My Essay Blog

What is stress?

Although we tend to think of stress as caused by external issues, issue in themselves are not stressful. It is the way in which we interpret and react to them that makes them stressful. People differ enormously in the type of events they interpret as stressful and the way in which they respond to such stress.

Stress is generally created when the demands made on a person start to exceed that person’s ability, or perceived ability to cope. Essentially a gap is created between what a person needs/wants to do, and what they feel they are able to do.

Many things or even the anticipation of them can lead to stress:

* Pressure to achieve/perform

* Problems at work

* Bullying

* Financial problems

* Arguments

* Family issues

* Divorce

* Bereavement

* Depression

* Unemployment

* Moving house

* Alcohol or drug abuse

Physical Symptoms of Stress may include:

* Tiredness

* Headaches

* Frequent colds

* Trouble sleeping

* Muscular aches/tension

* Nausea

* Sweating, feeling hot and bothered

Emotional and Mental Symptoms of Stress may include:

* Anger

* Anxiety

* Depression

* Irrational fears

* Mood swings

* Irritability

* Frustration

* Poor concentration

* Confusion

* Loss of sense of humour

* Negative thoughts

* Feeling of overwhelmed

* Feeling out of control

* Loss of motivation

Tackling stress

There are many strategies that can help you deal with stress:

* Realise that it is ok to be stressed and cut yourself some slack

* Try to understand what stresses you and why

* Avoid obvious stressful confrontations/situations

* Learn to be more assertive

* Take regular exercise

* Reduce alcohol

* Eat a balanced healthy diet

* Recognise your limits and learn to say no

* Organise your time better

* Keep your work/home space organised and tidy

* Talk to friends or family

* Listen to relaxing music, or read

* Take time out to relax

Alternatively you may benefit complementary therapies like aromatherapy, acupuncture and reflexology.

If your stress level is making it impossible for you to function as normal, it is perhaps worth seeing your GP as extreme or long-lasting stress can be very bad for your health, not to mention your relationships, so it is better to see a doctor sooner rather than later. Your GP can then advise you on the best course of action.

Complimentary English lesson of the day! What is an oxymoron?

oxymoron- as defined at dictionary.com. Noun : conjoining contradictory terms (as in “deafening silence”)

Can silence be deafening??? Can time be managed???

I can’t think of a program that I have ever done that didn’t include the oxymoron “time management” as a common problem identified by the participants attending. Since most of my work is with sales people or sales managers I thought I might take a moment and address the issue of time management as it relates specifically to those functions. There are many strategies we can use to get control of the time we have, here are a couple of ideas that might help you.

First, let’s define the problem and identify that “time management” is really a symptom of the inability to manage and set priorities. No one yet (to my knowledge, call me if you know the secret!) has found a way to manage time. We cannot control the hands on the clock or when the sun rises and sets. We can only manage and control what we do with our time. So, the real issue is not managing time but managing what we do with the time we have, making sure that we spend it on the most important priorities.

Second, you must understand and be willing to accept the fact that there will never be a day when you get everything done (except of course the day you die!). Until you are willing to accept that reality that you will be constantly frustrated by your inability to get everything done. More important, however, is that thinking you can get everything done will cause you to make promises of delivery (goods, services, favors or other deliverables) that are unrealistic. Let’s make sure we are thinking correctly about the problem or we’re doomed to repeat it.

If you understand that you can’t get everything done, then you must decide what needs to get done and what can be put off (for later, or forever!). Everyday you need to make a list of what needs to get done and then take a minute and prioritize your list. For many sales people a good way to prioritize is getting into the habit of identifying and doing things that have the “highest likelihood of making you money or losing you money”. These tasks are often referred to as “money tasks”, and are often the most stressful tasks on the list (see post “clean out your locker”, 9/24). Particularly, if you are a commissioned based sales person, this will have a great impact on your earning potential and keep you focused on the right tasks. I’m confident that using the “money call” rule will make you more money, try it!

