My Essay Blog

CHANGE is often daunting for people as it is associated with ones routine being changed and ensuing instability.

Remember, that when people describe being in a rut, they are frequently referring to situations which have stayed the same for a long time. They have lost INTEREST and MOTIVATION.

If you are HAPPY with how your life is, then you would not be considering CHANGE at the moment. - (Unless it is imposed upon you.) For the purposes of this article, let’s assume that this is not the case.

• Ask yourself whether your thinking has had anything to do with how your personal situation is and particularly with regard to any sense of dissatisfaction.

• Are you someone who tends to look on the downside of things?

• Does this push people away from you?

• Does it mean that you avoid taking risks instead of seeing opportunities in your path?

• What have the implications of this meant for you?

Have a think about the questions posed and try putting down some answers on paper. This is useful as you will be more likely to take on board statements you have written, see the enormity of this for you, and implications regarding your future HAPPINESS.

If you are unclear about how you think, MONITOR your THOUGHTS over a week by concentrating on what your thoughts are in particular situations and writing them down.

(Some people experience THOUGHTS in the form of IMAGES. They not only think about a bad thing happening but “see” it as a series of images.)

What are your thoughts about how your life might be like if you made CHANGES and thought in a more POSITIVE way?

The first step to make CHANGES to your way of thinking is to become more CONFIDENT.

The use of POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS is a powerful tool to enhance CONFIDENCE. (Please see article re POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS.)

ANCHORING. This is a way by which we are able to pre-programme our subconscious so that we associate a particular desired feeling with a behavioural response which we can trigger for ourselves whenever we require to. This can take the form of words or a gesture or both.

Examples Reciting a mantra

I AM RELAXED

I CAN DO IT

SNAPPING YOUR FINGERS

CLAPPING

SHUTTING AND OPENING YOUR EYES

Try seeing yourself in a situation when you have felt CONFIDENT. Whilst you are with that feeling, use the technique you have decided upon to ANCHOR this feeling. You should repeat this exercise regularly over a week and you will eventually be able to elicit the desired response easily. (If this is difficult for you, read my article on RELAXATION) then go through the process again while you are in a relaxed state.

Practise making CHANGES.

Do something different that you have wanted to do for a long time but have perhaps been put off by others or been too afraid to take the risk .Don’t think about it too much or you will generate negative thoughts and talk yourself out of doing it.!

DO IT!

Reflect on the exercise.

• Write down what happened.

• Did you ENJOY it?

• Did it give you a sense of ACHIEVEMENT/

• If something undesirable happened, don’t allow this to put you off of doing things again. EXPLORE the series of events and look for the LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES it has created for you.

(Please see article on TEFCAS. This is an acronym describing the process by which we make CHANGES and learn.)

CHANGES come in many forms.

If we decide upon a CHANGE for ourselves, or it is an anticipated CHANGE, it will cause less difficulty for us as we have the OPPORTUNITY to prepare for it. We feel as though it is under our control to at least some extent. The types of situations which fall into this category may be, a change of job, moving house, a new baby.

At other times, CHANGE may be enforced upon us. Here we feel as though we are not in CONTROL and that something is being done to us. This is often associated with a sense of LOSS. Examples here may be a family death, down sizing a house, an unwanted divorce.

We may hold onto feelings of negative emotion, resentment, bitterness, which only serves to make us feel even more out of control.

In all loss situations, there will be a grieving reaction as in bereavement.

(Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance) to a greater or lesser extent. We do however still have to cope with any CHANGE in the best way possible. The sure thing is that it will happen .If we take more CONTROL of the CHANGE it is more likely to happen in a way of our choosing.

It can be useful to find mechanisms to help us COPE with the CHANGE.

• Think about a previous situation you may have ruminated over and take any learning cues from this.

• Write down all of the POSITIVE things which may come out of a proposed CHANGE. (Be prepared to THINK about this. The possibilities may not be obvious. This may be especially so if you are resistant and adamant that things should not be different.)

