My Essay Blog

I just wanted to spread the word about Life Coaching and what it can do to help just about anyone. No, not every coach is suited for every client but the right coach/client combination is such powerful tool.

I hear different variations of the following questions and statements a lot: “What can a coach do for me?”, “I can’t afford to pay a coach!”, “What does SHE know that I don’t know?”, “I don’t need a stinkin’ Coach!” Ok, well I tossed the word “stinkin’” in there (smile) but I do know there are many people who could benefit from the power of coaching but feel they don’t need it.

Well hopefully the following can open some eyes to the magic of this wonderful tool!

Coaching is an effective process used to support individuals in creating something new for themselves. I work side by side with my clients coaching them by providing perspective and support for self-knowledge as they accomplish their business and personal goals.

I personal help women achieve balance and cultivate the tools necessary for them to evolve into a life filled with happiness and serenity. I believe all women have the tools they need inside to lead a more fulfilling life. I simply guide them along an empowering path that will awaken these tools, focus on their passion and ultimately lead them to a more fulfilled self. If you are ready to find your way to a more balanced you, I will be your guide.

Life coaches are great and act as your personal cheerleader. There are many benefits to having a Personal Life Coach and here are just a few. Coaching is a valuable process for people looking to:

* design life intentions that include both your business and personal goals.

* make meaningful personal changes that reduce stress and simplify your life.

* free up energy and other resources to attract what you want for your life now.

* enhance the quality of your communication and relationships

* work through a career or life transition

* achieve better work/life balance

* gain clarity, focus and direction

Coaching is also for those that are successful and growing entrepreneurs, where everything is going really well, and you would just appreciate a neutral sounding board who will give you straight-up honest feedback and on-going support.

There really is nothing like coaching. The best way to learn about it is to experience it for yourself! Most coaches will offer a free consultation or a free session to see if coaching is for you.

You have nothing to lose and the world to gain!

Are you stuck in a rut? Do you ever feel that you are being perpetually driven; that life is a never-ending round of rushing from here to there, or from one chore to another, with no time for relaxation? That money worries &ndash how to pay those rising bills, or where the next payment is coming from for your children’s education, your family’s healthcare, your house mortgage &ndash occupy your mind much of the time, or that relationships with your family or spouse suffer because you haven’t got time to spend with them &ndash you’re working all the hours there are to pay the bills after all, aren’t you. Things never seem to go right, no matter how hard you try, and feeling frustration and discontent has become a part of what you are. You long for the day when you can get just a little time for yourself, and do some of those things you always wanted. Without knowing it, you may have programmed yourself for unhappiness and failure.

But what if there is a way to say goodbye to fear, anger, worry, and all those other negative emotions? What if you can transform your life so that you can obtain all the things you ever wanted? You can you know. The powerful and secret techniques taught by manifestation can do just that. Learning to become a Master Manifestor is your blueprint to success, prosperity and personal fulfilment. Using the inside knowledge of manifestation, you can discover how to implement your ideas and dreams in a simple and stress-free way to dramatically change your life for the better.

Manifesting is an ancient science (over 1500 years old), and although the manifestation techniques are largely unknown to the modern world, the tried and trusted methods have proven to work and are needed now, more than ever. By manifestation you can attract good fortune to yourself, financial and personal, and work magic in your life. Radically different from any other self-help programme &ndash in fact you can realistically throw away 90% of every self-help book you’ve ever collected &ndash this Manifesting Mindset will transform the way you think on all levels. A new departure in self-improvement, it will harness the physical laws of the universe to create anything you desire: attract love and romance, make your perfect job appear, eliminate stress and low esteem, lose weight, find abundance and financial freedom. Consciously draw life-affirming experiences to yourself.

Anyone can learn the art of manifestation. Regardless of what you’ve been conditioned to believe, it is available to ALL of us. Why not give it a try and see where it takes you.

