My Essay Blog

Stress, like the weather, is ever present in our lives. While unavoidable, we can make it more manageable, just as we can dress appropriately to suit weather conditions. Stress, defined as our reactions to external situations or internal psychological states, affects our physical health and emotional well-being. Despite all the advice that has been written about stress, why are so many of us overwhelmed by it?

One reason is that we find it difficult to accept that living itself causes various forms of stress, making it impossible to eliminate. Nor is all stress bad. The satisfying excitement of achievements and happy events in our lives result in a stress that we welcome. But it is realistic to avoid–or at least reduce–the harmful forms of psychological stress (e.g., worries, anxieties, fears, irritability and depression) and the damaging physiological reactions (e.g., increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, muscular tensions, and an impaired immune system). Stress may also cause us to behave destructively.

Let me say that in coping with stress, we should avoid ineffective or self-defeating techniques, including overindulgence in alcohol, smoking and the use of illegal drugs. These temporary methods not only fail to relieve stress but cause more damage–physically, emotionally, relationship and job- wise. Users become addicted to them and all too often spiral out of control.

Another approach to controlling stress is the use of psychotropic drugs prescribed by physicians. But as a psychologist, I use behavioral and other psychotherapeutic techniques. With most people, these treatments are effective. But they involve the persons participating in their own recovery. However, if the person’s stress is severe, medical consultation could be indicated. Knowledgeable physicians will treat their patients with an effective drug that has the fewest side effects and will follow up on the patient’s progress. They will also reduce or eliminate the medication when the stress is manageable. The patient should not hesitate to question the psychiatrist about the medications and their effects. Often, psychotherapy may be indicated to make more effective and lasting progress.

Physical causes for stresses should not be overlooked. A good physical work-up may be necessary to find out if medical treatment is indicated. Sometimes, medications themselves can cause stress reactions. In considering the cause of stress, we may need to play detective.

Let us keep in mind that people differ in their coping styles. Even with the loss of a loved one, a relationship breakup, losing one’s job or a serious financial setback, some people are more resilient. Others recover more slowly or are even stymied in moving on with their lives. Those whose suffering is severe or lengthy should not avoid seeking professional help. As a consumer advocate, I would suggest that the person consider the various treatment options and consider the pros and cons of each.

Strange as it may sound, stress can be helpful! Like pain, it can motivate us to make changes in our lives or to obtain the necessary treatment that can not only reduce stress, but also improve our lives. I can give two examples in my own life. One concerned a job that was damaging my physical health and psychological well-being. Those stresses made me quit the job, return to school and change my career. A second was an overwhelming workload and a weight gain that were taking a physical and emotional toll on my health. I switched to a nutritious eating pattern and started practicing meditation techniques; both improved my physical and psychological health. I must admit that I had the same difficulties as my patients in overcoming these self-destructive patterns. While we are creatures of habit, we can be motivated to change if we strive for health, longevity and greater happiness.

Having used myself as a case study let me give an example from my psychotherapy practice. A patient worked for two years without a pay raise. Finally, he was encouraged to approach his supervisor. He discovered that the supervisor was unaware of the situation and promptly got the patient his raise. This problem arose because of a personnel glitch and the patient’s not speaking up sooner. He had underestimated how valued a worker he was. His insecurities contributed to the problem! As a result off this experience, he was also able to consider other situations in his life that he could confront.

But let’s be realistic. Another supervisor could have acted differently and defensively. If he had, my patient could have considered all possible options, such as appealing to a director, looking for another job or biding his time if he was not ready to quit. While not wanting to unnecessarily prolong our suffering, we should avoid acting impulsively. It is best to carefully consider our options, including a change in the situation. For several of my patients the difficult supervisor was transferred or quit. Since we are each unique, there are no boilerplate solutions. Know thyself is a good maxim. One person may find it better to quit, another to bide his time. But each should consider the consequences of each choice.

