My Essay Blog

Have you ever asked the universe for something and gotten a result that wasn’t what you intended? When wording our intentions and speaking our desires, it pays to be very specific! Consider these examples:

Shannon wants to be debt-free, so she states an intention: “I want to pay off all my debt.” Suddenly she starts receiving demands for payment in full on loans she’s been paying in installments, or she receives notices about old debts she’s forgotten about.

Kim wants to meet the man of her dreams, so she states an intention: “I want to meet a man who is loyal, dedicated, loving, and handsome.” She meets him all right, but then finds out he’s already married to someone else. Or she meets a single man with those qualities, but he’s “loyal and dedicated” to his job and has little time for a social life.

Wanda wants to lose weight, so she states an intention: “I want to lose weight fast!” Within a few days, she comes down with a stomach flu that causes her to lose 10 pounds in a week.

Steve wants a new car, so he states that intention. Next thing you know, his current car breaks down and the repair shop says it can’t be fixed, or if it can, the cost would be equal to that of a new car. He has no choice but to buy a new car!

These types of situations have happened to me more times than I care to count, and I see them happening to others frequently too. However, if we learn to define our desires and state our intentions in very specific terms, our chances of receiving exactly what we want increases dramatically.

Be clear about what you don’t want: First, it helps to know fully what you DON’T want. That sounds simple enough, but often we don’t take the time to get clear about it, so we end up attracting stuff by default. One good way to know what you don’t want is to take a look at the circumstances of your life right now. Which situations cause you stress, grief, pain, or frustration? Make a list of the things you don’t want, so you can get clear about what you DO want.

What DO you want, anyway? Once we understand what we don’t want, we need to give some in-depth thought to what we do want. Most often, our “do wants” are the exact opposite of our “don’t wants.” If you don’t want financial lack, you do want financial abundance. If you don’t want tension in your relationships, you do want harmonious interactions with others. Everything that is on your “don’t want” list, write the opposite outcome in a list of “do wants.”

Defining the end result: More importantly than making a list of “wants” is understanding the true desire behind these things. We may say we want “a lot of money,” but why? Money by itself does nothing for us. If we look a little deeper, we find that we want a lot of money so we can enjoy financial freedom, travel, and luxury in our lives. Rather than focusing only on the acquisition of money, we should instead focus on inviting the DESIRED OUTCOMES into our lives. Yes, and an abundance of money too. We don’t have to remove money as a desire, but seeing it as the end-all, be-all of our desires is incredibly limiting.

Be specific: Here’s where you get to exercise your creativity! In order to be specific in wording our intentions, we first need to know what we don’t want, and what we do want, and the desired outcome we are trying to create. The first three steps listed above took us through that, but how do we word our intentions so they will attract what we really want?

Consider the difference between these two intentions:

1) I want a lot of money so I don’t have to work at a job I hate.

2) I want to do work that fills me with passion and joy and attracts massive amounts of money into my life, giving me the freedom to work when I want to, and not have to when I don’t want to.

See the difference? It’s all in the details. With every intention, we need to specify a “how” and a “why.” Occasionally we can add in a “when,” but remember that the universe has its own perfect timing that may or may not align with our ideas of when things should happen.

Acknowledge the blessings in disguise: Sometimes, no matter how specific we are with our words, our desires will manifest in a way we didn’t particularly want or expect. There are probably varied reasons for this, but the reasons don’t even matter. The important thing is to see these experiences as opportunities. Rather than sinking into frustration and despair when our intentions aren’t being fulfilled the way we expected, we can honor the process for what it is and affirm that it will all work out in the best way possible.

Usually, that’s exactly what will happen. Happy intending!

Ring the bells that still can ring.

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack, a crack in everything.

That’s how the light gets in.

–Leonard Cohen

Tucked away in the deepest heart of Japan, somewhere beyond city life, probably beyond country life, resting in a humble shack on a simple shelf in a nearly bare room, you can find a really powerful idea about beauty. This idea, this way of life, this way of being, goes against everything the contemporary American culture sells. It goes against perpetually new cars, updated wardrobes and model homes. It is so radical, it goes toe-to-toe with any notion that the way things are ~ even when they are falling apart ~ are not the way things ought to be.