Penelope Housden

Transformational Counseling is a process of assisting others to transform their lives. Transformational Counseling is a process of assisting others in their reinventing themselves, of creating a life that they love and living it powerfully. Transformational Counseling is a process of creating a space for others to get present to or become aware of their self limiting belief, to create or invent a possibility for themselves and their life that could not have existed before and to learn how to be in their possibilities as opposed to being that which has always stopped them in the past.

The development of transformational counseling has been the result of my work in counseling, psychotherapy, coaching, hypnosis, neuro linguistic programming, the work of Louise Hay and especially Landmark Education. To understand and be able to utilize the technology of Transformational Counseling with others, of being able to make a true difference in another person’s life, requires that one understand or get certain concepts or distinctions about what it is to be a human being and reality itself. While the distinctions of Transformational Counseling are initially presented separately, it is in their practice or communication with another that a true synergy is reached and it’s potential or power actualized for the client. For the counselor as well as the client the synergistic learnings that take place within Transformational Counseling is nonlinear in nature.

The clients that I work with are all experiencing a loss of power, freedom and full self-expression in one or many of the various domains of their life. The clients that I see are all being stopped in living a life that they love and living it powerfully. If they continue being as they have been being nothing will change, life will be as it has always been. They will remain stuck and unable to reach their true potential in life. The clients that I coach or counsel know that something needs to be different in their life but are unsure of what that something is all about, of what is not working, of what is missing, of what needs to happen. It is in assisting a client to discover or become present to that which has been causing their depression, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and to learn how to create a new way of being that the work of Transformational Counseling is all about.

One of the fundamental distinctions of Transformational Counseling is that our thoughts are very important, if not the most important component of what it is to be a human being. We tend to believe that the external world, or what we commonly believe to be reality, is that which is truly important. As a result of such a belief, we are constantly engaged in trying to change something in the external world, constantly believing that this type of activity will bring us true happiness and contentment in our life. Within Transformational Counseling, it is our thoughts or thinking that is of immense importance to us and our process of living. It is our thoughts and thinking patterns that literally shape or determine our feelings, behavior, experiences and our reality. More specifically, it is our thoughts that we have about ourselves that tends to create or shape our experiences, that forms the background of our life and our sense of reality. It is from the thoughts that we initially create about ourselves that we subsequently develop into a belief about who we think we are, our self-image, of how we define our very being and it is from this belief that we live our life. A belief is merely a thought that we think is true or real, that expresses some sense of ontology.

Inside the conversation of Transformational Counseling it is also important to understand that we are truly responsible for the thoughts that we have, including and especially those that we have about ourselves. We literally invent or create all of our thoughts including those that we have about ourselves and with them our feelings and behaviors. To truly get our responsibility in how we create our experiences or reality is to also get how we create or invent all of our thoughts about ourselves and with it our reality. Reality itself has no meaning outside of what we give it. We are, as human beings, meaning making machines, beings that wrap meaning around everything in our life, including and most importantly about ourselves. Being responsible for our thoughts, getting it that we create them, is completely different from the experience of guilt or blame. It is not that we are to blame for our experiences but merely that we do create what we think about ourselves, who we think we are, how we feel about ourselves and how the world appears to us. There is a distinction between responsibility and blame or guilt.

What we tend to think about ourselves has at its core what can be referred to as our self-limiting belief. The self-limiting belief is a thought that we have about who we think we are, that defines our identity at its core, a belief that was developed between the ages of three to six approximately. During this time frame in our journey through life something happened, an event took place and it is from that event that we developed or created a thought or belief about ourselves. The original event is not so much of importance as the fact that we created a belief about ourselves, a belief that has actually limited us in life. The self-limiting belief is a sense of inadequacy, an idea or thought that something is wrong with us, that something is broken. Once this self-limiting belief is created or invented we tend to live our lives as if it were true. Our self-limiting belief is a fundamental, core belief that we have about ourselves, about who we think we are, that creates our feelings about ourselves, affects our behavior and determines our experiences.

