My Essay Blog

What is stress?

Although we tend to think of stress as caused by external issues, issue in themselves are not stressful. It is the way in which we interpret and react to them that makes them stressful. People differ enormously in the type of events they interpret as stressful and the way in which they respond to such stress.

Stress is generally created when the demands made on a person start to exceed that person’s ability, or perceived ability to cope. Essentially a gap is created between what a person needs/wants to do, and what they feel they are able to do.

Many things or even the anticipation of them can lead to stress:

* Pressure to achieve/perform

* Problems at work

* Bullying

* Financial problems

* Arguments

* Family issues

* Divorce

* Bereavement

* Depression

* Unemployment

* Moving house

* Alcohol or drug abuse

Physical Symptoms of Stress may include:

* Tiredness

* Headaches

* Frequent colds

* Trouble sleeping

* Muscular aches/tension

* Nausea

* Sweating, feeling hot and bothered

Emotional and Mental Symptoms of Stress may include:

* Anger

* Anxiety

* Depression

* Irrational fears

* Mood swings

* Irritability

* Frustration

* Poor concentration

* Confusion

* Loss of sense of humour

* Negative thoughts

* Feeling of overwhelmed

* Feeling out of control

* Loss of motivation

Tackling stress

There are many strategies that can help you deal with stress:

* Realise that it is ok to be stressed and cut yourself some slack

* Try to understand what stresses you and why

* Avoid obvious stressful confrontations/situations

* Learn to be more assertive

* Take regular exercise

* Reduce alcohol

* Eat a balanced healthy diet

* Recognise your limits and learn to say no

* Organise your time better

* Keep your work/home space organised and tidy

* Talk to friends or family

* Listen to relaxing music, or read

* Take time out to relax

Alternatively you may benefit complementary therapies like aromatherapy, acupuncture and reflexology.

If your stress level is making it impossible for you to function as normal, it is perhaps worth seeing your GP as extreme or long-lasting stress can be very bad for your health, not to mention your relationships, so it is better to see a doctor sooner rather than later. Your GP can then advise you on the best course of action.

Know what’s holding you back

It’s great that you have decided to build your self-confidence. However, there are a few obstacles that can keep you from achieving your goal. Most of the time, these obstacles are so obvious that they do not seem like obstacles at all, and all you can see is that your resolve to be self-confident is not taking ou anywhere.

Therefore, it is important to become aware of these seemingly harmless obstacles that have all the power to stop you in your path. Let’s have a look at what could be the reasons that you are not moving ahead in top gear.

Are you undisciplined?

Some people simply have the talent to waste a lot of time without realizing it. They lack the self-discipline to stop their actions that waste time. Imagine a situation wherein you have a list of tasks to be completed successfully as a part of your confidence building program. However, the moment you enter your home you involuntarily grab the remote and start channel surfing on the idiot box.

It’s only after an hour that you realize that you have been vegetating in front of the t.V in the time you had scheduled to do other tasks. You realize that you have already disturbed your schedule. In a self-development program, it’s you and only you who has the power to change yourself. Nobody will come to monitor your actions and progress. You have to keep a watch on your inner graph and see to it that it goes up! Avoid temptations and stick to your schedule.

Are you lazy and keep procrastinating? Procrastination is one of the greatest and most silent killers of confidence.

It does not let you complete your jobs and tasks in time; things keep mounting and finally you get overwhelmed by all the many things that have piled up and need your attention. The very basics of building confidence start with listing little things that are doable. You gain more confidence to take on greater tasks and responsibilities by successfully completing the lighter tasks at hand.

However not being prompt and delaying

Important things till they become urgent makes you miss the opportunity of working on your confidence and puts you in danger of falling back again into your earlier cycle, thereby wasting all the effort and energy you had put in to becoming aware of your low confidence trap and getting out of it.

Does your old self keep pulling you back?

Assume. Assume. Assume is the technique here. Assume that you are a different person with habits you wanted to inculcate. Imagine the way you would like to be. Imagine a self-confident you taking things in your stride. Then try to bring into your daily actions the way you have imagined yourself to be. “I dream by painting. Then I paint my dream” was the technique what the great painter Vincent Van Gogh followed.

