My Essay Blog

When the first reviews due to the fact that my most recent best-seller (Arrant Sky Woman, Non-specific Concert-hall 2006) started coming in, my emotions went via the hackneyed wringer coaster. The first, from Publisher’s Weekly, was 90% express, but mentioned that, in their opinion, it was slow in spots. My bear sank. Slow? In spots? Oh my Genius—all is confounded!

The other regard came in two weeks later. This entire, from “Booklist,” used words like “magnificent” and “winsome” and “adventure on a respected scale.”

I sighed. Knave, oh kid, did I neediness to gather that. Why? Because I am an open artist. Because I spend, on as a rule, two years researching and united year letter my novels. Because I care so very much thither each and every one of my literary children. Because I cascade my existence into every plan I assignment on, breach my conk unsealed, unfasten the jealous walls from on all sides of my heart. I entertain to, because that is the no more than character to access my talent. I CAN’T do less than my awfully excellent—that would when devolve to deface mix, and that I cannot do.

Some divulge to ignore reviews, that they are exclusive the opinions of people who, commonly, are distrustful of result in they themselves could not create. I prefer not to receive that opinion. To me, reviews are the opinions of informed, gifted readers. Such people are not willy-nilly any superiority informed than the generally reader, but what they have to predict is certainly estimable of attention.

To be positively plain-spoken, there be subjected to been times I curled up and cried because a reviewer I respected disliked my work. And other times when handsprings across the living abide were the demanded of the day. Such damaging ups and downs can not quite be acceptable looking for your blood twist someone’s arm (disillusion admit solitarily the household pets) but in favour of an artist who cares, actually cares about reaching gone from to the clique, about creating a meeting with readers donation and unborn, there seems bantam choice.

An artist needs feedback. We requirement know whether what we do communicates the essence intended. That doesn’t norm all glory and complement. Sarcastic but principled estimation can stop an artist understand what the community sees when they scan the rouse, be careful of the pellicle, view the dance. To the status that such work is intended to run for it a report, to impart a style of feeling or fleeting concept, we SHOULD be versed how the unrestricted reacts.

But there are times when the solicitous review is more damaging than the immoral one. It habitually seems that a colossal measurements of artists are people who crave a deeper, more unformed connection with the outside world. Who in near the start life felt their expression stifled, felt imperceivable in the centre of a crowd. So they learn to speak their correctness in some other structure, and a creative actor was born.

Deep within such an artist is a driving, gnawing, hungry urge to be loved, respected, seen, heard. It is the stifled impel of a child dancing in the living margin representing the guests, saying “look at me! I’m unorthodox!”

Of course, distinction isn’t forever on the artist herself: on we no more than impecuniousness to draw notoriety to some undertaking, or effect, or extrinsic fact or idea we mull over substantial or of interest. At the bravery of all of this, in any event, is the brains that our perceptions are dignitary, our hearts well-established, our ditty as valid as that of any other warbler in the forest.

And when those reviews enter a occur in, we can either study them at an nervous arm’s magnitude, or we can plagiarize them to compassion, suffer the slings and arrows—and pleased in the victories.

Which are more important? I’m not certain. But when those complimentary reviews be communicated, I notice that I don’t hook them as fooling, as profoundly, as the dissentious ones. I don’t dare. That taste fellow guts me wants too desperately to believe that he is loved and appreciated, that he has made something worthwhile. When the firm reviews possess c visit, it is easy to attend to the accolades, to gleam in the kudos…

But Divinity help you if you still have occasion for it. Then, with an exquisitely cross strictness, it want be withdrawn. Chasing after the approval makes it deliquesce, and we newsletter writing services suit like a third-rate witty frantically mugging suitable a once-appreciative audience, begging them to disregard until they are broke in behalf of him.

I infatuation the activity of writing. I true-love the books themselves. I love my audience. And I true-love those reviews, too much, it every now seems. And at those times, a little express whispers in my ear: “The column isn’t an eye to them. Not under any condition for them. It was in front of they were. And if they rotate their backs, you will detract still. Don’t be lulled by the experience that today’s reviews are positive. Don’t be frustrated if tomorrow’s reviews are bad. Attend to the medium in your affection, the bromide that whispers of restraint, and agony, and creative ecstasy. That turn was there at the beginning, and force be there at the end.”