• Reward yourself in some way if you are able to come up with more POSITIVE alternative outcomes. (A good MOTIVATOR!)

• Use of HUMOUR to diffuse situations. May also put you in a better mindset to try and think more POSITIVELY.

• Try confiding in someone else how you are feeling. It can be helpful just to know someone else is prepared to give you the time and LISTEN. They may also help to get things more into perspective. There could be the benefit of sharing of experience and helpful strategies given about how they have managed in previous situations.

Are you looking to arrange an appointment with a life coach. There are many people who feel they need a boost of self-confidence or self-esteem. In this article I write about some of the advice you may receive at these sessions.

I am one of these people who at many times in my life have felt down and depressed about various issues that I have had in my life. I have worked hard and had a lot of advice about how to deal with these problems and am now far more confident and content with life.

I always wanted to be liked by everyone and found it difficult to say no when invited to say a party, even though in truth I did not want to go. If I did decline an offer, I would feel guilty and if for example a friend asked me why I did not want to go and perhaps even called me boring for not going, I would often end up changing my mind. This would be because I did not want to be known as boring by anybody and also because I was quite a weak and fragile person.

From reading life coaching and positive thinking books, I realised I had to become a far stronger person, more care-free and to have more respect for myself. I decided that if I did not want to go somewhere I wouldn’t, whatever anyone said. This new found attitude would not be easy to carry off but I was determined to give it a go.

I was soon to be tested, it was at one of my friends(Ian)houses. He was trying to organise a night out for the following Saturday. I was not at all interested in going out on that particular night for various reasons. Eventually Ian asked if I wanted to go and I said that I didn’t. That answer was not enough for him and he proceeded to question my reasons for not wanting to go. I felt all of the eyes of the people present descend on me and I felt quite awkward. Normally in this situation I would give some excuse but instead I asked him why I needed to give a reason and why my answer of no was not enough for him. He seemed quite shocked at my strong response and moved on to question and nag someone else.

I felt proud of my success and have continued to adopt a similar attitude since.

I am a firm believer that people should try to make the most out of each day that they are alive. We all have to die at some point and even though this may seem a little morbid it is true. Today or tomorrow could be our last day and therefore this is why we should be living each day to the full.

Each day I read and watch the local and international news stories which make me aware of some very sad events. People who are very young are dying each day in a variety of different circumstances and I am very much aware that I am not immune from one of these tragic events. No one can say for sure that they are going to live until lets say seventy years of age, most people I think presume that they will, which could be seen in some quarters as a good thing. Thinking positive they say is the right way to think, which I have to admit is something I also agree with.

My attitude is that I need to work to live where as other people seem to live to work. It is like they would rather be at work than at home having fun or spending time with their family. I know a number of people who have young children but who leave their house at around half six in the morning and do not return home until seven at night. This is not because they are poor but because they will take on any extra hours as way as overtime that is offered to them. I personally would rather spend time with my children than be stuck at work and feel that my life is enriched in this way.

When I am on my death bed in what I hope will not be for a long time yet of course, I want to be able to think and say to myself that I have no regrets and that I am happy with the way I have lived my life. At the moment I am lucky as I am able to watch my children grow and mature as people. From the work that I do, I am able to take my family on holiday each year and can afford to pay all of my bills. Some no doubt might say that I should work a lot more hours than I do, I would then be able to buy a better car and would be able to take my family on two holidays per year. What I would say in response to this however, is at what price would I be able to obtain this? I would have to sacrifice much of the quality time I have with my children, would not be able to take them swimming and to the park as often as I do for example. I hope and think that my children are very happy at the moment and this in my opinion is priceless. I will not compromise this in search for a better standard of car etc.