Your assumed self will make people.

React to you in a different way, according to your new self. This will establish your new self to the world and will help you keep up the new self before it becomes a habit - a second nature! If you behave indecisively and helplessly, you will invoke proportionate reactions from people around you, thereby reinforcing your previous self.

This throws you back again.

Remember that you cannot get ahead if you keep looking back. Realize this and stop sliding back.

Don’t copy self-confidence. Do not try to become like someone else.

One of the greatest mistakes that people make when trying to increase their low self-confidence is falling in love with an image of their icon who may be a sport star or a film star or any celebrity and then they try to be like them. This is one of the greatest mistakes that people can commit when trying in increase

their self-confidence.

You have to be yourself at all costs.

Getting inspired is wonderful but merely aping these guys won’t take you anywhere. There is no need for any two people in this universe to be exactly the same. The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else!

Create a vision of YOUR life, and take action everyday. That’s it.

Complimentary English lesson of the day! What is an oxymoron?

oxymoron- as defined at dictionary.com. Noun : conjoining contradictory terms (as in “deafening silence”)

Can silence be deafening??? Can time be managed???

I can’t think of a program that I have ever done that didn’t include the oxymoron “time management” as a common problem identified by the participants attending. Since most of my work is with sales people or sales managers I thought I might take a moment and address the issue of time management as it relates specifically to those functions. There are many strategies we can use to get control of the time we have, here are a couple of ideas that might help you.

First, let’s define the problem and identify that “time management” is really a symptom of the inability to manage and set priorities. No one yet (to my knowledge, call me if you know the secret!) has found a way to manage time. We cannot control the hands on the clock or when the sun rises and sets. We can only manage and control what we do with our time. So, the real issue is not managing time but managing what we do with the time we have, making sure that we spend it on the most important priorities.

Second, you must understand and be willing to accept the fact that there will never be a day when you get everything done (except of course the day you die!). Until you are willing to accept that reality that you will be constantly frustrated by your inability to get everything done. More important, however, is that thinking you can get everything done will cause you to make promises of delivery (goods, services, favors or other deliverables) that are unrealistic. Let’s make sure we are thinking correctly about the problem or we’re doomed to repeat it.

If you understand that you can’t get everything done, then you must decide what needs to get done and what can be put off (for later, or forever!). Everyday you need to make a list of what needs to get done and then take a minute and prioritize your list. For many sales people a good way to prioritize is getting into the habit of identifying and doing things that have the “highest likelihood of making you money or losing you money”. These tasks are often referred to as “money tasks”, and are often the most stressful tasks on the list (see post “clean out your locker”, 9/24). Particularly, if you are a commissioned based sales person, this will have a great impact on your earning potential and keep you focused on the right tasks. I’m confident that using the “money call” rule will make you more money, try it!

In the following months we’ll add some other priority management techniques that will help you get better control of your time. For now, set your priorities on doing the things that affect your “pocket book” and I’ll bet you’ll feel better about how you use your time!

HOPE can open your mind up to considering a wide range of possibilities. Consider how people feel when they have been given the diagnosis of something such as cancer. A friend of mine had this type of devastating news some years ago. She died a number of years later whilst in her early forties. For the purposes of this article, I will refer to her as Anne.

I remember how I felt when I first went to visit Anne at home after she had got the news. I felt sad, angry, disappointed, and anxious. I could not imagine how I would have managed to cope with what I saw as overwhelming and ultimately out of my CONTROL, had I been in her position.

I am aware that what I saw was only snapshots of how she was coping, and that family may have been presented at times with a very different picture .Anne put me at my ease. One of the first comments she made was that she saw this as an OPPORTUNITY for her to take a look at how she was living her life and make CHANGES.