That verbalize, and no other, can you protection

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There is a polarity in everything in life…. happy and sad, rich and poor, fat and thin. It is the contrast and the differences between things that can really help us clarify what we want in life. When it comes to creating your life there is the having and the “not” having.

In order to create what you want in your life you need to focus on what you want, in other words “the having”. If you want money, you need to focus on money. If you want a relationship, focus on having the relationship of your dreams. If you want a fit and thin body, focus on being fit and thin.

The problem comes because we all have a tendency to focus on the “not having” that we are going through at the point of time. I assume that if you are trying to create something it is something that you don’t have as yet. And what I am saying is that that is the problem. If you are focusing on the “fact” that you don’t have it as yet then that is your point of attraction and that is what you are creating more of. If your mailbox is full of delinquent bills everyday it is difficult to focus on the money that you want. If you are overweight and the scales won’t budge it is difficult to focus on being fit, thin and at an ideal weight. If you eat dinner alone every night it can be difficult to focus on that relationship and it makes it more elusive than ever.

But in order to consciously “create” the life of your dreams and have the money, the relationship, the health, the fit body, whatever it is that you want, you must focus your attention upon it. That is where visualizations and even daydreaming comes in. What will it take to give you the feelings of having it now? That is how you will consciously create the life of your dreams. You get what you are “feeling” about. If you are feeling bad about the debt that arrives daily in your mailbox that is what you are creating…more debt and more feeling bad!

It can be difficult to control your thoughts. I think we can all agree on that. So rather than trying to control your thoughts all the time try a strategy I am going to call “chunking”. Consciously set aside a chunk of 15 minutes at a time to consciously visualize what it is that you want. You can even do it when you are doing something else, driving, exercising, or vacuuming the house. During that time daydream and see the final result in your head. Imagine what you would feel, see, hear, touch if you had your heart’s desire. Use as many senses as you can. If your mind wanders back to unpleasant thoughts during the 15 minutes develop the discipline to go back to your daydream. Enjoy your “daydream chunk”, do it as many times as you can, once a day, twice a day or more.

If you develop this discipline you will be well on your way to consciously creating your heart’s desire.

Often in our interactions with family and friends, problems being encountered would inevitably be brought up. Inevitably too, in trying to be helpful, we often react by giving advice on how to solve the problem.

However, this is generally not recommended, for the following reasons:

We assume we know what the problem is and forget to be a listener, to find out enough details about the problem and the other person’s point of view.

We forget to extend empathy to the woes of the other person.

We get ‘credit’ for being the one to give the advice since the advice is likely to be something that the adviser has done or others have done that was successful. So if the listener does not succeed or had done it before but it was not successful, the implication is that it is not because the advice was not good, but the listener has not applied it well. This tends to make the advisee feel stupid and incompetent.

When we give advice, we’re talking ‘down’ to the other person as we become the ‘expert’. We’re so eager to talk and show our knowledge and ‘wisdom’ that we do not interact at an ‘equal’ level with the other person. We take on the position of ‘expert’ and might tend to forget that the other person also has knowledge to share with us.

We are giving the message that we think the person cannot work out the solution himself. This is disempowering for the other person.

We belittle the efforts that have been taken by the person. We become the evaluator of what the person has done rather than helping him/her to self-evaluate.

Example of Advice Giving:

A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.

B: Hmm… I’m always thought both of you were not suitable for each other. (B is getting credit for his prediction. B is not asking questions to find out more about A’s problems)

A: Well, we were getting along pretty well. But I’ve been very busy with work recently and haven’t had time to go out with her. She feels I’m spending too much time on work.

B: It shows she does not understand you (B is assuming he knows what the problem is). Maybe you should break up with her (advice giving, implying A cannot work out a solution). It could be a blessing in disguise.

A: I’d be miserable. Don’t know what I’d do without her.

B: You’ll get over it (B is not extending empathy to A). I did too when I broke up with Doris 2 years ago. (B is giving himself credit)

A: I sent her roses to make up but it doesn’t seem to work.

B: I don’t think that will work with her (evaluating what A has done). Since she wants time with you, just put aside your work and make time for her.

A: I have deadlines to meet.

B: Well, you have to decide what you want (this is not likely to be helpful to A’s dilemma and might make him feel stupid and incompetent instead.)

Using Questions in conversations is generally more helpful as it helps the other person think through the issues that they have. Example is this conversation below:

A: Jolyn and I are having problems. We have been having more quarrels lately.