I used to constantly worry about what might happen to me in three or six months time. Will this or that happen? If it does how would I be able to cope? I am of course worrying in these situations about things that have not even and may never happen. This I have now realised is pointless and even very silly. I should be living for today, I should be making the most of today, I will think about tomorrow, tomorrow. I will deal with any problems that come my way in the best way that I can at the time when they happen, that is all I can do. By stressing about them before they happen will only stop me from enjoying myself on that particular day.

Now is the time to stop the stress, worry, fear and depression. There is a good chance that we only have one life, so lets enjoy it.

The word confidence has several nuances. When you have faith in a person or something, that is confidence; when you believe in your capabilities, that is self-confidence. But when you believe too much in the capability of persons or things, that is overconfidence.

People always associate confidence with success. People who succeed have displayed self assurance. They can talk in front of a crowd without cringing inwardly or becoming speechless with fright. The can talk to their bosses without stuttering. They believe they can do a project without much supervision. They don’t get scared easily and can react with calm and composure in any upsetting situations.

Being confident does not mean you have to brash and offensive. It simply means you can sail into any situation without having agonizing seizures of insecurities.

Having confidence is separate from having self-esteem; it is about capability of doing something with panache. Self-esteem has something to do with valuing the self.

Have you ever wondered how some people can speak to an audience with ease? They do not only go through the process with such infuriating calm but they can also get people to accept their ideas.

Confidence is not inborn. It is a result of constant practice and effort. There are several ways to have that kind of self-composure. First keep physically and mentally fit. The mind and body jive is vital to develop positive thoughts. Listen to the way you talk to yourself. Do you always say I can’t do it or do you hear your self saying I want to do it?

Repackage your self. Have a new hairstyle or hair color. You may also want to join fitness program. Maybe you need a change of career, make new friends, and even list your good traits. This will rev up your positive feeling about yourself.

Knowing about what you really want helps you get an edge over others. Knowing how to get what you desire is also another weapon in your arsenal.

Observing people can give you some useful tips. There are really so many things you can do to help yourself gain a level of confidence.

But if you feel you can’t do it alone, you can get professional help from licensed hypnotherapists. They will help you re-channel thoughts in your subconscious mind. Perhaps you would like to undergo self-hypnotherapy. This can be done in the privacy of your home.

How fine life would be if we all felt like a million dollars 24 hours a day,7 days a week! We would never, ever feeling like we have woken up in a pit, full of self confidence lows, having the energy to just jump out of bed and meet the day with loads of enthusiasm and knowing that we are going to get through the day without worries of any kind. The sun will shine all day, with just enough breeze to keep our bodies cool. Life is good, oh so good.

NOT if you are a person imprisoned by low self confidence, it so is not. Low self confidence is a very nasty characteristic to have inside us. It makes us feel weak. It makes us lose faith in our actions and dreams. It can even stop us from going forward in our lives with relationships. It allows so many ugly negative thoughts to take hold of our minds. Some will even try to escape this gripping emotion through the comfort they feel in their eating patterns. Some begin to trust the emotion that creates mistrust, in order to derail their thinking, only setting them up for a history of jealous explosions.

We begin to act selfish, constantly thinking that every action made is directed at us in some negative way or that we are the butt end of the joke when we see people laughing and happen to be looking our way. We feel that we are being compared with others. We feel we cannot ever do anything right. We see negative in every word that is said about us. We want to share our pain and loneliness, so that everyone around us can feel equally sad. We become habitual riders on the roller coaster of self-pity. We want to be the only person in the world with any good qualities. We want our partners to see only us and desire only us. We want our partners to only have fun when we are around them. We do not allow ourselves to have fun because we are allowing our selfish habit of low confidence to stand in our way. Notice all the WE`s in this paragraph.

Our negative trap is working well, isn`t it? The trap of low self confidence is what will trigger all the lows in our emotions such as: low self-esteem, low energy levels, low sexual desires, low positive thinking, low care in personal hygiene, low desires in life period.