The idea is scoffed at by those who inhumanely offer something more, and bigger and better. Yet if we can find our way past the standard-issue scoffing, hunt down this old idea, and recognize it as the pearl of great price, we can heal these painful beauty obsessions of ours. Really, we can.

What is this simple idea that has the power to take on an entire capitalistic culture, or at least the capitalistic culture within us? Wabi Sabi, the art and practice of honoring the imperfect.

Yes, there actually is a whole field of study and devotion to this very topic we are starving for. Wabi Sabi celebrates the cracked pot, the aged desk, the beaten up fishing rod, and the rusting bed frame that has become an outdoor border for a flower “bed” in the yard. It is Wabi, the “humble,” alongside Sabi, “the beauty of the natural progression of time.” (It is also much more and far deeper than that, but this is a start.) It leaves behind the pursuit of perfection while bringing appreciation to the simple, unaffected beauty of things as they are.

Which includes us. You and me, Wabi Sabi. The real us, below all our crazy attempts at being how we are supposed to be and all of our insecurities because we still have not pulled it off. Weathered by time, all our cockiness worn off, like the shine of brass on buckles and bangles, when we are Wabi Sabi we are simply beautiful because we exist. Nothing flashy. No need for a six-figure contract with options, bells and whistles. Just us, with our weathered faces that have seen every expression known to humanity, our often sagging or misshapen breasts, and the hips and thighs that have carried us through our history, the good times and the bad.

So… Getting older? Wabi Sabi’s got no problem with that. Wabi Sabi says that older things reveal their true nature in time. In many native cultures, a woman is not allowed to speak on topics requiring wisdom until she is at least fifty years old. These cultures get that the Wabi Sabi women have something special, maybe even sacred, to say. Yes, getting older is a good thing.

Looking weathered? Wonderful, you beautiful piece of Wabi Sabi driftwood, you. Gone from your original intended form to a new form through the slow tumbling of the ocean of life. How natural. How normal. How stunning. How Wabi Sabi.

Disheartened because you can’t have and do all “they” say you have to? How fabulous. Do a Wabi Sabi job of it. Then sleep the good sleep that comes after a simple, honest days work that you have let go of. Oh, heck, why wait? Why not take a Wabi Sabi nap right now?

Tired and near penniless from continually acquiring bright and shiny new playthings? Perfect time to say enough really is enough. The sun still shines, a free-for-all that is free for all. (By the way, one thing I’ve noticed about Wabi Sabi people. They actually see sunrises and sunsets on a regular basis.)

I know, I know. You hear what I’m saying. But you are still worried about what will happen if you get off the treadmill. So think on this: There Are Six Billion People In The World. Do you really think you are going to beat them all in the game of life? Is it really worth all that you have to do, give and give up (like your real life, for example), so you can master money, love, education, self-esteem, sexuality, heath, parents, children, and career, by the time you are&ndashwhat&ndash29?

It seems ridiculous to have to remind ourselves that life itself is birth and death, up and down, movement from newborn to middle age to older to ancient. That it is sheer insanity to wait to be happy until we have mastered the ability to balanced all of life on the head of a pin while standing on one hand. Yet we do, indeed, seem to need to remind ourselves. Often.

So let me remind you. There is nothing wrong with you. Even if you have problems. Problems are a fact of the human condition. How you co-exist with your problems is all that you can change. And since Wabi Sabi acknowledges that even how you are co-existing with your problems will inevitably be imperfect, you’re there. You’ve already arrived at the ideal Wabi Sabi state. Now, you can live. Just Live.

Getting up on the wrong side of the bed can affect the way you feel and perform at work. Your negative persona can be portrayed to fellow employees. Being unsatisfied with the work you are doing, as well as being unhappy with your pay can impact your work as well. Because work motivation can fluctuate daily, several approaches can be utilized to help maintain a positive motivation. They are as follows:

Tone and gesture:

A positive vocal tone, along with calm mannerisms, is most important in the work environment. Without these things, everyone around you will be affected in some way by your bad or frustrated mood. Production will go down, along with employee moral. To keep a positive head on your shoulders, try to steer clear of irritable people. Tell yourself, “I have a job to do and I have to do it the best that I can.” If you see someone having a rough day, extend a smile or a nice gesture. Remember that your positive manner can help improve someone’s negative tone.