In the following months we’ll add some other priority management techniques that will help you get better control of your time. For now, set your priorities on doing the things that affect your “pocket book” and I’ll bet you’ll feel better about how you use your time!

Do you ever feel that:

* Your life is out of your control?

* You are not where you could be or want to be?

* You don’t really receive the recognition you deserve?

* You don’t feel safe and secure in your relationships?

* You are often overlooked and undermined?

* You have strong desire but lack belief in your ability or the future?

* You are working harder but can’t seem to make any progress?

* You are frustrated because you can’t seem to break through the barriers in your life

* You are settling for less because it is still better than what other people have?

Do you ever wish that:

* You could have more confidence to do the things you really want to?

* You had more self esteem to stand up for what you believe in?

* You could command respect from your colleagues?

* You could impress others when they meet you?

* You could communicate your ideas with ease?

* You could stand up and speak in public?

What if you could do the above and:

* Eliminate Stress, Fear and Anxiety?

* Reclaim your Health by losing weight, quitting smoking, or dealing with other addictions?

* Improve all of your Relationships?

* Develop your Confidence and Self Esteem?

* Have more control over your life?

* Understand why people see you the way they do?

* Learn how to avoid these problems in the future?

Would you be willing to take the action necessary to bring about these outcomes? Is it just a wish you have, or is it a real desire to change? Have you ever thought “I deserve the best I can get in life and will do whatever it takes to get the best” If you are ready to give yourself the best in life, then please read contact us.

By the way the basic componants of behaviour are:

Be(behaviour)= Feel+Wish+Do

Each of us has a differing capacity of each, some prefer The Feelings (emotions) , some perfer Doing ( action) and other the Wishing( thoughts) , each has a profound cost and pay off. It also determines how you show up in life! And the capacity with which you live it fully,completely without limits. Only to figure that most of the programming to your behaviour happened at an unconcious level before your were even aware it existed. The turth of the matter is, by becoming aware of it you can then do something about it, and one of the best ways is with your Catalyst Coach.

Are you looking to arrange an appointment with a life coach. There are many people who feel they need a boost of self-confidence or self-esteem. In this article I write about some of the advice you may receive at these sessions.

I am one of these people who at many times in my life have felt down and depressed about various issues that I have had in my life. I have worked hard and had a lot of advice about how to deal with these problems and am now far more confident and content with life.

I always wanted to be liked by everyone and found it difficult to say no when invited to say a party, even though in truth I did not want to go. If I did decline an offer, I would feel guilty and if for example a friend asked me why I did not want to go and perhaps even called me boring for not going, I would often end up changing my mind. This would be because I did not want to be known as boring by anybody and also because I was quite a weak and fragile person.

From reading life coaching and positive thinking books, I realised I had to become a far stronger person, more care-free and to have more respect for myself. I decided that if I did not want to go somewhere I wouldn’t, whatever anyone said. This new found attitude would not be easy to carry off but I was determined to give it a go.

I was soon to be tested, it was at one of my friends(Ian)houses. He was trying to organise a night out for the following Saturday. I was not at all interested in going out on that particular night for various reasons. Eventually Ian asked if I wanted to go and I said that I didn’t. That answer was not enough for him and he proceeded to question my reasons for not wanting to go. I felt all of the eyes of the people present descend on me and I felt quite awkward. Normally in this situation I would give some excuse but instead I asked him why I needed to give a reason and why my answer of no was not enough for him. He seemed quite shocked at my strong response and moved on to question and nag someone else.

I felt proud of my success and have continued to adopt a similar attitude since.

Throughout our lives we have various requirements that must be met. These are our needs and desires, which range from basic physical needs to selfless desire. When any of these are not met, negative physical, mental, and emotional complications and addictions can result, sometimes with distressful consequences. This discussion is about needs.

A need is an explicit requirement, like feeling hungry and demanding to eat or seeking assurance when you feel unloved and insecure. Satisfying a need means that it has been gratified, relieved, and discharged. Once you feel satisfied, your attention easily turns to something else.