Our self-limiting belief affects our behavior in that we are constantly trying to fix it. For example, if ones self-limiting belief is that the individual is “not enough”, that person will constantly try to be “enough”, constantly be doing things to compensate for what or who they think they are. While an individual is constantly attempting to fix it, the self-limiting belief is also in the process of fulfilling upon itself, of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, of causing the person to be “not enough.” Given the fact that ones self-limiting belief is hidden from them, from their view, we are not aware of its existence or its affect on our life, of its influence or impact on our life. Even though it is not true, not real, we believe it to be so and as a result the self limiting belief is that which keeps us stuck, keeps us living in the past, prevents us from living a life that we love and living it powerfully. Our self-limiting belief is in a very real sense our personal affirmation, an affirmation that is embedded in our “self talk”, an affirmation that determines how we tend to feel about ourselves, an affirmation that guides and determines our behavior in life, that defines our very way of being and how we appear to the world.

The first goal of Transformational Counseling is to assist an individual in becoming present to his or her self-limiting belief, of bringing it into ones awareness. It is this distinction or awareness of ones self-limiting belief that is crucial to his or her transformation. Without such awareness ones future will be as it has been, will be what can be referred to as the “probable almost certain future”. Without such awareness, ones future will merely be the past and even with a constant attempt on the individual’s part to fix the self-limiting belief, his or her life will merely be to continue with its fulfillment and actualization in their experiences and life. Awareness of ones self limiting belief can be gotten by the person experiencing its genesis or the originating event and with it the belief that the person invented or created about themselves at that time. An individual can also become present to the self-limiting belief by monitoring his or her spoken word. The self-limiting belief exists in our language, in the words we say or speak. Mirror work will also facilitate this type of awareness as ones self-limiting belief exists inside the feelings that one will become present as the individual observes his or her image. Regression can also be utilized to assist one in getting the genesis of his or her self-limiting belief.

Once one becomes present to his or her self-limiting belief, the opportunity then exists, possibly for the first time in the person’s life, to invent a possibility for his or her life, to begin to reinvent his or her life anew. An individual’s possibility is how that person will be in the present, free of the constraints or barriers of the past, a creation from nothing. Within Transformational Counseling, an individual’s possibility is a new or different way of thinking about himself or herself, of who they are, of who they will be. Like the individual’s self-limiting belief, a person’s possibility is a personal affirmation or declaration. Like a person’s self limiting belief, an individual’s possibility also exists in language, and once generated by the individual, will begin to create or invent his or her experiences and sense of reality through the power of his or her thoughts and word. Unlike a person’s self limiting belief, an individual’s possibility will allow him or her to create a life that they truly love and be able to live it powerfully.

The third component of Transformational Counseling has to do with the individual learning what Landmark Education refers to as the process of enrollment. Given that a person will either live life as his or her possibility or their self-limiting belief, there will be a tendency for a person to go back to or stay in his or her self-limiting belief. This is what is very familiar to us, that is, being our self-limiting belief in our daily life. Learning the process of enrollment will assist the individual in being able to get out of his or her self-limiting belief and back into their possibility. When we have a breakdown, we have gone back into being our self-limiting belief and as we do so will truly experience a loss of power, freedom and full expression that is from the past. It is in our breakdowns that we are being inauthentic, that the self-limiting belief becomes hidden again. The process of enrollment allows the person to become authentic about how he or she has been being inauthentic, to again become present to his or her self-limiting belief, and in the process to continue generating his or her possibility or invent a new one for themselves and their life.

The implementation or practice of Transformational Counseling with a client takes place inside a conversation about integrity. Integrity is simply planning your work and working your plan. Clients are encouraged to develop a written plan, a plan for their daily life. A written plan allows the client to take on creating or reinventing themselves and their life in a new way that supports their wellness. Implementing ones plan also allows them to confront that which has always stopped them in the past. As clients begin the process of fulfilling on their plan, of working it, of living the life that they desire, they will have a tendency to get stopped, to have a breakdown and as they do so will develop an inauthenticity, living life as they once did, from the backdrop of the self-limiting belief. It is in working with a client and his or her plan through the enrollment process that he or she has the opportunity to learn how to get out of their self-limiting belief and back into their possibility and truly transform their life. For the client the process of enrollment is the practice of continuing to experience a true sense of power, freedom and full self-expression. It is through staying in and working with ones integrity that a person will have the opportunity to stay committed to living a life that they love and living it powerfully.

