. Use as many senses as you can. If your mind wanders back to unpleasant thoughts during the 15 minutes develop the discipline to go back to your daydream. Enjoy your “daydream chunk”, do it as many times as you can, once a day, twice a day or more.

If you develop this discipline you will be well on your way to consciously creating your heart’s desire.

From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was demanding of attention, especially from her mother, Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a “special” place in the family as the baby and the only girl. She made sure to establish a “special” relationship with her mother, who relished the connection since she didn’t have much of a relationship with her emotionally distant husband.

It was easy for Jennifer to control her mother’s attention. Because her mother was needy for emotional connection and afraid of not being liked, all Jennifer had to do was get angry at her mother and Sarah would capitulate, giving Jennifer the attention she craved. Jennifer learned early to control her mother by becoming angry, critical and withholding love when her mother didn’t do what she wanted. Unwittingly, Sarah contributed to Jennifer’s neediness, entitlement issues, and the belief that happiness was dependent on approval and attention from others.

Jennifer, now in her late 30’s, finds herself continuing the pattern she started with her mother - attaching to others in needy and demanding ways. The result is she has not been able to have a successful relationship with any of the men she has dated.

We all have a need to feel special. It is not the need that is dysfunctional, it is how we go about getting the need met that can be either dysfunctional or healthy. It is dysfunctional when we make others responsible for making us feel special. When others have to give us attention, compliment us, seek us out, and attend to our wants and needs in order for us to feel special, our behavior is dysfunctional.

HEALTHY SPECIAL-NESS

You will stop pulling on others to make you special only when you accept the full responsibility of making yourself feel special. This means learning to give yourself all that you may be trying to get from others &ndash treating yourself in the loving ways you desire from others. There are many ways of making ourselves feel special. Instead of trying to get others to give you what you want, you can:

* TAKE EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Attend to your feelings throughout the day and explore what you may be doing that is causing painful feelings, rather than making others responsible for your feelings.

o Attend to your own needs rather than expecting others to meet your needs.

o Accept yourself rather than judge yourself. Validate yourself, approve of yourself &ndash tell yourself the things you want to hear from others. Value your talents and gifts.

o Value your intrinsic worth rather than just your looks or performance &ndash your kindness, compassion, creativity, caring.

o Behave in ways that you value &ndash being loving, kind, integreous, compassionate, understanding, caring.

o Pursue work you love, work that fulfills you, if possible.

* TAKE PHYSICAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Feed yourself well to maintain health and appropriate weight.

o Get enough rest and exercise.

o Create balance between work and play and creative time.

o Make sure you are physically safe such as when riding a motorcycle.

* TAKE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Make sure you are financially independent rather than dependent upon another, if physically able to do so.

o Spend within your means to avoid the fear and stress of debt.

* TAKE RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY:

o Stand up for yourself and speak your truth rather than complying, defending or resisting in the face of others’ demands or criticism. Don’t be a victim.

o Refrain from blaming others, with anger and criticism, for your feelings and behavior. Don’t be a victim.

* TAKE ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Do what you say you are going to do regarding time and chores.

o Make sure your living space and work environment are clean and tidy, and esthetically pleasing.

* TAKE SPIRITUAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Take the time to connect with the love and truth of God/Higher Power.

o Take time throughout the day to bring the love down to the level of your feeling self &ndash your Inner Child.

Treating yourself in these loving ways will eventually result in feeling internally special rather than needing others to make you feel special.

As Jennifer practiced making herself special, she discovered that her relationships with others were becoming stronger and more fulfilling. People were no longer pulling away from her, resisting her, or defending themselves against her demands for attention. Her behavior naturally and gradually changed with others when she was treat herself as a special person.

Time management is a big concern for a lot of people. I keep hearing, “There are just not enough hours in the day…” or “Where does my time go?” Face it we all live busy lives. Work, family, and other commitments keep us all hopping. To utilize better time management, it’s important to recognize what the specific problems are. Is it not having enough time for you or your family? Do you feel that you are wasting time by excessive driving? Maybe you are not sure where all your time is going and just want to account for it. Or you could have a full schedule that you are having a hard time keeping up with. Whatever the reason, time is a precious resource that most of us need to use to its fullest.

The most important step in time management is evaluating our schedules. On a sheet of paper write up a “typical” week for you, by looking at your current schedule you will be able to identify places where better time management could be use. Ask yourself why you are feeling unsatisfied with your schedule? Make a list of what you want to change and what you want to make room for. Do you want more time to peruse interests? More time to be with your children? Or just more time to get everything done?