Let me now mention couple relationships which offer not only many satisfactions but, as we all know, stresses as well. While we realize “talking it over” is helpful, all too often, each person goes into the defensive or critical mode. Criticizing and complaining are counter-productive, escalate the conflict and make a bad situation worse. Communication, while highly desirable, has to be constructive All too often we ignore the basic ground rules of effective communication. They include: a calm situation where both are willing to spend the necessary time to listen as well as talk. Rather than criticizing, or complaining and defensively not admitting to any fault, just listen. Don’t neglect to say what you like about the other person and the positive aspects of the relationship. If neither existed, why would you want to remain in such a relationship? Present the difficulties in perspective. I can’t go into all of the effective communication techniques that help resolve conflicts, but be assured there are many. If such discussions don’t help, consider other alternatives, including couple counseling. If your partner is unwilling to go, consider going yourself to get help as to what to do. Often, the partner who’s unwilling to come may change his or her mind. With a skilled therapist, couple counseling will help both persons realize what each is doing to contribute to the problems and what each can do to improve the situation.

One recent example is the couple that came to me, the wife saying, “He threw me out!” while the husband said, “She left and wouldn’t return.” It soon became clear that after a heated argument, he told her, “If you’re unhappy, you can leave.” After she left, she refused to return. By the way, anger, a stress itself, interferes with listening and thinking. The couple, after several sessions, realized that their intentions were not to end the relationship but rather that their words were expressing anger and frustration. They decided to again live together and in counseling learned to discuss and resolve their conflicts more rationally. If all efforts fail to resolve differences, couples may consider divorce to end a futile situation. Hopefully, each can learn from the experience and move on with their lives. If there are children, the couple should avoid involving them in their conflict and reduce as much as possible the damaging effects on them.

Let me summarize my approach, which is appreciably condensed in this brief article. First, realize stress is an inescapable aspect of living and may even prod us into improving our lives. Two, consider the causes of the stress (don’t leave yourself out!) and the options for reducing or eliminating it. Three, realize that many stressful situations have developed over time and may be complicated. So don’t expect instant solutions. Consider solutions a process in which we may be stymied, enter blind alleys, make blunders, but always consider the ways to recover and better resolve the situation. Four, realize that reactions to stress are not limited to fight or flight. Our human species has the capabilities for considering constructive options if we are motivated, realistic, persistent, flexible and are open to getting professional help. And lastly, realize that a realistically optimistic attitude can be maintained or learned if necessary to help us effectively handle the stresses in our lives and live more happily.

Have you ever wondered why the head of a company is paid so much more than for example, specialists in the company such as an engineer? Is it because he knows every job in the company?

No I don’t think so. He may have a general idea about what is going on in every department but that usually is it.

I believe it is because he knows or is supposed to know how to lead, organize, manage and bring together, different units to efficiently function as one. I call such a person a mastermind and I believe that anyone can become one.

As a mastermind you don’t need to know everything about a company or an area of business you wish to venture in. A little bit is helpful but not necessary.

People think to become spectacularly successful you need to be highly educated or a genius. I will show you in this short article that you don’t need either to become successful beyond your wildest dreams in any area you may choose.

Let me give you a real-life example of someone who didn’t know everything yet achieved a lot in many different areas. I’m sure you’ve heard of British billionaire Sir Richard Branson. One of the first ventures that Branson got involved in was the music industry. Was he a musician? No! Did he know how the music industry worked? No! He didn’t know much about the music industry except that there was a lot of money to be made.

Branson started Virgin Records and made a lot of money in a short time. Next he launched an airline called Virgin Atlantic. Following this Branson launched a number of other ventures including a soft drink, Virgin Cola, as well as Fitness clubs. Did Branson know a lot about these industries he got involved in? The answer is again no!

So, as the example of Sir Richard Branson clearly illustrates, you can venture into virtually any industry and make a success of it without knowing too much about it. All you need is the ability to identify needs and to capitalize on them coupled with a fervent desire to succeed.

How is this possible you may ask? Let me tell you how and why this is possible! There are and always will be people with skills and qualifications who will need someone to provide them with a job. As a mastermind you can become that someone.

We all know what happened after September 11, then airlines and other firms started to downsize. Thousands and thousands of highly qualified people were laid off to roam the streets looking for jobs. Thousands more left colleges and joined the thousands already on the streets hoping to find a job.

Those who are already masterminds capitalized on this opportunity and if you were one, you could too.