B: I’m sorry to hear that (extending empathy). Would you like to tell me more about it? (being a listener, to find out details of problem)

A: I’ve been really busy with my work and haven’t had time to go out with her. She feels I’m spending too much time on work.

B: Has it always been this way with your work?

A: No, it’s these recent two months because of a big project. Deadlines to meet and other work pressures….

B: Must be tough on you…. (extending empathy to A and indirectly giving credit to A for holding up)

A: Yah… but I do need to make time for Jolyn… I have been working too hard. I should ease up a bit (self evaluation). I think I’ll send her some flowers afterward and then call her for a dinner date tomorrow. (coming up with his own solutions)

B: All the best …

References:

.succezz.com/StresstheSilentKiller.html

.succezz.com/How2BHappy.html

.succezz.com/S2/7WaystoLiveLiftotheMax2.html

What makes some people more successful in life than others ? What makes people happy? Are success and happiness linked ?

These are questions which has been asked for hundreds of years and many answers have been discovered and rediscovered over this time. Many of the main answers relate to how you think about yourself and the world around you and simply by changing how you think will start to have a dramatic effect on your life.

One of the first principles which you must accept is that you must take full responsibility for the events in your life. It is no use blaming other people, the government, your boss etc. for the things that are wrong in your life. You have total control over how you think and act and it is up to you to decide to be happy and successful. Happiness comes entirely from a state of mind. If you decide to be happy you will be. The more you think about happiness and success the more it will will happen. Once you accept this first point you can take many positive steps towards success.

Probably the most important of these can be summarized in the following three steps:

Assess your main target in life.

Choose a definite aim in life, one which you know is realistic for your talents and abilities, one which you know is something you really want to do and enjoy doing. Make up your mind that you will push as hard as possible towards that aim. To ensure success you must have a burning desire for this purpose and want to take the appropriate action to achieve this purpose. Write this aim down.

“Know what you want, when you want it, why you want it, and how you intend to get it.”

Set goals which are consistent with this target.

Goal setting is one of the most powerful ways to focus and achieve success. However goals must be in accordance with your main aim in life. If you strive for and achieve a goal which is not in line with your target, it will not help you to be happy even if you are generally successful. Goals can be of different length, short term, medium term or long term. Ideally have a mixture of all three. You should write your goals down, even this act alone will make it much more definite and much more likely to achieve. Read and review your goals often. Make your goals achievable and have at least some which you can see the path to achieving even if it’s not always clear how you will reach the longer term goals.

Take continuous action towards your goals.

Once your goals are written down aim to take definite actions towards these goals even if they are very small. It is essential to get into the habit of avoiding procrastination when you know there are tasks to be done. A great way to do this is to plan to only take a little action, sometimes as short as a few minutes at a time. Often this will get you going and you will devote more time to it than you originally planned, at other times you will realize that now is not such a good time, but you will have achieved a little bit towards your goal. Another great habit to adopt is to tackle the most difficult task first and get it out of the way. This usually makes all the rest of the task so much easier.

Following these easy three steps will have a very positive effect on your life and will dramatically improve your chances of success.

“We create our lives a thought at a time. And sometimes, it comes down to changing a thought such as “Why did this happen to me?” into “There is a divine plan and there is a reason for this, and my choice is to create the most positive reaction I can.” - Dee Wallace Stone

You know that positive thinking and positive action attracts positive things. But you also know that it is not possible to stay motivated and positive all the time.

You constantly need to check your thoughts as busy activities make you forget your dreams and goals at times. In other words, live a motivated life and you will feel that your life has improved.

Here are some ideas to increase your motivation and thereby improve your life:

1. Get Close To Positive Energy

Stay away from all forms of negativity. Avoid the cynics, pessimists, whiners and complain kings and queens. They will not support your goals and desires. They will drain your energy and stifle your dreams.

Associate yourself with positive and happy people. Their enthusiasm for life is contagious. Positive and optimistic people will uplift your spirits and help you through challenging times. Also draw inspiration from Mentors and Motivation Gurus.

2. Never Give Up

Don’t ever give up. We will not fail if we keep trying. Work hard at what you want to achieve and never let negative thoughts cloud your mind. Have faith in yourself. During difficult times, you will find ways to keep your spirits up and keep moving forward. Remember, if you think positively, you will get positive results. And if you think negatively, you will get negative results.