Imagine watching a movie, and in this movie there is a person trying to get through life struggling with all the WE`s that I have just described to you. Would you not be thinking, or if you are like me yelling, at them to STOP? Would you not be thinking of ways to help them? Weird isn`t it? The person in that movie is you, all you have to do is step outside of yourself, and your ability to fix all of those WE`s is so simple. We always think that we look funny in pictures, but when we look at other people in pictures, we do not criticize them or pick them apart. Well neither does anyone do that to our picture. We are our worst enemy when we allow low self confidence to take priority in our minds.

How does one fight this horrible war against ones self? Habits are a very, very good way. I have done blogs on habits many times. Hmm. Wonder why? Probably because it is through creating positive thinking habits that we can drowned out the negative stuff that controls are world of peace and happiness. I am not saying it will happen over night. I am not saying that it will happen after one time of defeating the negative. What I am saying is that the more we feel that we are just as special as anyone else in the world, or ask ourselves, will this issue that is causing me so much pain and agony mean anything tomorrow? If this is my last day on earth, do I want to spend it like this? Try to feel like you are all new every morning. Nothing that happened yesterday will defeat our day today. What may seem so devastating in that second, really is only because we are allowing it to feel that way. Changing your track is a very important thing. I don’t care what you have to think about in order to do that, just do it. Think about anything to get your mind to change. Eventually the your mind will do that on its own. Yes, it’s all habits and only you can do this. This is something you must do for you. Your self respect will guide you and give you strength. The higher you build your self confidence, the stronger all of you becomes. Then you will be able to defeat all of the negative emotions that fight to control your thinking. Do this for you. It’s no different than quiting smoking, exercising, taking care of yourself, even cosmetic surgery. All of these changes can and should only be done with your best interest as your goal. No one else really cares in the end. How you live your life and find happiness is totally up to you, so kick low self confidence in the BUTT!

I know that if you really want something, you can and will get it. That’s a fact my sweet people! Make the WE syndrome turn into a non selfish WE. Think of everything and everyone around you as a positive element that you need to create your positive habits. As I have said so many times: If only we lived in a perfect world!

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“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

-Buddha

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“Every day I live I am more convinced that the waste of life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used, the selfish prudence that will risk nothing and which, shirking pain, misses happiness as well.”

-Anonymous

Dorothy Lafrinere

Owner/Operator

Website- .womensselfesteem.com

Weblog- .justblogme.com/Dorothy

Forum- womenselfesteem.proboards29.com

email- dorothywomensselfesteem.com

Throughout my dealings with women from all over the world, I have met so many that are in a prison of pain and frustration. Through my website, they search desperately for a way out of this prison. They want so desperately to be heard.

Her Cries for help are genuine.She is not inventing her worries, nor is she so bored with her life that she is imagining things and creating her own miseries.

Her Cries for help are misinterpreted as nonsensical emotions. They are even viewed as insecurities. Some even become very defensive towards, “Her Cries for Help”, and take it as a personal attack of mistrust.

Her Cries for Help, are not without reason. How can anyone actually believe that a person would deliberately cause so much upheaval in a love relationship over and over again? Who has the issues there? I have to wonder sometimes, exactly who is being deliberate?

These women are in constant conflict with uncontrollable emotions. They not only have to try to disconnect from their own person within, but they have to try to interpret them to an outsider and can only hope that person can hear, “Her Cries for Help”, through her words.

These women are in need of an understanding that it is not them. This ugly reaction is a serious attempt to reach out to you for help. When something occurs time and time again, do you not start to wonder if maybe there is something more to her reaction than just what’s on the surface? Surely a person that claims to love, cherish, and endure all negative and positive would know that the love of their life is in some kind of turmoil that she cannot escape. So then why do you assume everything from PMS, to mistrust? Is it not so obvious that she is not willingly hurting your relationship? Is it not obvious that she is in a hold of some kind that is controlling her? Can you not see how much, seeing you in confusion is tearing her apart piece by piece? Do you not think that she knows her reactions are causing a wall separating your ability to reach out to her?