After you have done this take a piece of paper and draw three columns. In the first column put a list of all appointments, events, or commitments that are “set in stone”, things that take place at a set time and happen daily, weekly or monthly. Such as work, club meetings, or standing doctor’s appointments. In the second column put “flexible” tasks or commitments that can be done around your “set in stone” commitments, such as grocery shopping, house cleaning, or having lunch with a friend. In the third column put those “occasional” appointments, doctor appointments, a school play, or an old friend coming into town (or anything that does not fall into the other two columns).

Then using a calendar (preferably one with large spaces for the days) Or use a notebook and label each page a day or two (depending on how much you are trying to accomplish daily or weekly.) Start putting in the items from your three columns, starting with the items that are “set in stone” then the items that are occasional, leave the “flexible” items to last since you are able to put them in around the other things.

The objective is to balance out your days and to maximize your time. Why make a separate trip to the pharmacy when it is on your way to your son’s soccer practice? I always try to plan appointments in the same area on the same day, this reduces my travel time and gets the most out of my day.

The biggest thing to consider is: Are you doing too much? No matter how well time is managed there is such a thing as an overload of commitments. Time management is not just about structuring your week so that you can get everything accomplished. It is about creating a manageable schedule that will give you time for the important things in life. So, before looking at your time management skills look at what you are trying to juggle.

Include things that you want to do but just don’t seem to have time for in your day. What is the sense of managing your time better just to fit in more work? A part of time management is balancing so that you can have time to enjoy the fun stuff in life too.

If you are so booked solid that you can not schedule an hour and a half of quality family time, an hour of time with your significant other, and at least at the very minimum 30 minutes &ndash 45 minutes of time for yourself then you have too much on your plate and it is time to ask for help to relieve yourself of some commitments. Being run down and worn-out will not assist you in better time management, in fact it will hinder it.

The clock ticks non-stop and the time passes by. Time used to pass even when the clocks were not there. What is time and how it affects us in our thoughts, shall we examine? Let us go to our childhood days. We were small kids. We had no worries, no need for inspiration and no goals. Our only goals were to find new ways to play and look at everything curiously.

Everything has changed. Now our perception of life has changed totally. If we are in our youth or middle age, we are worried about many things. We have to plan for money. We have to set goals and achieve them. We are becoming passionate and frustrated with many things. On and on, we are changing. Why? Time has brought these changes. If you are an old person, go back to your formative years, then to youth, then to middle age and then now and think about how everything is changing. Technology is changing life, but that apart, our own thoughts are changing. As the outer world is changing, so is the inner world.

The playful curiosity of childhood is long lost. The stamina and determination of youth is lost, the worried thinking of middle age is lost and all is replaced for most of the old people by thoughts of only a creaking body. The diary notes are less about attending parties and more about visiting doctors. The conversations are less about career and more about the joint pains. For a large old population, the body becomes the center. For a lucky few, mind becomes the center. They become very philosophical.

Time is a constant that changes constantly. Nothing can stop it. But with changing times, we change. So the question is- who are we? Because if our body and our thoughts are undergoing changes at every moment, what is the constant in us other than our name? Nothing. This thought can bring a new perspective in our life. Why have fights, why be intolerant, why carry rigid positions, why worry so much, why suffer over losses and why do all this that we do. After all, time will change everything.

When we buy anything new, we care so much for it. We look at that object with love and display it lovingly. Maybe a new dress or a new car, any such object. Slowly, as time passes, the object gets old and then gets discarded. That is life. If we keep this perspective in our life at all the times, it will bring a new peace in our mind. Keep a clock screensaver on your desktop or a screensaver on seasons, or one with clouds. These all will always remind us about the change that is taking place with every second. Remembering that thought during all the times can surely bring a sea change in our thoughts forever and that change will be good.

Are you maximizing your strengths and promoting your talents at work? If you have sharp analytical skills, have you sought to apply those skills to your current job? I know it sounds crazy to ask for more work when you are already overloaded, but any assistance that you can provide now will ultimately help you advance in your present position or in a future one.

You have gifts and talents to offer the world. Your current or potential employer desperately needs to use your talents NOW, especially since they are focused on increasing revenue.

Just what ARE your talents and how can you apply them to your career?