Anne took PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for finding out as much as she could about her cancer and treatment options and implications of particular choices. She knew at that stage what would be acceptable to her and knew at what time she would resist fighting things further.-A very personal decision. She had thought about how her job fitted in with her PERSONAL VALUES and how it affected her stress levels and family life and had spoken with her husband about what changes could be made here and on what timescale. Methods of cooking, nutritional value of food, cooking styles and best types of pots to use. Anne said that she had been given a chance to do things differently and there was therefore a POSITIVE aspect to her diagnosis

She continued to have a PURPOSE. That was to live as long as possible, with as much quality as she could and to OPTIMISE the length of time she could be around for her children. She continued to have GOALS and therefore it was necessary to PLAN ahead to increase chances of ACHIEVEMENT.

HOPE motivated her to keep on living for as long as possible.Anne experienced an increased value from what she had in life and for what most of us take for granted on a daily basis. Small things became more significant to her. At the same time, she had down spells when small things caused distress which she would normally have been able to shrug off. She gained more from all of her close relationships and made the most of each day. Simple things gave her pleasure.

When she had “blown up” because of a course of steroids, it felt right for her not to see friends as she didn’t want to be seen like this. This was the correct decision at that time for her and she was strong enough to ASSERT herself and see it as her right to say “no, I don’t want to see anyone just now.” She was true to herself.

With HOPE comes a POSITIVE attitude.

OPTIMISM makes people more likely to SUCCEED.

OPTIMISM makes you feel that you are in CONTROL.

OPTIMISM boosts the IMMUNE system.

OPTIMISTS tend to be more structured.

OPTIMISTS stick to regimes, programmes more frequently so therefore act upon advice of eg doctors.

When things go wrong, OPTIMISTS are less likely to give up.

OPTIMISTS look for the lessons to be learnt from situations.

OPTIMISTS are more RESILIENT and PERSISTANT.

OPTIMISTS see CHALLENGES as opposed to problems.

OPTIMISTS surround themselves with other people, reduce personal stress and boost their immune systems.

OPTIMISTS put themselves in a better position to get good social support, encouragement and feedback. They are also more likely to become aware at an earlier stage if things are going wrong.

OPTIMISTIC people settle for REALISTIC OPTIONS and strive for what they want to achieve.

REMEMBER, OPTIMISTS need to not just feel OPTIMISTIC, but also take RESPONSIBILITY for applying this to their lives, in terms of THOUGHTS, ATTITUDES, and ACTION!

HUMOUR can help to diffuse situations. Anne used this strategy a lot to cope with her hair loss when on chemotherapy and when a psychologist at the hospital had been foolish enough to ask her if she was concerned about her sexuality and her relationship with her husband following major surgery. Her recounting of this still makes me laugh now! (Unfortunately it is not something I could consider putting down on paper.)

HUMOUR makes you LAUGH and helps to get things into perspective.

HUMOUR can be HEALING.

HUMOUR is more likely to get you SUPPORT from others than moaning.

Try LAUGHING and being anxious at the same time, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!

HUMOUR encourages people to want to be around you.

Try and look for the AMUSING aspects in situations.

MUSIC, LIGHT HEARTED reading, COMEDY can all help to raise your spirits.

LEARN to LET SOME THINGS GO!

What we want changes overnight; what makes us want it hasn’t changed in thousands of years, nor will it change in thousands more. The serious student of marketing can learn much from early analysts of motivation. Here is a bit of George French’s “The Art and Science of

Have you ever been to a function in a room full of strangers and found yourself lost for words?

The art of introducing yourself to others and creating small talk may come natural for some, but most people confess to feeling shy, embarrassed and don’t know where to start.

There are four levels of communication: Small talk, fact disclosure, share viewpoints and opinions and share personal opinions.

Small Talk

In new relationships or acquaintances the safest place to start is to talk about surface issues. For instance, make a comment about the weather, current events or the surroundings you are in.

This is called “small talk”, and is used to “size up” the other person to determine the comfort zone between the two of you. There is no need to disclose any personal information with the other person at this stage, as this initial interaction assists you to determine how “safe” they are on your first meeting.

If you are comfortable with each other at a surface level you can easily slip into the next level of communication: fact disclosure.

Fact Disclosure

Fact disclosure is slightly deeper than small talk in that you disclose facts about yourself without triggering topics of emotional interest.