On-the-job expectations:

Bosses organize and distribute projects to employees; however, sometimes the boss does not clearly state the main objectives. This often causes confusion and irritability among the workforce. If you are not sure exactly what is expected of you, be certain to check in with your boss to discuss what needs to be done. This will not only clarify to you what you job is, but it will also show your boss that you are concerned and have a great deal of work motivation.

Continue to learn and improve skills:

Consistently improving your skills and knowledge is a sign of work motivation. Learning and improving skills for work can be achieved in many ways. Companies send employees to business seminars so that employees can improve their skills. Many seminars teach employees how to stay focused, how to deal with stress, how to improve self-esteem, or how to improve skills (such writing, computer skills, or drawing). Attending business seminars give you work motivation to apply what you learned while on the job. Also, if your company has an educational assistance program, take advantage of it. Most companies will pay for you to take college level courses, if they are directly related to your job. You can talk to your boss or your Human Resources Director about how to begin the program.

Make Time For Others:

Taking time out of your busy schedule to help a fellow employee with a project illustrates that you are a dedicated team player. This is also a recognizable form of work motivation. It is also beneficial to you, because often times when you help someone, they will one day return the favor.

Do not forget that work motivation starts with a positive attitude. You have to take responsibility for your actions in the workplace and show others that you are dedicated and hard working. Only then will you be a highly respected employee.

The law of attraction is all about magnetizing your visualization so that whatever that you have asked the universe for, will be attracted to you. One of the most important practices to harness the powers of electro-magnetic energy in the body is to sleep with the head of the bed pointing North, parallel to the earth’s magnetic poles. When all the molecules in the body are synchronized in one direction, they become magnetic, and will draw whatever you wish for from the universe.

Another important element in harnessing this magnetic energy is the practice of deep breathing. Oxygen is food for the brain and it has magnetic qualities. Practice deep breathing in an opened window where the air is fresh. Do not breathe the petrol-laden air of the streets, because they contain contaminants like carbon monoxide that poisons the body cells. If you can help it, breathe the morning air in the garden, where fresh oxygen has just been produced from the plants’ photosynthesis. Or breathe the morning air on the hills or the salty breezy air of the sea. Oxygen makes you magnetic and causes your thoughts to attract whatever you are asking the universe.

The quality of the air and the oxygen in it is best in the morning, because the production of oxygen by the plants and trees is done at night. This is the reason why when we wake up in the morning to go to the office, we notice that the air is cool and fresh, because the oxygen has just been produced. We become more energetic and alert when we breathe in the morning air, as compared with the afternoon air.

If you can wake up at 5 am in the morning (I suggest you do because a lot of successful people wake up at this time as a matter of discipline), do your meditation, visualization and deep breathing at the same time by an opened window, provided it is not too cold. I enjoy the stillness of dawn in New England during the spring with the fresh crispy air in the garden. As I sit on the lawn chair I meditate, visualize and performed deep breathing and sent out my order to the universe. With the sound of birds chirping in the distance, it makes my meditation surreal and powerful. After spending about 20 minutes on this, I reward myself with a hot cup of tea. What a wonderful way to start the day.

The quality of the manifestations by the universe and the end result is dependant on the quality of your thought power. The signal that you send out has to have the power of electro-magnetic energy harnessed from the earth’s magnetic poles and the fresh oxygen of the morning. When you are magnetic, the universe will hear you more clearly, because your thought waves are more powerful. You will begin to notice life starting to change for the better. Your wishes will come true, you become healthier and more energetic, and people find you more attractive.

Expatriate years offer a wonderful time and opportunity to reinvent oneself. As an expatriate you want to hold onto those parts of you that you love and that work for you, no matter where you are. But while you trail around the world, you have the very good fortune to pick up new skills and/or explore hidden ones to add to the tapestry of your life.

Yes, it is true that as an expatriate you do miss your home, friends, family, and the sense of community and security you had before relocating abroad. Traditions that have been part of your life for so long have to take the backseat to new conventions and customs. The “norms” back home are not always quite that current in one’s new host country.