1. Discover Your Hidden Talents

a. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

b. How can you capitalize on your strengths and improve your weaknesses?

c. Can you enhance your strengths and dissipate your weaknesses by learning on-the-job or by taking additional classes or training?

2. Promote Your Talents Within

a. Once you have an analysis of the talents you have to offer, start promoting them. If you don’t tout them, then no one will.

b. Talk with your boss about helping out the team. Your pathway to the top is by being someone who can be counted on.

3. Take Action

a. After you tell your employer about your hidden talents and your ideas for using them, you must live by your words. Remember your integrity is at stake and that means something.

b. Using your talents is not a one-day project; it is a way to live and work more effectively every day. So go out there, and put your talent to work!

It may be hard to focus on your talents when the world around you is so uncertain. Put your worries behind you, and your best foot forward. You can be proud of your effort no matter what the future may bring, because you swung out and gave it your best shot.

Getting up on the wrong side of the bed can affect the way you feel and perform at work. Your negative persona can be portrayed to fellow employees. Being unsatisfied with the work you are doing, as well as being unhappy with your pay can impact your work as well. Because work motivation can fluctuate daily, several approaches can be utilized to help maintain a positive motivation. They are as follows:

Tone and gesture:

A positive vocal tone, along with calm mannerisms, is most important in the work environment. Without these things, everyone around you will be affected in some way by your bad or frustrated mood. Production will go down, along with employee moral. To keep a positive head on your shoulders, try to steer clear of irritable people. Tell yourself, “I have a job to do and I have to do it the best that I can.” If you see someone having a rough day, extend a smile or a nice gesture. Remember that your positive manner can help improve someone’s negative tone.

On-the-job expectations:

Bosses organize and distribute projects to employees; however, sometimes the boss does not clearly state the main objectives. This often causes confusion and irritability among the workforce. If you are not sure exactly what is expected of you, be certain to check in with your boss to discuss what needs to be done. This will not only clarify to you what you job is, but it will also show your boss that you are concerned and have a great deal of work motivation.

Continue to learn and improve skills:

Consistently improving your skills and knowledge is a sign of work motivation. Learning and improving skills for work can be achieved in many ways. Companies send employees to business seminars so that employees can improve their skills. Many seminars teach employees how to stay focused, how to deal with stress, how to improve self-esteem, or how to improve skills (such writing, computer skills, or drawing). Attending business seminars give you work motivation to apply what you learned while on the job. Also, if your company has an educational assistance program, take advantage of it. Most companies will pay for you to take college level courses, if they are directly related to your job. You can talk to your boss or your Human Resources Director about how to begin the program.

Make Time For Others:

Taking time out of your busy schedule to help a fellow employee with a project illustrates that you are a dedicated team player. This is also a recognizable form of work motivation. It is also beneficial to you, because often times when you help someone, they will one day return the favor.

Do not forget that work motivation starts with a positive attitude. You have to take responsibility for your actions in the workplace and show others that you are dedicated and hard working. Only then will you be a highly respected employee.

One of the easiest things to do when talking to someone is to start exchanging battle stories with them!

It simply begins by telling them about a time in your life when you went through something that you thought was devastating and how it either ruined you or how you overcame it.

Almost before you can complete your story, the other person jumps in and always seems to try to one up you with their own battle story.

Before you know it, you are in a conversation that seems to last forever because both of you are trying to outdo the other one with your stories.

If the truth be told, everyone in this world has a story to tell. Some of these stories end in tragedy and some in triumph. The sad thing is that, whether their tragedy was in the past, or they are currently experiencing a tragedy, they don’t realize that they still have the ability to turn it into a victory.

They are so focused on proving to the world that they have been done wrong, or that they are owed something for what they have gone through, they never realize that the world is slipping by.

Which category do you fall in?

Are you focused on your wounds and scars or have you been able to overcome them and succeed in life?

The other day, someone I know bought a leather couch. There was a tag on it and I found it to be very interesting. The tag said this:

“This product is not faulty or damaged. All the markings, scaring, and discolorations on this product are normal and enhance its natural beauty.”

In your own life, do you have a tag that reads like that or does your tag read more like this:

“This product has been unjustly damaged. All the markings, scaring, and discolorations on this product are the result of it being victimized. This is not normal and in no way enhances its natural beauty.”