Pretend for one moment that you are gagged and hand tied and someone else is speaking and acting for you. You can see them and you can hear what they are saying, but cannot do anything about it. You can see your loved one suffering from the intruders acts. Your guts are wrenching because you are in fact unable to stop it. This is maybe a little bit of what she feels like when her emotions entrap and imprison her and cause her to react in ways that boggle your mind.

Her love for you was in fact the trigger. Her love for you helped to lower her defenses and allowed this monster of negative emotions to creep in. Now she battles with it and fears what she cannot control. Her mind works over-time building defense walls to keep out this intruder that is so strong-willed and controlling. Her Cries for Help continue; for that is her only way of escaping this torment that in fact both of you are tangled up in. She searches for ways to rid herself of this horrible trap that she has somehow fallen into. She will never stop trying as long as she knows you will be there and that you know in your heart that it is not her deliberately sabotaging your love relationship. Your love and understanding is her strength. It is the ultimate weapon to fight and win this battle of imprisonment.

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“Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it”

- Harry Emerson Fosdick

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“I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life - whoever you are, whatever our differences.”

- John Denver

Dorothy Lafrinere

Owner/Operator

Website- .womensselfesteem.com

Weblog- .justblogme.com/Dorothy

Forum- womenselfesteem.proboards29.com

email- dorothywomensselfesteem.com

Most people at some stage of their lives will become the victim of bullying. People may think that this only occurs at school, however a lot of bullying also occurs in the workplace and even by your local neighbours. This article describes how I have learnt to deal with these nasty people, by playing what I call the nutter card.

At school I was an obvious target for a bully. I had a speech impediment known as a stutter or a stammer. I was always struggling with my weight and was larger than most of my other classmates and I was the shortest male in the class.

The bullies saw me as easy prey and I was. I was not sure how to handle these people and they made my time in high school quite depressing. I did not tell anybody of the abuse I was receiving and could not wait to leave at the age of sixteen. I have to admit that at this time in my life, I was quite weak and a bit of a wimp.

I believed that in the workplace this would not continue to be a problem as I would be working with adults. How wrong could I have been?

I was employed in an office environment and one of my duties was to answer the phone and to also make outgoing calls. Having a stuttering problem made this task very difficult for me. I would often travel to work feeling physically sick.

There was one main bully who made my life hell, his name was Gary. Gary was one of the most popular people in the office, he was a bit of a rebel and the ladies loved him. He was a big, strong man who loved to play rugby at the weekends. He would often come to work on a Monday morning bragging about how many pints he had downed on his Saturday night out, and about how many women he had slept with. I thought it was all rubbish and that he had probably stayed in with his mom watching the television. Other people worshipped him like some sort of God.

Gary constantly took the mickey out of myself and would mimmick my stutter at regular intervals. I tried to not let it bother me, but it did. I let this continue for nearly year and by now I was feeling very depressed and was ready to quit.

I then read a book about the subject of bullying and it wrote about something which they called, playing the nutter card. Basically at for example work, you can be who you want to be. Nutters come in all shapes and sizes and if you threaten the bully in a strong enough and convincing manner, they will normally back off, as most bullies are cowards.

I decided to be brave and give it a go. I could not physically hurt Gary as he is twice the size of me and twice as powerful. He does not know the people in my circle of friends though, I needed to convince him that they could.

On the day when I actually went for it, it had not been planned. I never really believed that I would do it, even though I wanted to. On this particular day however, the abuse was constant and very upsetting. I was really mad and clocked out of work and went to wait by Gary’s car, but hidden behind a tree.

Gary eventually approached his car and went to unlock the door, as he did I jumped on his back but quickly fell off. He turned round with a shocked look on his face, however was happy when he saw that it was me. I started swearing at him and told him that I had had enough. I informed him that a number of my friends are a bit tapped in the head, but that they would do anything to help me. If I told them the abuse he was giving me, they would not be best pleased and would basically beat him to a pulp. I warned him that if he ever took the mickey out of me, that I would tell them and that he would then have to wait for his punishment to take place. I then ran off shaking.