The conversations that take place with a client are conducted within the language used through my personal training and development with Landmark Education. These conversations are done so by design. While it is important for a client to begin to act and behave differently, it is crucial that they begin to think differently too. The language used in Landmark Education is unfamiliar and tends to create a space, at least initially, of confusion. This confusion acts as a pattern disruption for the client, causing him or her to start to seriously question what is being said, the meaning of the conversation. It is through this confusion and questioning by the client that they will have the opportunity to become present to their very thought process, to that which has been the true cause in the matter for them, to that which has been creating their experiences and their sense of reality, especially as it applies to how they have been thinking about themselves, the basis of how they have been being and way of life.

As the client begins to live a life of transformation it is also important that the counselor or coach be very present to the client’s tendency to acknowledge or thank them for their assistance. As a counselor or coach I let the client know that I can not fix or help them, that they must do this work if they are to live a life that they love and live it powerfully. In my work with clients I make a stand for the client to assume total and complete responsibility with true empowerment as the goal. To step over the client acknowledging the coach or counselor is essentially the same as encouraging a client to use a blame pattern. As with blaming, thanking another for this type of work does not allow the client to truly get it that he or she is the cause in the matter and in both instances the client will not experience his or her true sense of power, freedom and full self expression. The client is truly responsible for transforming their life and it is vital to the process that they get this completely.

Transformational Counseling is an extremely powerful technique for assisting others in making a true difference in their life. For a client it is a gradual awakening to that which has truly been the cause in the matter, to that which has created and shaped their thoughts, feelings, behavior, experiences and sense of reality. To assist a client in being able to stand in their possibility, of being the possibility of “acceptance, freedom and creativity”, as opposed to their self-limiting belief, of being “not enough”, will allow that individual to live a life that they love and live it powerfully. When used in conjunction with other techniques, such as mirror work, positive affirmations, therapeutic relaxation music, self-hypnosis and NLP patterns, a space is created for a client to transform his or her life forever.

In addition to learning the fundamental distinctions and process of Transformational Counseling, it is also important for the counselor or coach to have an experiential understanding of this technology. To truly make a stand for a client and be able to make a difference for another will necessitate that the counselor have gotten his or her self-limiting belief, have invented new possibilities for himself or herself and also to have learned the process of enrollment. Being able to assist another in the process of transformation can only be achieved when the counselor or coach is in his or her own personal transformation. For me this journey started when I enrolled in the Landmark Forum. It was through experiencing the Forum and the curriculum that followed that the process of transformation began for me as a counselor and more importantly as a human being. Within the conversation of transformation we are merely human beings assisting other human beings to transform their lives, to live a life that they love and to live it powerfully.

Harry Henshaw, Ed. D., LMHC

.enhancedhealing.com

There is a polarity in everything in life…. happy and sad, rich and poor, fat and thin. It is the contrast and the differences between things that can really help us clarify what we want in life. When it comes to creating your life there is the having and the “not” having.

In order to create what you want in your life you need to focus on what you want, in other words “the having”. If you want money, you need to focus on money. If you want a relationship, focus on having the relationship of your dreams. If you want a fit and thin body, focus on being fit and thin.

The problem comes because we all have a tendency to focus on the “not having” that we are going through at the point of time. I assume that if you are trying to create something it is something that you don’t have as yet. And what I am saying is that that is the problem. If you are focusing on the “fact” that you don’t have it as yet then that is your point of attraction and that is what you are creating more of. If your mailbox is full of delinquent bills everyday it is difficult to focus on the money that you want. If you are overweight and the scales won’t budge it is difficult to focus on being fit, thin and at an ideal weight. If you eat dinner alone every night it can be difficult to focus on that relationship and it makes it more elusive than ever.