I know that you may have had some very terrible things happen to you in your lifetime. But believe it or not, you have the ability to live your life with greatness and victory. You have the choice what your label says about you. You have the choice whether that label is a label of success or defeat.

You see, every scar, every mark, every burn has the potential to help change the lives of the people around you. How many other people have gone through similar circumstances and need someone like you to say to them:

See here, I’ve gone through the same thing. Here is my scar to prove it. I was able to overcome it and now I have greatness and success in my life. If I could do it, so can you.

Remember that greatness never comes easy. If it did, then everyone would reach their full purpose in life.

If you choose to, everything you have ever gone through, and everything that you will go through, has the potential to help you impact the lives of many other people in a positive way.

So what do you want your label to say?

“We create our lives a thought at a time. And sometimes, it comes down to changing a thought such as “Why did this happen to me?” into “There is a divine plan and there is a reason for this, and my choice is to create the most positive reaction I can.” - Dee Wallace Stone

You know that positive thinking and positive action attracts positive things. But you also know that it is not possible to stay motivated and positive all the time.

You constantly need to check your thoughts as busy activities make you forget your dreams and goals at times. In other words, live a motivated life and you will feel that your life has improved.

Here are some ideas to increase your motivation and thereby improve your life:

1. Get Close To Positive Energy

Stay away from all forms of negativity. Avoid the cynics, pessimists, whiners and complain kings and queens. They will not support your goals and desires. They will drain your energy and stifle your dreams.

Associate yourself with positive and happy people. Their enthusiasm for life is contagious. Positive and optimistic people will uplift your spirits and help you through challenging times. Also draw inspiration from Mentors and Motivation Gurus.

2. Never Give Up

Don’t ever give up. We will not fail if we keep trying. Work hard at what you want to achieve and never let negative thoughts cloud your mind. Have faith in yourself. During difficult times, you will find ways to keep your spirits up and keep moving forward. Remember, if you think positively, you will get positive results. And if you think negatively, you will get negative results.

3. Reflect On Success

There are going to be some days that will take every will power to feel motivated and move forward. What can you do? Reflect on what is happening in your life and what you can learn from it. Look back on how far you’ve come. Think of past accomplishments that make you feel good and proud of. List down all your achievements, both personal and professional, and know your worth. Don’t forget the little achievements too. These are proofs that you have made good use of your time and energy.

4. Don’t Wait, Do It Now

While it’s important to work within your plan, don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you make that move. Don’t be in limbo, waiting for perfection that will never be. If you’re waiting for a shining moment of excitement, it isn’t going to happen. Stop waiting for it.

Work within your plan and take that first step. Frustration sets in when you make all the plans you want, make lists, detail every step, but take no action. You have to MAKE it happen. Take action and repeat the action process again tomorrow.

5. Take Time To Relax Too

It is critical to take time off. We need rest and relaxation every now and then. Rest, by itself, is a great motivator. We are so busy that we can forget to relax and recharge. Even a weekend away from work, studying or watching kids can be good. You need to recharge those “batteries”, refresh your attitude, and renew your commitment to yourself. Without sufficient rest and relaxation, you will burn out fast. Taking time off from work is essential to your mental, physical, and emotional health.

To live the life you want to live, action is required. Take these simple ideas to create and improve the life you have always wanted. Start Today.

Are you looking for someone who will hold you accountable to achieving your goals? Career coaching and mentoring may be what you need to accomplish what you really want in your career. Your friends and family certainly love you and want the best for you, but they can’t always make the time to devote the necessary hours you may need to achieve your objectives and goals. Your friends and family have objectives and goals that they are looking to achieve as well.

Coaching is one of the best investments that I have made. Although there are many coaching packages that you can choose with becoming a coaching client, generally speaking, the coach and client usually have a weekly call, which lasts from about 45 to 55 minutes. Email communication is usually included between each coaching call.

I have worked with many terrific people who were extremely talented and were over qualified in the position in which they were working. I could only imagine how much happier and productive they would be if they had hired a career coach to work with them.

Why should you consider hiring a career coach?

1. You have someone who is focused on your objectives and goals.

Your coaching calls are all about you. Your coach will hold you accountable for your actions to achieve your goals. Many career coaches have graduated from CoachU (.coachu.com) and have been educated and trained on holding clients accountable to achieving their goals.