The following list of needs is inspired by the work of Abraham Maslow.

Physical needs. Food, water, safety, shelter, health, basic comfort and income.

Security. You feel secure when you feel wanted, accepted, loved, and supported by others, and are able to feel a sense of belonging.

Connection. The drive to meaningfully relate, involve, give and receive, procreate and/or experience sexual fulfillment.

Self-esteem. You need confidence, competence, respect and power. When you feel approval, recognition and admiration from others, you naturally feel these for yourself and others. This develops the confidence needed to risk and strive. From competence and achievement, you develop assurance, poise, and power. Esteem in all these ways is preeminent to favorable development and behavior.

Integrity. This results from fulfilling your agreements with yourself and others. Because you carefully consider possible consequences, you are discerning in your choices and are thereby able to trust yourself.

Satisfying basic needs is primary. Without doing so, you are distracted, out of balance, and out of peace. If numerous needs are unsatisfied, then your disturbances are complicated and magnified. Your daily activities and creative flow are biased and directed toward the satisfaction of your unmet need(s). Your focus is distracted and skewed, your life is entangled with problems, and your fulfillment will be forever compromised.

Since most people don’t know how to address their unmet needs, they turn their attention to what seems easier. And yet it never truly works because weakness arises. For example, a person becomes a great singer, yet never learns how to develop or maintain healthy intimate relationships.

To satisfy basic needs one must feel the insecurity that develops from its lack, then determine the best way to effectively address it. However, many people lack the requisite trust, strength and method by which to do so. This inhibits healthy progress because they fear they will be weakened by admitting the lack; yet they will actually be strengthened.

The key is to identify the unsatisfied need that the negative behavior attempts to satisfy. Next, replace that negative behavior with a positive equivalent. For example, returning alone to her hotel room feeling the high of a concert, the great singer typically orders her favorite goodies, eats heartily, and grows larger. By determining that she never learned how to develop and maintain healthy relationships, she is able to decide how to begin developing satisfying relationships, even while touring.

Indeed, satisfying basic needs is necessary because it provides the foundation for all else to develop, and supports you to reach your optimum levels. Satisfying basic needs is fundamental to clarity, peace, and overall well-being, and supports your potential to be realized.

As a Life Coach, and after coaching many different clients, I have come to realize that to effectively manage time, we need to first realize that time itself cannot be managed! We all get seven days a week and 168 hours within those seven days. This cannot be increased or changed in any way. However, what we can change, improve and manage is ourselves. In essence then, true time management now becomes management of ourselves &ndash “self management!”

So being aware of this, we now know that it’s not the amount of time we have that’s important; it’s how effectively we use that time that makes the difference. Successful people have exactly the same amount of time in the day as each of us. The only difference is they use their time differently &ndash more effectively.

You might say “I don’t have the time to commit to learning some time management skills”. I hear this a lot during life coaching sessions, but the fact is if this were true, do you really think you have the time not to?

Time management principles and techniques are usually quite simple to learn. They do not require deep thinking, a high I.Q or lots of preparation. In fact if you were to put the search term “Time Management Resources” into a search engine you will get dozens of websites offering help, advice, tips and suggestions on how to manage and prioritize your time.

To sum time management up I would say you need to ask yourself two questions:

1. Do I physically have enough time to do the tasks that are required of me? We only have so much time. Sometimes it’s not always physically possible to fit everything in. If this is the case then you need to prioritize and drop some of the low priority task/activities to claim some time back.

2. Do I fully optimize and use my time effectively? If the answer is NO then you might want to learn and implement some time management principles and techniques.

Below is a list of some time management (self management) techniques and tips that I use during life coaching. You may find a couple of them helpful yourself. They are in no particular order.

• Figure out when (what time of the day?) you work most efficiently.

• Establish your priorities for what you want to get done. Identify the tasks and activities that are the highest priority and eliminate those of low priority.

• Allow more time than you think you will need. This makes your schedule flexible and allows for the unexpected.