But in order to consciously “create” the life of your dreams and have the money, the relationship, the health, the fit body, whatever it is that you want, you must focus your attention upon it. That is where visualizations and even daydreaming comes in. What will it take to give you the feelings of having it now? That is how you will consciously create the life of your dreams. You get what you are “feeling” about. If you are feeling bad about the debt that arrives daily in your mailbox that is what you are creating…more debt and more feeling bad!

It can be difficult to control your thoughts. I think we can all agree on that. So rather than trying to control your thoughts all the time try a strategy I am going to call “chunking”. Consciously set aside a chunk of 15 minutes at a time to consciously visualize what it is that you want. You can even do it when you are doing something else, driving, exercising, or vacuuming the house. During that time daydream and see the final result in your head. Imagine what you would feel, see, hear, touch if you had your heart’s desire. Use as many senses as you can. If your mind wanders back to unpleasant thoughts during the 15 minutes develop the discipline to go back to your daydream. Enjoy your “daydream chunk”, do it as many times as you can, once a day, twice a day or more.

If you develop this discipline you will be well on your way to consciously creating your heart’s desire.

Everybody knows that the way we think determines the outcome. If your thoughts are like “I can’t write more articles then I do already”, you probable won’t succeed. If you change your thoughts into “I will write more articles then I already do”, you will achieve that goal. Perhaps it’s only one article more then expected, but you did more then you wanted. If you believe in yourself you will succeed at the end.

But before you reach that end you have to organize the thoughts in your head. There are two main thoughts, negative and positive. For every negative one you can find an opposite more positive thought. For example if you take a half filled glass with water you can think this glass is half empty. This is a more negative thought. If you approach it with the thought of this glass is half full then you think positive. There hasn’t been a change with the amount of water. Just your thinking changed. It takes time and effort to make those changes.

At first you are on the level of unawareness incompetence. We act without thinking. If we want changes to be made we have to learn to use those positive affirmations. We now are one step higher called the awareness of incompetence. At this point you know that you have to learn and use in order to change. When we use them for a while and we see results we reach the level of aware competence.

We now use the tools in a perfect way. We see results but to achieve the highest level we need to keep on the good work..

At this state when an opportunity appears we think in possibilities instead of problems. This is the state of mind we want to have consistently. Sure you have less positive thoughts sometimes but rapidly you make that change into a positive thought. Thinking positive has become a natural behavior

Keep up the good work and start today. Remember only you can make a difference.

.powerfulllifesecrets.com

Have you ever noticed that I begin a lot of my articles with questions?

Asking the right questions can make a huge difference to your quality of life, ask the wrong ones and they could be disastrous.

Questions also draw people in and if used in the right away leave people hanging desperate to know more (an old but effective marketing trick). Wouldn’t it be good if this article showed you how to do that?

NLP teaches a new model of the world that will allow you to replace questions you would normally ask with new ones. If you were at cause for your life rather than at the effect how would you change to get better results? By simply taking charge and recognising that you are causing the results you are getting in your life you automatically begin asking new questions.

The right questions give you better answers, for example whereas you might have asked “Why does this always happen to me?” You may now begin asking the question, “How can I ensure I get a better result next time?

Try it yourself now. When you are feeling low what questions do you ask?

How can you change them to empower yourself and make a difference to your life?

You can use questions to improve almost any area of your life. Here’s a list of questions that you can apply to any area to make improvements.

” How can I improve on that [specific area]?

” What strategies is (insert name of person) using that mean they get better results?

” What can I do to get better results and take less effort to do it?

” How can I make it so that I enjoy myself even more?

” What level of proficiency do I want to gain in this area?

With a little bit of practice you will begin to ask questions that are a lot more empowering and useful. It requires discipline but the results of asking a different question can be quite amazing. It requires careful thinking about how to frame the question but the effort will be worth it.