That’s why many coaches offer a free initial consultation. This initial consultation will better determine if you and your potential coach are compatible. There’s nothing wrong if a particular coach and you are not compatible. The same principle applies with other professional services. You may not be compatible with every accountant, lawyer, contractor, plumber, hairdresser, mechanic or web-designer.

2. You have someone who is objective toward you.

As mentioned before, you have family and friends that love you and they may think that any work you do is awesome, but you are generally getting a subjective opinion. A coach would be able to objectively prepare you for such events as a job interview, calls from clients, querying an editor, writing a resume and getting better organized.

3. Someday leads to a town of Nowhere

How many of us have always said that we wanted to do things such as write a book, start our own business and switch careers? When did you want to start doing those wonderful things? I have done all three by working with a coach! From what I know of myself, I would not have done these things had I not been working with a coach. I might have looked back and thought shoulda, coulda, woulda. I didn’t want to look back years from now and have those regrets.

4. Coaching Can Be A Great Investment

Coaching can cost a lot less than many seminars. What is the total amount of money that you have you spent on self-help items, such as books, audiocassettes, CD’s, Videos, DVD’s and seminars? Did you spend hundreds &ndash maybe thousands of dollars? What kind of rate of return did you get on your investment? Did you achieve your objectives after you read that book, listened to that CD, watched that DVD or went to that seminar? The aforementioned items most likely contained great information on how to achieve your goals. But did any of those items personally hold you accountable and ensured that you achieved your goals?

Like any other professional service, coaching costs money. Coaches are educated and trained professionals who provide valuable services. If your sink needed fixing and you had no idea how to fix it, would you hire a plumber to fix your sink? Hopefully! A plumber is paid to do something with specific measurable results: fix your sink. If your career needs fixing, what would you do? Coaching goes beyond specific measurable results. Can you put a price on having a career that you love?

I have always wanted to become a writer. My coach taught me how to write more effectively to express my point, get the attention of editors, and get my articles published. I cannot put a price on what I have learned by coaching!

Have you ever heard the saying, “Where there is a will, there is a way”? For the average person trying to lose weight, this particular phrase is so easy to say - yet so difficult to do. Whether you are struggling to shed a few unwanted pounds or to plummet ten pants sizes, success often depends on weight loss motivation.

Why lose the weight?

Looking slim and trim for your ten year class reunion. Fitting into your wedding dress when the ceremony is just weeks away. Securing a spot on your college wrestling team. Avoiding heart disease. To succeed, everyone needs a weight loss motivation that will make them want to put down the fork and step away from the double chocolate fudge cake.

So ask yourself: What drives you to achieve your weight loss goal? Deep inside, you must have a vision of what you want to look like and why you want to look that way. What feelings will weight loss make you feel? Confidence? Health? Happiness? Without knowing the answer to these questions, what prevents you from going to your favorite fast food restaurant right now and ordering three cheeseburgers and a large fry? At least realize the answer to that question: NOTHING.

Develop a strategy:

Once you have discovered what your weight loss motivation is, you can then create a plan to achieve your desired weight. Before you jump on the treadmill and start running, however, it is a very wise idea to put together a weight loss strategy.

Below you will find a sample strategy:

-The first thing on your weight loss strategy list should be to get a scale and place a blank notebook on the floor next to it. Now comes the hard part. Each and every day, make it mandatory for yourself to weigh in. (Note: It is important that you weigh in at approximately the same time of the day, every day. This will make your weight reading the most accurate.) Seeing your progress or failure in writing each day can be a superb motivator. You simply cannot hide from the facts.

-Next, it is a wise idea - especially if you have no will power - to remove from your home the junk food that you can’t trust yourself around. You don’t need to get rid of every little item with more than 100 calories. But if you know you can’t stop yourself from eating just 20 chips… get rid of the bag! And for some extra motivation, try hanging a picture of your favorite swimsuit model on your refrigerator door. That may stop you from eating that cream puff.

-Part of your weight loss strategy can even include one of the most motivating things around: a friend or family member who will take a walk with you on every lunch break, or who will sign up for an aerobics class with you. Don’t forget: the people around you can be a great weight loss motivation. Use them to your advantage. You may opt to go to Burger King at lunch time, but chances are if you have a health-conscious co-worker to take walks with, he or she will motivate (or guilt) you to exercise and eat an apple instead.

No one ever said that losing weight was easy. But if you ask yourself what your weight loss motivation is, figure out what your driving force is, and use some simple motivating strategies, you can achieve what you desire. There is always a way if you have the will.