• Get into the habit of using your odd five minutes here and there more productively. Don’t just dismiss it as only five minutes &ndash they add up throughout the week!

• Accomplish one or two important tasks rather than lots unimportant ones.

• Keep a calendar/diary. Mark all your important dates/tasks.

• Keep a list of “Things to Do” and mark them off as completed.

• Every day make a list of what you have to do tomorrow.

• When possible do the unpleasant tasks first.

• Tidiness makes your life easier and reduces stress.

• Allow time to relax, recharge and do nothing.

• Leave time in your schedule for un-planned activities.

• Know your strengths, skills and weakness.

• Ask yourself, “What am I doing that someone else could do for me?” Delegate!

• Don’t be scared to ask for help

• Bin things straight away to reduce the clutter (junk mail, newspapers and spam email etc).

• Divide large overwhelming tasks into smaller chunks, and attack them one at a time.

• Complete at least one task each day that you don’t like to do, but know you should.

• Realize that all your email checking, surfing the internet and other procrastinations add up to hours of lost time each week (sometime even each day!)

• Watch less T.V. If you watch T.V for three hours a day from the age of five years old, by the time you are fifty five the amount of T.V you will have watched will be the equivalent to watching non-stop 24 hours a day for six years and three months. If you cut this down by just one hour a day, so then only watch two hours of T.V, you will have gained back over two years worth of time.

“Living is the constant process of deciding what we are going to do” (Jose Ortega y Gasset)

I have just returned from my twelve year old step-daughters parents evening. It was an interesting hour and I believe my daughter has learnt quite a lot from the experience. The teachers gave her some important life coaching advice which I will write about in this article.

My step-daughters name is Taryn and she is basically a very bright and well behaved child. One of her faults however is that she just does enough, she is not naughty at school but does not give one hundred percent to her studies.

Before we attended the parents evening we had the opportunity to read her school report. Taryn thought this report was very good as she was above average in her year, this was certainly borne out in her recent examination results. What annoyed both me and her mother was the regular comments that Taryn does not ask enough questions, that she does not contribute enough in classroom discussions and that her homework seems rushed.

We were also aware that even though the exam results were good, that they could have been even better as she did not do any revision. We told her that even though she was above average that we were not happy with some of the comments made which suggested that she could and should have done even better. Taryn was not happy by this and had quite a big strop thinking that we were just being cruel.

Taryn loves to play sport and has been a regular in the netball and athletic teams. The first teacher she took us to see was her sports teacher who Taryn assumed would be very happy with her. This teacher first asked how we as her parents thought Taryn was getting on, in general at school. We voiced our concerns and the teacher agreed as she had read the whole report and was also not that pleased with it. She looked at Taryn and told her that in sport she always gave one hundred percent and asked her why she did not have the same attitude in Maths and English. Taryn did not know what to say and seemed quite shocked. The teacher stated that even though sport is important, the other subjects should come first and that if she did not see a marked improvement over the next few months, that she would drop her from the netball and athletics team.

Next was the English teacher. He told all of us that Taryn was very clever but that she needed to take more of a pride in her work. She needs to check what she has completed before she hands it in, as the only real errors she makes are just silly mistakes.

He believed that even though Taryn was in the top thirty percent that she should be in the top ten percent.

All of the teachers we met gave Taryn the same message. Do not accept second best, always give one hundred percent, spend less time on the computer and more time reading and revising.

By the end of the evening poor old Taryn looked shell shocked. She now understands what to do and certainly does not want to be kicked out of the sports teams.

I was more than pleased with the schools attitude and believe that Taryn has been given some important life coaching advice.

To grow and evolve, we need relationships for mirroring and feedback. Yet fear, negative assumptions and coping strategies can erode or destroy relationships. When we design relationships together with loving cooperation, they can be both enjoyed and utilized for conscious transformation.

This activity is designed to help you transform a current personal or professional relationship into a supportive experience, or imagine the best one for you. Write your responses in complete sentences. Be patient with the process, and yourself. This activity will be both the foundation of and guide for your relationship. Give it heart and soul from the beginning, and you will be richly rewarded many times over. An adventure awaits you. Have fun!