Questions aren’t just useful for yourself - by asking the right question to others can make a massive difference in their lives and performance as well. For example by asking one of your workers how they can improve productivity and enjoy what they are doing. How about asking your child how can they can make it so that they enjoy doing their homework.

When you ask a question it engages the brain and causes the person to answer. If the person you are questioning actually seriously thinks about what you have asked the chances are that they will come up with some pretty remarkable answers.

So what questions can you ask that will make a huge difference to your life and the lives of the people around you?

A good NLP training course will give you a range of ideas and ways of looking at the world that mean you will start thinking about how you question yourself and others in new ways.

How many different ways can you already think of to use new questions? Here are a few ideas:

Personal development: What is the one question I can ask myself that will give me the biggest result right now?

Manager to team: What do I have to say or do to support you in making this project the best result we have ever had?

Trainer to class: Of all the benefits of attending this course which one motivates you to keep focused and learning?

Sales agent to prospect: What is the one objection that if we overcome you will realize that this is the best product for you?

Any good NLP Practitioner will recognize these as presuppositional questions. In non jargon terms, by considering and answering the question certain assumptions are presupposed as true. Now you understand the concept how many other ways can you think of using this?

On a good NLP Practitioner Course we will show you how to create presuppositions, generate questions and then tie them into a specific context like recruitment, coaching, sales and any other influencing situation you can think of.

Have you ever heard the saying - “ask a stupid question get a stupid answer”…well having read this article are you already considering the huge amount of power in well thought out constructive questions?

Having a clear, unambiguous understanding of role and responsibilities is one of the foundation stones on which successful managers operate. Without this, the manager cannot be sure what activities to lead on, take part in, praise, reward, discipline, or not be involved in. Managers will inevitably become involved in activities and take responsibility for activities that they should not. Worse, areas of responsibility that are those of the manager will be ignored. Managing personal workload and other individuals and teams effectively is not possible when the role and responsibilities of the manager are uncertain. The solution is to arrange for these to be discussed, clarified and agreed, and communicated to other managers and to operational employees. The manager and their line manager must then regularly review the role and responsibilities and make adjustments when necessary.

Whilst role and responsibilities can be relatively easily agreed, the question of degree of authority is often more difficult. A manager that has the responsibility for activities but, for example, has no authority to make necessary local activity changes, be flexible in managing budgets, praise or reward good performance, or discipline poor performance, will run into difficulties that can delay progress, consume unnecessary time, confuse operational employees and undermine the status of the manager. The solution is to discuss and agree, with line and specialist management, the areas and degree of authority of the manager, in general terms but also in regard to specific decisions. Once agreed this should be communicated to other managers and to individuals and teams.

In most organisations the pace of change and the complexity of activities are such that it is essential to forecast, plan, and prioritise. Unless this is done the manager will not be able to defend against potential problems, will waste time on unimportant activities, miss important deadlines. All of these negative effects will then, in turn, exacerbate the problems faced by the manager. The solution is to adopt a system of forecasting, planning, and prioritising. Prioritising can be determined through discussion with senior management and specialists, then communicated to the team. Activities should be linked to outcomes, objectives, deadlines, so that all involved are aware of the purpose of the activity. As part of this process, the manager should involve other individuals and teams as appropriate, and communicate the plans and priorities to all involved. In this way the manager will be in control of activities, prepared for potential difficulties, and have the support of key colleagues.

We look at this separately from the section above because setting unrealistic deadlines is a hidden cause of many time management problems. The manager must ensure that deadlines are achievable, otherwise the failure to meet them will itself become an additional problem that will impact on other outcomes and deadlines. However, it is rare for a plan to prove perfect, and deadlines do come under threat and may have to be changed. The solution is to make certain that deadlines are set as realistically as possible, and that where circumstances do change appropriate corrective action is taken, to enable the deadline to be met, or to set a new one. This flexibility of response to change must be a part of the plan. In major projects there should be contingency plans in place to allow appropriate responses to be made to known potential threats.