3. Reflect On Success

There are going to be some days that will take every will power to feel motivated and move forward. What can you do? Reflect on what is happening in your life and what you can learn from it. Look back on how far you’ve come. Think of past accomplishments that make you feel good and proud of. List down all your achievements, both personal and professional, and know your worth. Don’t forget the little achievements too. These are proofs that you have made good use of your time and energy.

4. Don’t Wait, Do It Now

While it’s important to work within your plan, don’t wait for everything to be perfect before you make that move. Don’t be in limbo, waiting for perfection that will never be. If you’re waiting for a shining moment of excitement, it isn’t going to happen. Stop waiting for it.

Work within your plan and take that first step. Frustration sets in when you make all the plans you want, make lists, detail every step, but take no action. You have to MAKE it happen. Take action and repeat the action process again tomorrow.

5. Take Time To Relax Too

It is critical to take time off. We need rest and relaxation every now and then. Rest, by itself, is a great motivator. We are so busy that we can forget to relax and recharge. Even a weekend away from work, studying or watching kids can be good. You need to recharge those “batteries”, refresh your attitude, and renew your commitment to yourself. Without sufficient rest and relaxation, you will burn out fast. Taking time off from work is essential to your mental, physical, and emotional health.

To live the life you want to live, action is required. Take these simple ideas to create and improve the life you have always wanted. Start Today.

What is stress?

Although we tend to think of stress as caused by external issues, issue in themselves are not stressful. It is the way in which we interpret and react to them that makes them stressful. People differ enormously in the type of events they interpret as stressful and the way in which they respond to such stress.

Stress is generally created when the demands made on a person start to exceed that person’s ability, or perceived ability to cope. Essentially a gap is created between what a person needs/wants to do, and what they feel they are able to do.

Many things or even the anticipation of them can lead to stress:

* Pressure to achieve/perform

* Problems at work

* Bullying

* Financial problems

* Arguments

* Family issues

* Divorce

* Bereavement

* Depression

* Unemployment

* Moving house

* Alcohol or drug abuse

Physical Symptoms of Stress may include:

* Tiredness

* Headaches

* Frequent colds

* Trouble sleeping

* Muscular aches/tension

* Nausea

* Sweating, feeling hot and bothered

Emotional and Mental Symptoms of Stress may include:

* Anger

* Anxiety

* Depression

* Irrational fears

* Mood swings

* Irritability

* Frustration

* Poor concentration

* Confusion

* Loss of sense of humour

* Negative thoughts

* Feeling of overwhelmed

* Feeling out of control

* Loss of motivation

Tackling stress

There are many strategies that can help you deal with stress:

* Realise that it is ok to be stressed and cut yourself some slack

* Try to understand what stresses you and why

* Avoid obvious stressful confrontations/situations

* Learn to be more assertive

* Take regular exercise

* Reduce alcohol

* Eat a balanced healthy diet

* Recognise your limits and learn to say no

* Organise your time better

* Keep your work/home space organised and tidy

* Talk to friends or family

* Listen to relaxing music, or read

* Take time out to relax

Alternatively you may benefit complementary therapies like aromatherapy, acupuncture and reflexology.

If your stress level is making it impossible for you to function as normal, it is perhaps worth seeing your GP as extreme or long-lasting stress can be very bad for your health, not to mention your relationships, so it is better to see a doctor sooner rather than later. Your GP can then advise you on the best course of action.

Complimentary English lesson of the day! What is an oxymoron?

oxymoron- as defined at dictionary.com. Noun : conjoining contradictory terms (as in “deafening silence”)

Can silence be deafening??? Can time be managed???

I can’t think of a program that I have ever done that didn’t include the oxymoron “time management” as a common problem identified by the participants attending. Since most of my work is with sales people or sales managers I thought I might take a moment and address the issue of time management as it relates specifically to those functions. There are many strategies we can use to get control of the time we have, here are a couple of ideas that might help you.

First, let’s define the problem and identify that “time management” is really a symptom of the inability to manage and set priorities. No one yet (to my knowledge, call me if you know the secret!) has found a way to manage time. We cannot control the hands on the clock or when the sun rises and sets. We can only manage and control what we do with our time. So, the real issue is not managing time but managing what we do with the time we have, making sure that we spend it on the most important priorities.