In South Africa I am one of the crowd, in the USA I was the girl with the accent, in Israel I was considered na

How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like, “You’ve got to lose weight,” or “You should get up earlier every morning and exercise,” or “Today I should get caught up on the bills,” or “I’ve got to get rid of this clutter.” Let’s explore what happens in response to this voice.

We have a very good reason for judging ourselves: the judgmental part of us believes that by judging, criticizing, “shoulding” ourselves, we will motivate ourselves to take action and therefore protect against failure or rejection. We may have been judging ourselves to get ourselves to do things “right” since we were kids, hoping to keep ourselves in line. And we keep on doing it because we believe it works.

Let’s take the example of Karl, who is a high-powered executive in a large accounting firm. Karl has had a heart attack and is supposed to watch his diet. Right after his heart attack, he did well avoiding sugar, fats, and overeating, but after six months or so, he found himself struggling with his food plan. In our counseling session, Karl told me he was upset with himself for having a big desert as well as a big meal the night before. I asked Karl to put himself back into the situation and recreate what he had been feeling.

“Well, I was out to dinner with one of our biggest clients. He asked me a question and I didn’t remember the facts, so I couldn’t answer him. As soon as this happened, that voice came into my head telling me that I’m stupid, that I should have remembered it and ‘What’s the matter with me anyway?’”

“What did you feel as soon as you judged yourself?” I asked.

“Well, looking back, I think I felt that sad, sort of dark empty hollow feeling I often get inside. And you know what - that’s when I started to eat a lot of bread with tons of butter and ordered the desert! I didn’t realize it was in response to that empty feeling that I hate!”

“So the sad empty feeling is what you feel when you judge yourself. Judging yourself is an inner abandonment, so your Inner Child then feels alone, sad and empty. You are telling your Child that he is not good enough. I know that you don’t do this with your actual children, but you do it a lot with yourself, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I think it do it all the time. After I judged myself for not knowing the answer, then I judged myself for eating too much and having desert. And then I felt even worse.”

“So what did you hope for by judging yourself?

“I guess I hoped that I could control my eating and also get myself to work harder so I wouldn’t forget things.”

“It doesn’t seem to be working.”

“No, it just makes me feel terrible. In fact, I can see that judging myself for not knowing the answer made me feel so badly that then I wanted to eat more. Instead of giving me more control, it gave me less!”

“So you are trying to have control over yourself through your self-judgments, but what actually happens is that you feel awful and behave in addictive ways to avoid the pain. I think what also happens is that some part of you goes into resistance to being judged and told what to do, so you end up doing the opposite of what you tell yourself you should do.”

“Right. As soon as I tell myself not to eat so much and judge myself for eating, that’s when I really want to eat. So I’m eating to not be controlled and also because in judging myself I’m abandoning myself, which makes me feel sad and empty, and I’ve always used food to fill up that emptiness. Whew! How do I stop this cycle?”

“You can’t stop it until you are conscious of it. As long as you are doing it unconsciously - on automatic pilot - you have no choice over it. So the first thing you can do is not try to change it but just notice it. As you become very aware of this pattern, you will have the choice to change it. You will have the choice to be loving and caring toward yourself instead of judgmental once you become aware of what you are doing. You can start by noticing every time you feel that empty sad feeling, and then exploring what you were telling yourself that led to the painful feeling.”

Karl did start to notice and over time was able to stop judging himself. Not only did the sad empty feeling that he had experienced so often in his life go away, but he was able to keep to his medical nutrition plan for his heart. When his Inner Child felt loved instead of judged, he didn’t need to eat to take away the pain.

As any doctor or mental health specialist will tell you there are different types of depression. Each of these depression types will manifest themselves in the person in completely different forms. Currently there are some well documented types of depression that various people in the world are afflicted with. Also each of the depression disorders can have similar and different symptoms.

Since each of the depression types vary the severity of their symptoms and the level of persistence can be different for each sufferer. The main types of depression are Major or Unipolar Depression, Chronic or Dysthymia depression, and Manic or Bipolar Depression. Besides the main depression types there are subdivisions of these disorders. As the different types of depression have a completely different effect on each person, the method of treatment must also be individualized.

With Major depression the symptoms are the same as depression, they are however more intense than normal depression symptoms. These symptoms will interfere with the daily activities of the individual. The work, study, eating and sleep patterns can become disturbed. The person will not be able derive any pleasure from their earlier activities. The depressive attacks of Major depression can be debilitating and the quality of life becomes noticeably poorer.