Usually this is not the direct fault of the individual manager, rather it is caused by corporate decisions that leave areas of activity under-resourced. However, it is a problem that individual managers must deal with. In situations where physical or financial resources are inadequate, the manager must take these factors into consideration when forecasting, planning and prioritising. Being realistic about any resource shortcomings will produce a realistic plan. Where the resource shortage is one of people, manpower, the same planning approach must be taken. However, in cases of forecast shortage of human resources, and particularly when unexpected shortages occur, there is an added danger that the manager will take on additional tasks, roles, responsibilities, and add these to the existing workload. This is to be avoided if at all possible, except for extreme emergencies and very short periods of time. It is impossible for the manager to manage effectively if they are overburdened with additional workload. Worse, they will often be unsuitable, in knowledge, skills, expertise, or physical attributes, to carry out these activities to a high standard. The result, potentially, can be highly damaging, as the manager loses control in key areas, and loses respect through their inability to perform to an acceptable standard in the inappropriate work they have taken on. The solution is to find another solution. This could be to: adjust the plan and deadlines to take into account the missing resources; negotiate for additional resources; bring in appropriate resources from lower priority activities. Due to the culture in some organisations it is difficult for managers to take such assertive, positive action, but if a strong, logical case is presented to senior management, most will accept the necessity of providing the required resources or adjusting the plan.

This is a major cause of problems. At the heart of it is the lack of understanding of the role of delegation. Because delegation is not understood, managers fall into many delegation traps: some do not recognise when delegation is necessary; some believe that it is better to do certain tasks themselves, as they see themselves as more expert or more trustworthy; some delegate but to the wrong people; others give insufficient information when delegating; many do not give sufficient support to the person delegated to; many do not monitor the delegated activity; many do not review the performance of those delegated to; hardly any ensure that individuals receive training and development in how to deal with delegated activities and responsibilities. The solution is to learn about delegation and to adopt best practice in this activity. Effective delegation releases the manager to focus on other issues, generates positive responses from individuals and teams, and develops individuals and teams. It is a highly valuable technique that the manager must learn to do well.

Meetings are necessary, but they must be productive meetings. The manager has two types of meetings that they must manage effectively. The first type is the meeting where the manager is the leader, the chair, the caller of the meeting. With these, the solution to making them productive is to manage them according to the established best practice. Those meetings that the manager attends purely as a participant should also be managed, but in the sense that the manager makes optimum use of the opportunity to obtain and present information, contribute to decision making, and maintain positive relationships.

Information that is insufficient, inaccurate, invalid, out of date, not relevant, will result in decisions that are flawed and this will impact negatively on the control over time management of the manager (and others). The usual cause of poor quality information is the lack of an effective system for gathering and analysing information. This can relate to external environment information and internal monitoring, control, and review of activity.

The underlying cause of poor time management and resulting problems is the personal behaviour of the manager. As well as the manager’s response to the problems described above, there are a number of negative personal behaviours which aggravate the situation, including:

Lacking assertiveness: leading to problems such as being unable to deal with conflict or poor performance. Having a disorganised approach: visible by an untidy desk, rushing to meet personal deadlines, submitting reports late. Fear of loss of control: leading to an inability to delegate, and in extreme cases refusing to take holidays or legitimate sickness absence. Aiming for perfection: an impossible dream but one that some managers pursue relentlessly. Inability to complete tasks: linked to the previous behaviour, this is a weakness that leads to the build up of workload and unnecessary pressure, and often has negative repercussions on others. Being over-ambitious: some managers believe that appearing to be managing a huge workload, or carrying out key tasks personally, will be viewed as attractive qualities and lead to promotion, whilst the opposite is usually true. Over-reacting to events: not giving enough reflection, analysis, discussion, to events, and rushing in with an inappropriate and potentially damaging response. Inability to refuse work: resulting in taking on too much work and potentially causing damage in terms of raised personal stress levels, poor quality outcomes, and conflict with others. Procrastination in dealing with difficult decisions or taking difficult action: resulting in the building up of tasks and problems which combine to cause time management problems but also could cause damage as they reach crisis level. Not managing interruptions from colleagues, visitors, telephone calls, emails: caused by not planning how to deal with unwanted interruptions, overestimating your own importance, being too easily available, having an open-door policy, not having unavailable times, being afraid of offending others, working in an inappropriate location.