The next day I went to work in a nervous state, I am happy to report he fell for the bait and was as good as gold after that.

In conclusion, do not let people bully you. Do whatever you have to, to gain the power back and to live life free of these horrible people. Good luck.

This article is about how to gain confidence and how to increase self-esteem. I am a person who used to be a very negative thinker, I would always believe that I would fail in whichever task I was attempting to do. I have to say that I did not really like myself and seemed to be constantly down and depressed. I have managed however, to turn my life around and will explain in the article how I managed to do this. I hope you find it enjoyable to read.

As I was growing up through childhood into adulthood I felt that I was rather unlucky. I had a speech impediment (a stutter/stammer), a bald patch on my head which was the size of a ten pence piece, I constantly struggled with my weight (I was basically fat) and I am quite short for a male at five foot four. I looked at other people in my community and especially my friends and felt very jealous of them. I would often think and ask myself why I had so many issues to deal with.

The problems in life which I had, especially the speech impediment seriously dented my confidence and I became a bit of a loner. I felt uncomfortable mixing in groups and always believed that people were laughing behind my back and talking about me.

I had an inner voice which I call my demons. They would be constantly talking to me, advising me to avoid situations and to avoid taking on tasks which they said were beyond me. They made me feel very stupid and worthless. I would listen to these demons and would basically do or not do as the case may be, whatever they told me to. I agreed with them, that I was not good enough or able to take on those certain tasks. I often wondered what life would be like if only I get these horrible gremlins out of my head.

I was not happy with where my life was heading or how it had been in the past. I wanted to be successful, confident and free from these demons.

At the age of twenty-two I decided to wage a war on these demons, a war I was determined to win. I started to read many books on self-confidence, thinking positive and mind over matter. Progress was not exactly quick and it took me many months to start to make any headway.

I needed to basically think more positive, be more assertive, and far more care-free. I learnt that in life all you can do is to try your best. Life is very short and can end at any point, therefore I need to make the most of it and live life to the full and not as a scared rabbit, which is what I had been doing. Stressing or worrying about a situation makes it harder not easier, therefore why do I do it.

These are all easy to say and write, however are extremely hard to implement. Implement I must, I thought. During my war, there were many battles with these horrible demons, some of which I certainly lost. I kept on talking to the demons telling them that they may have won the battle but that they will not win the war.

I did eventually win my war after quite a long period of time. I now like myself and am pleased to report that I have also overcome the speech impediment.

The main lesson that I learnt is to do the opposite of what the demons tell you to. They are the devil and they lie therefore we have to stop listening to them.

Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals.

Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:

* I will feel good about my self when I’m making $______(fill in the amount) a year.

* I will feel worthy when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy) (loving) (fill in own) person.

* I will feel worthy when I get enough approval from enough people.

* I will feel adequate when I have a baby.

* I will feel adequate when_______( fill in desired outcome that you attach to your sense of worth).

However, there are many people who have all of the above and still do not feel a deep sense of self-esteem. That’s because self-esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby.

Self-esteem, or the lack of it, is solely the result of how we treat ourselves. Those people who attend to their own feelings and needs with loving action on their own behalf feel good about themselves, while those people who ignore, invalidate, or judge their own feelings and needs feel badly about themselves.

For example, Anna grew up with parents who were hardworking and very caring about their children, but who didn’t take good care of themselves. Both of her parents smoked, drank too much, and didn’t eat well. Neither of them took responsibility for their own feelings, so both of them were anxious or depressed much of the time. Even though her parents were loving to her, Anna does not take good care of herself, having had no role modeling for personal responsibility, She doesn’t eat well or get enough exercise, doesn’t stand up for herself at home or at work, and doesn’t get enough rest or playtime. She is very attractive, makes lots of money, has a husband and children, yet often feels very insecure.