Here’s what you need to do in order to become a mastermind:

- First you need to identify a need in the marketplace or elsewhere,

- Set-up the framework to capitalize on that need (company)

- Find the people with the skills (victims of downsizing, college graduates)

- Trigger the demand by advertising your service/product

- Supply the resulting demand

In the end you create a win-win situation for all. As a mastermind you identify a need and exploit the skills of these highly qualified individuals. They in turn get a job, which they didn’t have and for which they and their families will be eternally grateful to you. Do you want to become a mastermind?

Then go and become it!

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Live it up

Being single, you need to live within your means &ndash in style. It does not mean that being single you have to be miserly and shabby. Nights do not have to be cold and lonely because you need a sweet loving man to warm you up. To know how blessed you are read the ballad of a wife:

When I was single, Lord I dressed so fine

Now that I’m married, Lord, I go ragged all the time

Lord, don’t I wish I was a single girl again.

Sometimes women make the foolish mistake of saving things for special occasions. A dress kept in a box, waiting for a blitz in the Ritz which never comes, or a slinky little black dress waiting for the big night that goes pffttt are sad memories of what could have been.

So, single girls have fun and live it up. You don’t have to be rich to be a star in your own boudoir and rule. Well girls, you don’t have to have a guy in your life to enjoy Fredericks outfits from intimate apparel to costumes. Grab those Fredericks of Hollywood coupons and get as much as $15-$75 off from a $100 to $250 purchase.

The marvels of single blessedness

This is a standard question asked of any single girl. You shouldn’t dread this question. There is no hard and fast rule that, by 22, you should raising kids and doing the laundry. It is not also against the law to be single &ndash man or woman. But it is a crime not to enjoy life because you are single.

One of the best things in life single girls enjoy is shopping without the guilt. With Fredericks of Hollywood coupons, they can be Angelina Jolies, Jennifer Anistons, Hillary Duffs, and Ashley Judds. What’s there to stop them?

You can wake up to a morning without the hassle of preparing breakfast for a hungry army of children. Have a sandwich and drink a cup of coffee, shower, dress-up, and you’ll be ready for a long day ahead.

After work, you can stop at the bar with friends or grab a bite. At home, you can latch on to your PC and hunt for jewelry or Fredericks of Hollywood coupons. If there’s a concert, leave your computer, go out, and join your friends and swing.

Life is uncomplicated for single girls if they play their cards well. So, worrying about not being hitched or wondering when the right man is going to show up at the door is a waste of time and energy.

Enjoy your show

Dress up and be merry. Enjoy all those beautiful lingerie, gowns, and accessories with Fredericks of Hollywood coupons. While life is still uncomplicated, have fun. Being single and young happens only once in a lifetime, so make the right choices in matters of the heart and shopping.

One of the most amazing things about being human is that every dream or creation leads us to want to dream bigger, or to create a bigger dream than the ones we had before.

One of the main reasons why your life looks the way it does right now is YOU WEREN’T SPECIFIC ENOUGH. Thought you’d never have to hear that again, right? And so we got a version of what we wanted, but it wasn’t the complete version. See, we spend a lot of time looking at what we don’t want, but very little being very specific about what we do want. I remember one day I wrote what my perfect guy looked like; I thought I wrote everything … everything that was, except his personality. Well within 3 days the guy matching my description showed up, with a personality I couldn’t stand!

My prosperity partners and I were doing a project once (and I have to tell you it’s the hardest thing waiting for 3 other people’s opinions!) At one point during the project there were objections about different things; one was about the color we were using for the project, for example. For the first time I truly understood how GOD/UNIVERSE operated ~ minus my frustration of course ~ but I kept thinking ‘If you just tell me what color you want I’ll make it happen. I don’t care, I want whatever you want, but you have to know what you want.’ You can’t just say ‘I don’t like the red balloons’, well what color balloons do you want?

Days, weeks, months pass and no answer comes.

Well, I can’t read minds people and neither can the Universe/GOD. The universe/GOD will give you exactly what you want every single time…IF you just tell it/him what you want. But if you give a general description then that’s what you get; something fitting that general description.