The solution is obviously for the manager to change their behaviour. However this is not easy. It can only be achieved by building behavioural change into personal development activity, and with support from the line manager, specialist help, and other colleagues. The manager can, of course, take some independent action, once the causes have been identified, but many are not able to recognise that there is a problem. Most managers are not aware of the extent to which their behaviour is causing them time management difficulties. Appraisals and other performance feedback channels should be used, pro-actively, by all managers to examine their time management performance. Where shortcomings are identified then appropriate corrective action should be built into the next phase of the manager’s personal development plan. Improvement in the identified areas then becomes one of the aspects of the manager’s future performance that is monitored and appraised.

Managing time in the workplace successfully is not an easy task. However, despite the difficulties, by implementing the solutions suggested here the manager will be able to effectively manage their role, responsibilities, and workload. With help from others and the application of a consistent, positive, thoughtful approach, the manager will find that they can manage time effectively.

Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. “What if I never get well?” “What if my husband gets sick?” “What if I run out of money?” (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). “What if my son gets into drugs?” “What if my kids don’t get into good colleges?” “What if someone breaks into the house?”

Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that worry gave her.

I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother’s whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don’t remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother &ndash constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn’t want to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry that the house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.

As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!

It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress.

Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesn’t worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.

Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I’m stuck thinking about the future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!

Stories develop themes. The themes chosen to illustrate the possibility of stories are:

Relationships, Choice, Creativity, Making a Difference, Celebration.

Speakers are ordinarily people, from teachers to grandparents, from mountain climbers to cancer survivors. The platform provides them with a privilege and awesome responsibility to share their stories in a way that helps the audience to “wake up.” Good stories make people say, “Wait a minute. I can think or act differently about everything than I did before.” Stories are everywhere. Speakers learn to retrieve them and retell them to audiences as a way to show their humanness to show they care; to open people to possibility thinking and how making mistakes will lead to the courage to finally help them succeed. Because most of us delineate our thoughts visually, great stories help to enhance and even transform our lives.

Be unique. Think funny thoughts. Live and re-live your story when you are telling a story. Words are critical so be sure to pause when necessary and BE IN THE NOW. Your words need to create an image in the audience’s mind so that they can remember your story. They may be a step away from their own story. This will strengthen the connection between you and them.

It’s a good idea to use props to enhance your humor. Remember most people have an attention span of six to eight minutes.

The Coach asks… what is your story?

Some people have so much clutter and so much stuff all over the place, they think all it’s going to take is some fancy storage system they have in the home improvement store and everything will be fine.

A few shelves here and a few more drawers there… and presto!

Everything is organized.

But it’s usually not the case.

I used to have clients call me up because all they wanted was a “system” for their closet or garage.

But when I get to their home, I realize the problem is much deeper and extremely common.

TO MUCH STUFF!

And usually, adding storage only masks a bigger problem.

See, some people think just by putting in storage they can keep more stuff, when in fact all that’s happening is you’re moving things around, making you think you are more organized, but in reality you still have the same amount of clutter … it’s just a little neater.

Which brings me to the point of “putting the cart before the horse.”

Before you even think about storage, you have to do a real, honest assessment of the things you own.

I can almost guarantee you can get rid of some things.

Clothes, books, tools, boxes of who-knows-what, spare parts, junk…junk…junk.

So before you even think about spending money on storage systems - whether it’s cheap metal shelving or high-end fancy shelving units, start with the horse.

The clutter.

Get rid of things you don’t need. Clear off the counters. Empty the drawers.

Have a yard sale and clear some space.

Then, you can work on the cart.