1) Determine your objective. You are doing this:

- Alone to manifest a completely new relationship

- Alone, to imagine the possibilities with an existing relationship

- Together, with someone with whom you are in relationship

2) Why do you want this relationship? What need does it satisfy? Why is this important to you?

3) Why do you think your partner wants a relationship with you?

4) How is this relationship different and unique from your other relationships?

5) Describe the kind of relationship you want. Describe what you actually do, and what you want each to give each other. Include why you think you fit each other’s needs, values, preferences and standards.

6) On a scale of 1-10 (10 being high), what level of truth and trust do you want through this relationship? Explain why. What is its current level? If there is a discrepancy between the two, explain. Describe and explain what you are ready to do to enjoy this level of trust.

7) What feeling do you want to project to others? What is lacking or inconsistent? What are you ready to do about it?

What limiting patterns do you want to release? How do you want to be supported to change? How can you support your partner to release her/his limiting patterns?

9) Describe your attitudes, beliefs and conflicting values that will interfere with the partnering you described. Evaluate these and determine how to replace them with honoring attitudes, beliefs and values.

10) Determine your confidence with open, nonjudgmental communication, especially in awkward and challenging circumstances. Describe the changes you are ready to make.

11) Recall and describe the fears, resistances and limiting patterns you experienced while completing this activity. List them in priority order and explain what you are ready to do about them.

12) What must you learn and what skills must you develop, to better serve your partner, especially through challenging times? What resources will you draw upon? List the steps you will take and include dates, when appropriate.

13) How have your ideas, perceptions or feelings about partnering developed or changed from doing this activity? What will you do as a result?

14) Reflect on the points especially important to you, and describe how you feel empowered.

I love the Fall, the crispness of the air, the beautiful colors in God’s creation, but I also realize with the Fall comes clean-up! I keep looking at the leaves in my yard and realize that if we don’t get them up soon they may just overtake the yard! How often do our lives become cluttered with unnecessary businesses, events or situations that drain us and at times overwhelm us. It doesn’t take long to feel cluttered and bogged down. Maybe it’s time for a little Fall cleaning. Let me ask you some simple questions. What can you let go of? What can you eliminate from your schedule? Anything? What can you discard from you life right now? What is important and what is not so important right now? How could your daily life run more efficiently? Are you trying to do it all? Do you need to ask for help? What would make things easier for you?

Without evaluation and reflection, we just keep on keeping on with the same old thing and wonder why we are so tired and run down and overtaken by the demands of life. Let me throw out some suggestions that might be helpful. First, prioritize. What is important? What can simply wait until another day? The one thing that I frequently hear from women is there are not enough hours in a day. Reality is that everyone has the same amount of time in a day. If I am a stay at home mom, I can clean my entire house today or I can clean my bathroom and tackle another cleaning project on another day. If I clean just my bathroom, I have some time for myself or family that I might not have had. Either way the house gets cleaned. What’s more important?

Second, organize. Organization includes having a place for things, and it also includes having a schedule to live by. Nothing is worse than trying to find your car keys when you are in a panic to get out the door. Can you put your hands on important documents at a moment’s notice? Do you know where things are? What about a schedule? Many times the day spins by us and we don’t know what happened. All the things we intended to do didn’t get done.

Sally called for a spontaneous lunch. You drop everything to go and then get behind on some things you really needed to do. As a result, you stay up late to catch up with your work. It’s not that the social event wasn’t important. Does it fit in with what is priority for the day and does it fit in with your schedule? If house work is important, does it all have to be done today?

Third, eliminate. What can you eliminate from your life? What can you let go of? Are you too busy? Do you have time for your family? Do you have time for you? Are you on your schedule each week? What are you doing for yourself on a weekly basis that is life giving to you? I don’t believe we were put on this earth to be self-absorbed, “me first” people. Real joy and satisfaction comes in life when we give and serve others; however, I don’t believe God intends us to serve everyone else until we are depleted of all energy and joy. If you don’t take time for you, you will eventually get burned out. What could you do for yourself this week that is simply fun or relaxing for you? What gives you life?