Another reason your lives are the way they are is because we forget the dreams we put into creation. As time goes by, you forget that last week you wanted something…3 years ago you wanted something else…and when you add the fact that you weren’t specific in the first place, it’s easy to see that when it comes into your life 3 or 4 years down the line you don’t even recognize it. You treat it as some random thing happening to you. Ever see someone wanting a Red car but not saying ‘I want a red car that runs smoothly and is reliable’? Well then they get the red car, but it breaks down every day and they say ‘This isn’t what I wanted!’ Or someone with a spouse; they wanted this person at one point. But now it’s more like ‘This isn’t what I wanted!’ Maybe they forgot to ask for someone who was faithful, or for someone who had the same values as they did.

Did you ever truly know what you wanted? Did you ever write it out, or were you too busy saying

‘I don’t want to be single anymore. I want a spouse!’? ‘I don’t want to be broke anymore; I want to have more money!’

News flash: a penny is more money.

So when the Universe sent you that one penny laying on the floor it fulfilled your wishes. ‘That’s not what I meant’ you say. Remember, the Universe/God can’t read minds. You never said how much. So maybe you didn’t know how much you wanted, or even better you didn’t want to decide because if you did, you may not get as much as you could get, right? Well, ‘more money’ is very general, so it may not be quite what you had in mind by the time it gets here.

How about the job that you have? Did you think about describing your coworkers? How about the boss you wanted? Nope, you didn’t…because you don’t really believe you have any control.

The next reason is YOU KEEP CHANGING YOUR MIND. How many times have you changed your mind in the last hour, or the last year? We change our minds all the time, constantly rearranging and changing and readjusting the thought, and so by the time it gets here it’s virtually unrecognizable.

This is excerpted from the book “You are already living the life of your dreams” by Ophelia Nicholson.

Better than plastic surgery

Joni Mitchell has a song, “Happiness is the best facelift”, but curiosity is an equally effective anti-aging device. If you want to stay youthful and energetic, consider the role of curiosity in your life. As kids, many of us were not encouraged to be curious: “Remember, curiosity killed the cat”, my grandma told me when I asked too many questions. At the time (age 5) I shut up and obeyed her, but I wish I had replied with, “But Grandma, I’ll bet that cat had a fabulous 9 lives before he died.”

Curiosity in the world

Curiosity is enthusiasm about your own life and that of others. It’s about being out there in the world, not all wrapped up in your neurotic little self. Curiosity is questioning, wondering, and pondering. Reading can be a great way to experience curiosity: you can travel the world and meet the most bizarre and amazing people without leaving your sofa. Travel is another way to express your curiosity about the world. When you go to different places, you leave your comfort zone behind: new people, places, things and customs keep you alert and pose questions like: “Why do they do that?” or “What would I be like if I grew up here?” Curiosity in the world keeps us mentally expanding and growing…and youthful!

Curiosity about yourself

Besides wondering about others and how they live, it’s mentally healthy to wonder about yourself. When you ask yourself questions like:

 Who am I really?

 Who am I today?

 Who did I used to be?

 Who do I want to be in 5, 10 or 15 years?

You literally create new neural patterns in your brain that keep you younger, smarter and healthier. While there is a fine line between self-curiosity and self-obsession (hello narcissists!), it’s hard to grow without periodic spells of self-examination (even Madonna said, “an unexamined life is not worth living” in her song lyrics), You can use self-help books, prayer, meditation, psychotherapy and even shopping to explore your curiosity about yourself. Yes, shopping! For example, when you go shopping, how do you define what’s really “You”? Do you look at something and think, “I like that shirt/lamp/whatever, but that’s just not ‘me’.” This is shopping as a form of self-definition. By saying “yes” or “no” to things you could wear/buy/have, you are asking yourself, “Who am I and what do I think is right for me?” So the next time you go shopping, consciously enjoy your curiosity. Let yourself be amused and perhaps even surprised at how you define yourself.

Passion: curiosity’s best friend

I define passion as strong feelings or energy directed towards someone or something. There is a common misconception about passion, that it must be dramatic and over-the-top for it to count. This is bullshit. Passion can be as subtle as watching a spider spin a web at your cubicle at work or noticing the color of the tomato plants on your apartment balcony. We are all passionate beings. You may not think you are, but, dear reader, get over yourself. You may not yet be aware of your passion or expressing it (yet), but it’s there.