In Major depression the episodes can be either single occurring or recurring. A single occurring episode will vanish after the treatment has taken effect. For a recurring Major depression there will be a phase of Major depression followed by depression. These bouts of depression are followed by perhaps several years of normal depression free life. The attacks can then occur without any warning.

Chronic depression is less severe than either Major depression or Bipolar depression. The symptoms are life long. A person who has Chronic depression can still carry out their lives without any interference from the symptoms. There is a strong possibility of double depression occurring to the individual. Double depression is a mixture of Chronic depression and Major depression.

Bipolar depression is not as common as the other types of depression. The mood swings of this depression are cyclic. That is there are periods of euphoric highs and sad, worthless lows. There are times when the mood changes can be very rapid and dramatic. The symptoms of Bipolar depression include being overactive, having lots of boundless energy, loss of good judgment, feeling invincible amongst others.

All of the depression types have different ways of reacting with different individuals. Each of these depression symptoms need to receive the right sort of treatment. Therefore you should consult a doctor to have your depression diagnosed and treatment begun.

One of the most terrifying things to do is to speak in front of a large group of people. But if you wish to be successful in your career, you should learn how to overcome your nervousness and anxiety. Public speaking is a skill that can actually be acquired by following some helpful tips.

Use Visual Aids

If you become nervous because the audience attention is focused on you, you should try using some visual aids like charts and video presentation. This way the attention is shifted away from you and you would feel less anxious.

Be Well-Prepared

One of the most important things you can do is to come to your speaking engagement well-prepared. This means that you have researched your topic and practiced the things you will be saying in front of these people. If you want you can practice with some friends so you would get honest evaluation on your speech. You should also try to get enough rest before the day of your speech so that you are alert and focused.

Try Relaxation Techniques

Before speaking, remove your nervousness through a couple of relaxing techniques such as deep breathing, stretching or meditating. Some people get relaxed by drinking a glass of water or listening to some music.

There are some people who feel extremely nervous and show signs of dizziness, nausea and sweating. This nervousness may even be translated as fear and can be removed using several treatments like psychotherapy and hypnotherapy.

Psychotherapy would usually involve counseling, which would help pinpoint the exact cause of your fear and anxiety. There maybe some events in the past which contributed the present situation. The sessions can last depending on your response to the treatment. It could take for as short as three months or as long as several years.

On the other hand, hypnotherapy is known to provide quicker results. The treatment usually involves hypnotism performed by a qualified individual. Depending on your problems with public speaking, hypnotherapy can rid you of your fears after one to five sessions and it is relatively cheaper.

Conquering your nervousness is actually the key to effective public speaking. If you did not learn to manage your anxiety and nervousness, it would not matter how well you have prepared for your speech. You will still end up tongue-tied, agitated and greatly embarrassed, which could have been avoided in the first place.

Here’s a definite sign that something has made it into the collective consciousness:

Oprah features it on her show.

If you’re at all inclined in this way, you’ve probably already seen ‘The Secret’.

Here are my thoughts on this:

I love ‘The Secret’. It’s absolutely phenomenal. I wholly recommend it if you haven’t seen it yet. It may just have an impact on your life.

I believe completely in ‘The Law of Attraction’ and know that it is at work in my life and the lives of my students, my family, and everyone who has the inclination to pay attention to this.

What is the Law of Attraction?

Whatever you concentrate on, is what is drawn to you. If you focus on your lack of money and fret about your debt, you will get more ‘need’.

However, if you concentrate on ‘attracting’ money, you become a money magnet. You attract more affluence.

This isn’t just about money, but about absolutely everything in your life. Health and wellness, love, relationships, sex. . . as well as business, converting prospects to clients. . .

Of course, there are naysayers–people, who in an attempt to make a name for themselves–have decided to tear down ‘The Secret’.

What does this have to do with persuasion? And why would someone want to trash it?

The Secret is certainly in the news and many people will use things in the news to piggyback. In fact, I love to use the piggybacking strategy myself when I get a chance. And I guess you have to take a stand one way or another on things, so this group of people chose to take a negative stand.

If you’re like me, you probably don’t agree with everything you hear from any source.