If you imagine that her feelings and needs are like a child within, you can begin to see why she doesn’t feel good about herself. Treating herself badly will always result in feeling badly. You might be tempted to think that she treats herself badly because she doesn’t feel good about herself, and that’s true, but she will not feel good about herself until she treats herself as a worthwhile person. Her good feelings will come from her loving action toward herself. The more loving action she is willing to take on her own behalf &ndash taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, relationship, and spiritual responsibility &ndash the better she will feel about herself.

How can Anna be motivated to take loving care of herself when she doesn’t feel good about herself? It seems like a vicious circle, yet there is a way out. Anna doesn’t feel motivated to take care of herself because she thinks that who she is, is her ego, the wounded part of herself whom she doesn’t like. Yet if Anna opens to knowing who she really is - that she beautiful and perfect child of God, that her essence, her true Self is a spark of God, created in the image of God - she will want to take loving care of this wonderful soul within.

When Anna begins to take loving care of herself, her wounded self &ndash the part of herself that has low self-esteem &ndash begins to heal. The more Anna feeds herself well, gets enough exercise and rest, speaks up for herself and tells her truth, takes care of her financial situation, organizes her time and environment, treats others with kindness and compassion, and opens to her spiritual Guidance or Higher Power, the better she will feel about herself. Self-esteem is the result of taking loving action, not the cause of it. Since we all have free will, we each have the choice to take loving action on our own behalf.

It doesn’t matter how badly you were treated as a child, or how badly your parents treated themselves. Your actions need never be governed by your past. If you devote yourself, moment-by-moment, to taking loving action on our own behalf, you will discover that the result is high self-esteem.

People we meet and have to see on a regular basis can have a negative affect on your life and self-confidence, but only if you let them. I am a person who would get dragged down by any negative comment made from a friend or by my boss for example. This article is about how to deal with these situations and how to not let these people and their comments make you feel like a second class citizen.

A few years ago I met a client(Ian) who described a similar scenario to me. He had been very successful in business and had reached the level of director in the company where he worked. We were discussing this very subject and he admitted that he had an over-aggressive boss who I think was the chairman of the company. I can not remember the chairmans name, however for the purpose of this article I will call him John.

Ian thought that John played a kind of business game, where he wanted to be seen as the boss and where he wanted everyone to be scared of him.

This was the situation Ian described to me. John would e-mail him in the morning with a question asking why the north-west of the country had not been as profitable in the last quarter compared to its usual levels. He would ask Ian to meet him in the afternoon to discuss his findings. Ian would then contact his line managers and would then write a report before attending the meeting with the chairman.

Ian was a person who had a slight speech impediment, a stutter. He would be able to talk fluently most of the time, however if he felt nervous or if he felt under pressure, he would then start having problems getting his words out and would stutter. Ian also had words he thought of as difficult and would often avoid these type of words. He was very careful when writing his report only to include words he felt confident he would be able to say.

In the afternoon who would go and meet John and present his report to him. He stated that he would have no problem with his speech at this stage and that the presentation would be delivered smoothly and fluently.

On hearing the report, John would not make any comment and would instead basically just stare at Ian, slowly nodding his head up and down at the same time. Ian described this as making him feel very uncomfortable and was just praying for the silence to end and for his chairman to say something. The words from the chairman would not come and so to break the silence Ian would then continue speaking giving more reasons which were probably not correct and that were certainly not planned. These words were also not spoken fluently but with Ian struggling and stuttering.

I had a little think about what Ian had told me and felt angry at John.

I eventually came up with a suggestion. I advised Ian to end his presentation with a question, for example, this is what I believe are the reasons, however I would value your opinion as chairman of the company.

He can then nod and stare for as long as he likes, it is his turn to talk next and Ian can sit there comfortably and just be patient.

It is very important that we do not let people like John drag us down. It is time to be strong and to stand up to these people.