Often I hear my clients say, “Oh, I wish I felt passionate about something…my life is just so boring.” Even a statement like: “I just HATE my life! Everything sucks!” is hardly passion-less. There is passion there: thwarted passion. Thwarted passion kills: a little bit at a time, we die. Don’t let this happen to you. Instead, look for little things that bring you joy, that make your heart beat just a little faster. Look at the people in your life in whose presence you feel most alive. Look at the animals and plants in your life whose presence you delight in. These are all sources of passion. Your passions will be uniquely your own…no one may understand why you love gardening and circuit parties. This is your passion and it only needs to fulfill you. If you can share it with friends or partners, great. But so much of our inner passions aren’t easily shared. They’re our own little happy secrets.

Discover your own passions

Here’s a little exercise to get in touch with some of your passions. Sit in a nice relaxing spot, turn off the cell phone, get a piece of paper and pen and then ask yourself these questions:

 What do I care about?

 What do I find interesting?

 What would I like to know more about?

 What have I long wanted to do/try/learn?

These are not easy questions, but they will stimulate the right side of your brain…the creative, inspiring side. Take your time and think about them. You may want to answer them now and put them aside, then look at them tomorrow and add to your answers. Let yourself free associate…there are no wrong answers! Let these questions help you identify your passions, those parts of your life that you are curious about and want to explore more. When you follow your curiosity, your life gets more vivid and energized. Curiosity leads to passion: curiosity is the process of investigation and passion is the experience that comes from acting on what you discover. If your life feels a bit dull and boring, try the above exercises and have fun playing with your curiosity and identifying some of your passions. Above all: enjoy the process.

Addictions are most commonly associated with drug and alcohol addiction. The truth is millions of people suffer from all kinds of addictions. Common addictions are to alcohol, controlled substances and prescription medicines. Additions you might not think are addictions are related to compulsive behaviors like gambling, shopping, food, the internet.

An addiction of any type is readily recognized by the fact that “it is not a matter of choice.” Individuals who are addicts do not have the ability to “decide” to stop abusing, for example, alcohol or a certain drug, or even the behaviors of gambling or shopping. Addictions affect the user, their family and friends.

What is an addiction? How does an addiction begin? When does the pattern of behavior become an addiction? Some individuals may be able to use a substance or engage in a behavior periodically over a period of years without becoming “addicted.” Other individuals are not capable of stopping and do become addicted.

Are addictions only in certain social, educational or ethnic groups? Absolutely not! There is no such thing as a typical addict.

The causes of addiction have been studied for several years. Addiction is caused by the emotion the substance or behavior brings about in the user. The body and mind become dependent on that feeling and seeks to maintain it.

There are addiction risk factors that make some people more likely than others to become addicts. Studies show that sometimes addictions can be hereditary. The child of an alcoholic may not grow up to be an alcoholic; however, they may become addicted to gambling or some other type of compulsive behavior as an adult.

Besides hereditary, individuals who grow up in families with abuse, neglect and who are impoverished are more likely to become addicts.

For most addicts, it can be extremely difficult to recognize that what they have associated as simply a habit is actually an addiction. While every individual is different there are some symptoms that are prevalent among most addicts and addictions:

Symptom # 1

Unable to meet responsibilities at home, school or office.

Symptom # 2

Continues to use substances or engage in behavior even when it is dangerous.

Symptom # 3

The need increases to engage in behavior or use more of a substance to achieve the same effect or feeling.

Symptom # 4

Has tried but failed to stop using the substance or end the behavior.

Symptom # 5

Continues to engage in the behavior or use the substances even when they are aware of the dangers.

Answering yes to three or more of the above symptoms during a 12 month period may show that you or a loved one has an addiction. The first step to treating an addiction is recognizing that it exists.

There is no cure for an addiction. Treatment and counseling can help an addict to learn how to control their behavior, withstand impulses and recognize the presence of a problem, but an addict is never cured. Treating an addiction can take years and requires ongoing support from friends, families and support groups.

A 12 step program can be particularly beneficial in treating an addiction. One of the most well known 12 step programs is AA, also known as Alcoholics Anonymous. There are similar programs for all types of addictions.

Living with an addiction requires a daily commitment and there is always the possibility of relapsing. An addict that has been “clean” for even 20 years can succumb to temptation just as they did decades before.

There are several treatment programs and centers that can help with the numerous types of addictions that are prevalent today. Many of them are anonymous. Support groups are also available to help family and friends who experience the effects of an addiction in a loved one.