The next question I have is, do you agree with everything you’ve heard about ‘The Secret’? I, for one, do not.

But let’s not throw the baby away with the bathwater. Just because there are a few things I don’t believe in, doesn’t mean there’s not a whole lot of value to be gained. It’s like taking the position. . . “Well, money can be used in a negative way so I don’t want to have anything to do with money.”

If a person objects to positive mental thinking, positive mental attitudes, and the sage advice that has shaped our nation and most all of the successful people in the world today that have followed along the footsteps of great thinkers of our time, then I guess someone could genuinely be upset with ‘The Secret’.

But what in particular did ‘The Secret’s’ detractors pick on? One thing is that ‘The Secret’ talks about our own personal responsibility and says that, “We all choose our own reality. Even the people of Darfur consciously chose their plight in life.”

And to that, the people who were criticizing ‘The Secret’ responded, “That’s nonsense. ‘The Secret’ is a cult and it’s saying things that are blatantly untrue.” The frame the naysayers are putting on this is “cult”.

I absolutely do not believe that the people of Darfur or people who suffer terribly wherever they are consciously chose to be where they are. In an attempt to entertain, ‘The Secret’ may have gone too far.

When you consider it, however, many millions of people believe in something along those lines.

And perhaps people who believe in reincarnation and karma would agree that we don’t consciously choose our lives, but have unconsciously chosen. And like the Buddhist traditions, I believe it’s possible that we’re here to learn and that life is a school. Not all lessons this school has to offer are pleasant ones.

Through the perspective of reincarnation they might believe that we choose our parents, we choose the country we’re going to be born in, and we choose to live the lessons that earth has to give us such that one day we don’t need to come back anymore and we can evolve to a higher level.

I’m not asking you to believe in reincarnation, but can you see that with this belief as the basis for the premise of ‘choosing’, then it might be reasonable for ‘The Secret’s’ makers to say something like, “The people in Africa who are starving have chose their plight in life so that they could experience these difficulties to learn how to overcome them or simply experience a life of poverty”?

I think the answer is absolutely yes. They didn’t choose them consciously; they chose them before they came into this earthly experience.

Why should we tear this theory down?

I have my own beliefs and thoughts. I believe we need to be responsible. I believe we need to be careful, but to deny the value some people have derived, just to tear it down, I just can’t fathom.

Difficult as it may seem to quit smoking, once you have succeeded, it is all the more rewarding. The first quit smoking benefits are related to your health. Your body is the first to profit from freedom of nicotine. Second, yet equally important, come the quit smoking benefits for your mind, and last, but not least, the quit smoking benefits on your life as a whole.

Do not fear the withdrawal cravings and symptoms. They are normal, given the fact that you are a nicotine addict. Yet, there are ways to minimize or completely get rid of the anxiety, the excessive eating appetite or any other symptoms associated with nicotine deprival. You always have the option of taking a shot, or use oral medicine to counteract the aggressive effects of withdrawal. Only after overcoming the difficulty of the first days of cleansing, you will start feeling the quit smoking benefits.

You will have nothing but to gain if you give up cigarettes. There are small health problems that can make you really miserable, like yellow teeth and nails, bad breath or smell and taste loss. Very uncomfortable as they are, you will be rid of them once you are off smoking. Plentifully enjoying food smell and taste, a beautiful flawless smile or nice manicure may look like trifles, but they are really important details and quit smoking benefits.

Any addiction has a physical and a psychological dimension. As hard as you may try to deal with the former, there are little chances to get any quit smoking benefits if you ignore the latter. Psychological addiction is the most difficult to cure. The body can be detoxified by a strict, fresh food diet, but what about the mind? Meditation and breathing techniques learned in yoga as well as counseling courses are the right course to take in order to end your addiction and really start reaping quit smoking benefits.

As a whole, your entire body system will change. Quitting smoking will prove a major turn in your life, particularly if that helps you overcome serious health problems. You will eat healthier and you’re choice of food will be dictated by the impulse to live well, you will be doing lots of physical exercises. Higher sleep quality will give you stamina and outdoor activities will no longer be breath taking, but a pleasure. This is to mention a few of the quit smoking benefits that will change your life. One thing is for sure: you will never regret quitting smoking.