Second, you must understand and be willing to accept the fact that there will never be a day when you get everything done (except of course the day you die!). Until you are willing to accept that reality that you will be constantly frustrated by your inability to get everything done. More important, however, is that thinking you can get everything done will cause you to make promises of delivery (goods, services, favors or other deliverables) that are unrealistic. Let’s make sure we are thinking correctly about the problem or we’re doomed to repeat it.

If you understand that you can’t get everything done, then you must decide what needs to get done and what can be put off (for later, or forever!). Everyday you need to make a list of what needs to get done and then take a minute and prioritize your list. For many sales people a good way to prioritize is getting into the habit of identifying and doing things that have the “highest likelihood of making you money or losing you money”. These tasks are often referred to as “money tasks”, and are often the most stressful tasks on the list (see post “clean out your locker”, 9/24). Particularly, if you are a commissioned based sales person, this will have a great impact on your earning potential and keep you focused on the right tasks. I’m confident that using the “money call” rule will make you more money, try it!

In the following months we’ll add some other priority management techniques that will help you get better control of your time. For now, set your priorities on doing the things that affect your “pocket book” and I’ll bet you’ll feel better about how you use your time!

Do you ever feel that:

* Your life is out of your control?

* You are not where you could be or want to be?

* You don’t really receive the recognition you deserve?

* You don’t feel safe and secure in your relationships?

* You are often overlooked and undermined?

* You have strong desire but lack belief in your ability or the future?

* You are working harder but can’t seem to make any progress?

* You are frustrated because you can’t seem to break through the barriers in your life

* You are settling for less because it is still better than what other people have?

Do you ever wish that:

* You could have more confidence to do the things you really want to?

* You had more self esteem to stand up for what you believe in?

* You could command respect from your colleagues?

* You could impress others when they meet you?

* You could communicate your ideas with ease?

* You could stand up and speak in public?

What if you could do the above and:

* Eliminate Stress, Fear and Anxiety?

* Reclaim your Health by losing weight, quitting smoking, or dealing with other addictions?

* Improve all of your Relationships?

* Develop your Confidence and Self Esteem?

* Have more control over your life?

* Understand why people see you the way they do?

* Learn how to avoid these problems in the future?

Would you be willing to take the action necessary to bring about these outcomes? Is it just a wish you have, or is it a real desire to change? Have you ever thought “I deserve the best I can get in life and will do whatever it takes to get the best” If you are ready to give yourself the best in life, then please read contact us.

By the way the basic componants of behaviour are:

Be(behaviour)= Feel+Wish+Do

Each of us has a differing capacity of each, some prefer The Feelings (emotions) , some perfer Doing ( action) and other the Wishing( thoughts) , each has a profound cost and pay off. It also determines how you show up in life! And the capacity with which you live it fully,completely without limits. Only to figure that most of the programming to your behaviour happened at an unconcious level before your were even aware it existed. The turth of the matter is, by becoming aware of it you can then do something about it, and one of the best ways is with your Catalyst Coach.

Are you looking to arrange an appointment with a life coach. There are many people who feel they need a boost of self-confidence or self-esteem. In this article I write about some of the advice you may receive at these sessions.

I am one of these people who at many times in my life have felt down and depressed about various issues that I have had in my life. I have worked hard and had a lot of advice about how to deal with these problems and am now far more confident and content with life.

I always wanted to be liked by everyone and found it difficult to say no when invited to say a party, even though in truth I did not want to go. If I did decline an offer, I would feel guilty and if for example a friend asked me why I did not want to go and perhaps even called me boring for not going, I would often end up changing my mind. This would be because I did not want to be known as boring by anybody and also because I was quite a weak and fragile person.

From reading life coaching and positive thinking books, I realised I had to become a far stronger person, more care-free and to have more respect for myself. I decided that if I did not want to go somewhere I wouldn’t, whatever anyone said. This new found attitude would not be easy to carry off but I was determined to give it a go.

I was soon to be tested, it was at one of my friends(Ian)houses. He was trying to organise a night out for the following Saturday. I was not at all interested in going out on that particular night for various reasons. Eventually Ian asked if I wanted to go and I said that I didn’t. That answer was not enough for him and he proceeded to question my reasons for not wanting to go. I felt all of the eyes of the people present descend on me and I felt quite awkward. Normally in this situation I would give some excuse but instead I asked him why I needed to give a reason and why my answer of no was not enough for him. He seemed quite shocked at my strong response and moved on to question and nag someone else.

I felt proud of my success and have continued to adopt a similar attitude since.