The information contained in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended to medically diagnose, treat or cure any disease. Always consult a health care practitioner before beginning any health care program.

This article is FREE to publish with the resource box.

Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him if he didn’t stop blaming her all the time. He admitted to frequently blaming her in a variety of situations. He blamed her if he thought she made a mistake, if he thought she was wrong about something, if he was feeling alone, or even if he had a bad day at work. He blamed her for asking him questions when he didn’t know the answer. He would sometimes even blame her if his golf game was off. He always blamed her when he felt judged by her, or when he didn’t get her approval. While he freely admitted that he blamed her, he couldn’t seem to stop, and he had no idea why he blamed her.

As I explored various situations with Allen, it became apparent that he was not just blaming his wife. Allen was constantly blaming and judging himself. He would verbally beat himself up for mistakes, telling himself things like, “I’m such a jerk,” and would often say very negative things to himself, such as, “Things will never get any better,” or “I’m just a loser,” or “I’m a big disappointment to myself.” He would then feel angry and agitated as a result of abusing himself, but he never connected his anger with his self-judgment. Instead, he would dump his anger on his wife, or yell at other drivers on the freeway.

It became apparent to Allen that he would not be able to stop blaming his wife until he stopped blaming and judging himself. His addiction to blaming others was a direct result of his self-abuse.

The problem was that Allen had learned to be very self-indulgent regarding his thoughts. He let his thoughts run rampant, never stopping to discern whether or not what he was telling himself was the truth or was a lie. As a result, he was constantly allowing the wounded part of himself, his ego self, to be in charge. And this part of him was filled with all the lies he had learned in the 46 years of his life.

Allen was appalled when he realized that all his anger at others was really his anger at himself for abusing himself. He was projecting onto others what he was doing to himself. He saw that he was especially sensitive to others’ judgment because he was so judgmental of himself.

As we explored why Allen was so self-abusive, he realized that he believed that if he judged himself enough, he could have control over getting himself to do it “right.” He realized this wasn’t true by an experience he had playing tennis.

“I played last Wednesday and I was in a really good mood. I was just playing for the fun of it, rather than to play well, and I played my best game ever! The very next day I played worse than I have for a long time. I realized that, having done so well on Wednesday, I now wanted control over doing as well on Thursday. As soon as I tried to control it, I lost it.

I want to stop doing this, but I’ve been doing it my while life. How do I stop?”

Stopping any addiction is always a challenge. Changing our thought process is especially challenging. However, there is a process available, but it will work only when you really want to change. Changing from being self-abusive to self-loving has to become more important to you than continuing to try to control yourself through your self-judgments.

1. Pay attention to your feelings. Learn to be aware of when you are feeling angry, anxious, hurt, scared, guilty, shamed, depressed, and so on.

2. Make a conscious decision to learn about what you are telling yourself that is causing your pain, rather than ignoring it, turning to substance or process addictions, or continuing to abuse yourself.

3. Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself that is causing me to feel badly?” Once you are aware of what you are telling yourself, ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I’m telling myself is the truth, or is it just something I’ve made up?” Then ask yourself, “What am I trying to control by telling myself this?”

4. Once you are aware that you are telling yourself a lie that is causing you to feel badly, and why you are telling it to yourself, ask the highest, wisest part of yourself, or ask an inner teacher or a spiritual source of guidance, “What is the truth?” When you sincerely want to know the truth, it will easily come to you.

5. Change your thinking, now telling yourself the truth.

6. Notice how you feel. Lies will always make you feel badly, while the truth brings inner peace. Any time you are not in peace, go through this process to discover what lie you are telling yourself. Eventually, with enough practice, you will be in truth and peace more and more of the time.

Do you get hit with late fees because you forget to pay your bills on time? Do you constantly waste time searching for that cable bill you left somewhere in the house? Spend an hour organizing your personal bills and papers now, and this will save you time and frustration in the future. Plus, this helps make tax time easier because you already have everything in one place.

First of all, have a place where you sort your mail every day. Junk mail gets trashed or recycled right away. Magazines and catalogs should go in a rack to read later. Open your bills, make a note of the due date and immediately put them on your desk in a small file until you write the check. A small letter file that sits on your desk works well- no need to buy any fancy tickler file unless you think that will work better for you.