Do you know? For every woman it is different. For some, it’s a long bath with candles. For others, it’s hanging out with girlfriends or pursuing a hobby. Whatever it is, are you pursuing it intentionally? Do you have you on your day-timer or schedule? As women, we are often great at care-taking, but not so good at taking care of ourselves. Everybody else comes first and we are last on the list. If you don’t become intentional about making time for you, then trust me you will get lost in the shuffle. After all, aren’t you as important as your family, friends, and those you minister to?

If you are not nurtured and strengthened, what good are you to anyone else? When you carve out some time for you, you become refreshed and life looks so much better! What can you eliminate from your schedule so you have time for you? Finally, what about your relationships? Do you have more negative relationships than positive? Are you weighed down with too many toxic relationships? How could you change this in your life? Are there relationships that you need to eliminate because they are destructive and unhealthy? Have you created an unhealthy dependence? How could you go about finding positive and uplifting people to begin to associate with? There is a time for ministry and a time for healthy friends that you can laugh and have a good time with. Even Jesus didn’t go around every waking hour ministering to and healing people.

Fall is a great time to do some deep cleaning. Will you take the time to do some soul searching about your life? What do you need to give priority to right now? What is really important to you in this season of life? How can you organize your life so that there is time for the things that are really important to you, yourself included? What and who can you eliminate from your life to give you more freedom to be you.

I think if you will take the time to remove the clutter from your life, your life will take on new color and vibrancy just like this beautiful Fall season.

This article is about how to gain confidence and how to increase self-esteem. I am a person who used to be a very negative thinker, I would always believe that I would fail in whichever task I was attempting to do. I have to say that I did not really like myself and seemed to be constantly down and depressed. I have managed however, to turn my life around and will explain in the article how I managed to do this. I hope you find it enjoyable to read.

As I was growing up through childhood into adulthood I felt that I was rather unlucky. I had a speech impediment (a stutter/stammer), a bald patch on my head which was the size of a ten pence piece, I constantly struggled with my weight (I was basically fat) and I am quite short for a male at five foot four. I looked at other people in my community and especially my friends and felt very jealous of them. I would often think and ask myself why I had so many issues to deal with.

The problems in life which I had, especially the speech impediment seriously dented my confidence and I became a bit of a loner. I felt uncomfortable mixing in groups and always believed that people were laughing behind my back and talking about me.

I had an inner voice which I call my demons. They would be constantly talking to me, advising me to avoid situations and to avoid taking on tasks which they said were beyond me. They made me feel very stupid and worthless. I would listen to these demons and would basically do or not do as the case may be, whatever they told me to. I agreed with them, that I was not good enough or able to take on those certain tasks. I often wondered what life would be like if only I get these horrible gremlins out of my head.

I was not happy with where my life was heading or how it had been in the past. I wanted to be successful, confident and free from these demons.

At the age of twenty-two I decided to wage a war on these demons, a war I was determined to win. I started to read many books on self-confidence, thinking positive and mind over matter. Progress was not exactly quick and it took me many months to start to make any headway.

I needed to basically think more positive, be more assertive, and far more care-free. I learnt that in life all you can do is to try your best. Life is very short and can end at any point, therefore I need to make the most of it and live life to the full and not as a scared rabbit, which is what I had been doing. Stressing or worrying about a situation makes it harder not easier, therefore why do I do it.

These are all easy to say and write, however are extremely hard to implement. Implement I must, I thought. During my war, there were many battles with these horrible demons, some of which I certainly lost. I kept on talking to the demons telling them that they may have won the battle but that they will not win the war.

I did eventually win my war after quite a long period of time. I now like myself and am pleased to report that I have also overcome the speech impediment.

The main lesson that I learnt is to do the opposite of what the demons tell you to. They are the devil and they lie therefore we have to stop listening to them.