It’s best to start in January, but you can begin to set up your filing system at any time during the year. Use a filing cabinet or plastic storage box to store all your files. I prefer a plastic file box because at year end I can carry it to the basement to store with other old records.

If you have more than 10 bills a month, use a separate manila folder for each company you write a check to. I prefer to use the manila file jackets instead because they have closed sides that prevent small receipts from falling out and getting lost.

Create a folder for Miscellaneous for those people or companies you only pay once or twice each year, such as insurance or magazine subscriptions. You can also use this folder to keep those occasional letters you need to write during the year but don’t know where to file them.

Make a folder for bank statements and another one labeled “For income taxes.” As you pay a bill that can be deducted on your tax return (such as real property tax or medical bills), file it in this folder instead of your paid bills file. Name one folder “Investments” for any paperwork that comes regarding your 401(k) or IRA during the year.

If you pay less than 10 checks a month, you don’t need a separate folder for each company-you can manage with only one file folder for all of your bills for the whole year.

Keep all your paycheck or direct deposit stubs in an envelope or folder, newest one on top. I use a regular letter envelope for mine, and always keep them until I verify that my W-2 is correct when it arrives in January.

Pay your bills as you get paid- either weekly or bi-weekly. If you are paid monthly, chances are you will have to pay some of your bills during the month, so schedule time to pay bills every other week. Be sure to allow a week’s mailing time if you pay by check. If you pay online, this chore will be easier, and in most instances you can set up your payment in advance of the due date.

After you write the check or pay online, be sure to mark the bill “Paid” with the date and check number before you file it in the folder you have set up.

At the end of December, create new files so you can be ready for the next year.

By organizing your bills and setting up a filing system, you will wind up spending less time on this chore every week. And, next tax season all you will need to do is pull the file “For income taxes” to begin preparing your tax returns.

What are you looking for in your life? More peace, prosperity, someone to share your life with? What are you hungry for?

I don’t know about you, but one of the things I’ve learned on this journey of becoming more of who I am &ndash is that every person deep down inside &ndash really just wants to be happy, to be with their families, have their friends around them &ndash have successful meaningful relationships &ndash be healthy and live the life they are meant to live.

I don’t care what country you go to on this great big beautiful blue marble in space that we live upon &ndash most people are good. You can make the argument by saying “look &ndash look at the terrorists or the criminals in the world” &ndash but did you know that those people actually only represent a small percentage of the rest of the world’s population? Think about it. There are 6.5 billion people on this planet.

And of those 6.5 billion people, how many of them are really, really, really bad people?

The point is this &ndash there is far more goodness going on in the world right this minute than badness!

All is well. All is really well. There is a flow of well being that comes to each and every one of us &ndash we just need to learn to tap into it &ndash plug in so-to-speak.

Did you know that you have immediate access to that well-being regardless of what is occurring in your external world at any given moment?

That well-being is called Source, God, Universe, Allah, Shiva, or whatever name you choose to give it but Source is available to each and every one of us at any moment regardless of the constraints any religious dogma tries to put on it.

This is the true secret of living: understanding who you are and where you came from.

Religious dogmatists would try to tell you that you must turn around three times and tap your heels together or say 100 Hail Mary’s or get baptized in water or deny yourself those things you want to attain true spirituality!

Hogwash!

You are a divine child of the Universe with the Source of Creation inside of you! Inside &ndash not outside!

Christ once said to his followers (loosely translated) “there will come a time when people will not worship in temples made by hands.”

You are the temple not made by hands that He speaks of. In you is the Holy of Holies &ndash a special place where you can connect and meet the Source of all Creation.

Don’t believe me? Haven’t you felt those ecstatic moments of joy that seemingly have no reason for existing? You’re tapping into Source. What about the peace that passes all understanding that has come to you in the dead of night or in that moment you most desperately needed it?

When you make a conscious decision to develop a relationship with Source &ndash the most intimate on the face of this planet you will ever experience &ndash your life can become one of meaning and purpose.

Once you make that connection &ndash everything is at your fingertips in a moment.

Our true journey here is enjoying this temple not made by hands. To live our lives to the fullest potential of who we really are &ndash divine children of the universe &ndash and express that divinity in our own individual ways.

Just like there are no two leaves, no two grains of sand, and no two snowflakes alike, there is nothing on this planet that is like anything else in its uniqueness.

You are the gift Source has given you. So what are you doing with this gift of life right now?

Are you complaining?

Or are you thankful for the simple fact that you are breathing?

The gift of life on this planet is that we can interact with this most beautiful and delicious world and everything in it through our thoughts, our feelings and emotions, our bodies and through all of our senses.

You are here to live your life and enjoy it &ndash not constrain it &ndash not bind it all up in a set of rules and regulations that keep you from experiencing life!

Take your faith out of the temples made with hands and realize that it isn’t outside of you &ndash it’s inside &ndash right in the core of your being.

That faith is what powers you &ndash keeps you breathing &ndash keep it where it belongs &ndash in the inner temple squarely in your heart where its true home is.

And realize that faith is the substance of things hoped for the EVIDENCE of things not yet seen.

You are a child of the Most High &ndash a divine child of the Universe.

Claim your birthright today!

What do you dream about?

There are essentially two types of travelers in this world. There are those who are consumed by ‘ticking boxes’ and traveling to all the ‘major attractions’ just to say that they’ve been there and done that. Then there are those who truly travel for the experience of traveling and who soak up everything along the way. The real purpose of traveling is not to reach a destination, but to travel.

This is also true in the journey of life. So many people go through life reaching for destinations and they end up never ‘traveling’. Wherever your mind is, that is where you are. See, your whole life is actually lived within the confines of your mind. It is not what happens to you, but how you process it in your mind. Wherever you put your focus is where your attention will be. So often we fall into the trap of the ‘someday-somewhere’ mentality, where we think that ‘someday’ when we are somewhere else or with someone else or with something else we will be happy. ‘Then’ we will do x, y and z. We almost live in this ‘other place’ that we aspire to and we end up forgetting where we are right now - which is all we’ve really got anyway.

Life is lived in the ‘now’. Now is all you will ever really own. Although you can escape to some future place in your mind, a place that you think will make you happy, you only really want that to experience that in a moment of now anyway. It’s only when you are firmly rooted in the present moment and when all of you is here, that you can really experience something fully.

Being firmly rooted in the present does not negate having goals and aspiring to great things. In fact, it requires that. An awareness of where you’ve been and a vision for where you are going will color your experience of now. Set your course for where you want to go and then make sure that you are firmly rooted in the present. If you are driving your car and you are focused on something a mile ahead of you, you will miss both the hazards and the beauty that is right in front of you. Always remember that the purpose of traveling is not to reach a destination, but to travel &ndash it’s all about the experience.

The danger in always being focused on some future goal or accomplishment is that it distracts us from taking action right here, right now. Procrastination is a ‘future thing’. When your mind is at some place in the future, you tend to absorb all the potential problems that this (imaginary) future might hold. Since most of our fears are only imaginary we tend to start imagining potential problems and challenges that breeds procrastination. Remember that procrastination is designed to ‘protect’ you from unpleasant tasks and to keep you from taking action on those things that will be unpleasant. When you are rooted in the future you will continuously fabricate situations and circumstances that will encourage procrastination. When you are rooted in the present you will be empowered to take action because all you have to deal with is what’s in front of you.

There is immense power in ‘now’. When you are firmly rooted in where you are instead of where you want to be in some non-descript future, then you are mobilized. Procrastination immobilizes you and even if you know where you want to travel to, you will remain stranded in indecision and fear. You will be overwhelmed by everything that you think you still need to do to get you where you are not. If you are focused on the now, then all you have to do is what you can do right now with exactly where you are right now and with exactly what you’ve got right now. You don’t need to wait for anything to be different before you can take action. Your attention is focused on what you can do NOW. This is empowering.

It’s true that action will not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. Procrastination steals your future by stealing your present moments. Be in the present moment. It will free you from the fears and problems that will keep you locked up in procrastination and indecision. To overcome procrastination, look at what’s right in front of you and start there. Always ask yourself ‘what you can do right now’ - and do that! Never waste your present moments with what you ‘could have’ or ‘should have’ done and don’t be held captive by your future. Always be mindful of where your head is at, because that is where you are, and where you are is what will determine what you will or will not do.