The purpose of fact disclosure is to find out if you have something in common. You can use these common areas to build a friendship. You may want to talk about your career, occupation, hobbies, or where you live.

Avoid topics like marriage, divorce, politics, sex and religion in this second level of communication. If you find a topic of mutual interest you may want to progress to the next level of communication: sharing viewpoints and opinions.

Share Viewpoints and Opinions

Once you have established that the other person is “safe” through small talk, and have found areas of common interest, you can build rapport by sharing your opinions and viewpoints.

By sharing your viewpoints and opinions you allow yourself to become vulnerable to the scrutiny and objections of the other person. Enter this level of communication once you are comfortable that you both share positive feelings through the first two levels.

Be prepared to listen to the opinions of your new friend. This will enable your friendship to survive.

Make sure you don’t use your opinions as a form of “character assassination” of other people. You may be thought of as a negative person and this may cause your new friend to distance himself/herself from you.

The fourth level of communication is sharing personal feelings. Solid friendships over time usually enter this fourth level of communication.

Share Personal Feelings

After building upon trust, finding things in common and listening to the viewpoints and opinions of others, you may be able to share your personal feelings. This is when an acquaintance becomes a genuine friend.

Things of deep value to you can be shared without feeling threatened. You listen closely to each other without the need to “solve” your friend’s problem. You are happy to reflect their feelings back to them &ndash forming a bond of empathy and compassion between the two of you.

At this level of communication, it is important that you provide a little distance between yourself and your friend. If the distinction between yourself and your friend becomes unrecognizable, it is possible for your relationship to go sour. If you know how to handle your own feelings, attitudes and behaviors while maintaining your friendship at this level, you will build a successful friendship that can last a lifetime.

This article is FREE to publish with resource box.

I don’t know about you but I never understood this verse in the Bible. Doesn’t it seem a very unfair statement? Nobody could really give me a satisfactory explanation, which would change that view. That was until recently when I finally understood what I think is its “true meaning.”

“To have” or “not to have” as meant by this verse doesn’t necessarily mean tangible wealth or possessions as most people who heard this verse thought, although it has a bearing on whether you will keep tangible possessions or not.

Rather it refers to an “attitude” as most scriptures in the Bible do. The verse says, that those who have, will receive more but those who don’t have will lose even the little they have. Lets get a little practical here and see if I make any sense.

What this means is you may not have tangible possessions and yet you may have more than someone who has tangible wealth. Those who have, acknowledge that they have received and are therefore grateful. This feeling of gratitude is reflected in the way they live their lives.

People who have, often gives and helps others, which is a sign that they have, because in nature you can only share or leave over for others when you have enough. People who are like this will receive even more.

Everybody loves people who give, don’t you? We want to do things in return for them, including wanting to do business with them. Let me give you a practical example. The most successful Internet marketers have realized that in order to sell, they have to give something away. Those who give the most away are often the most successful.

If you are stingy and you want people to buy your products, but you are not prepared to give, then know that you won’t last long no matter how good your product is.

What is your attitude? Do you think you have or do you think you don’t have? Have you ever heard someone who proclaims that he can’t actually do something great?

Just look around you and you’ll find that more than 80% of those who have achieved something in life think that “they have” and that “they can”. Compare that with those people in life, who are really struggling, and you’ll find that they feel they don’t have and that they can’t.

“To have” also means to recognize that “you can,” which is only possible because you have received unique skills and talents.

What this verse merely says and which is confirmed by tangible reality is that your attitude determines your reality. The only way you can and will get and keep real wealth is when you change your attitude.

Those who do not have, as described by this verse are always complaining, about how difficult things are. Don’t you know people who are like that? They are stingy and are often critical of others. They believe they owe nobody nothing and doesn’t do anything unless they get something in return.

The difference between those who have and those who don’t have is this. Poor people want to receive tangible things such as wealth and possessions first, before they “recognize” that they have.

Unfortunately the Universe doesn’t work that way. You must first recognize what you have, including your talents, your health, good eyesight, hearing, good legs to walk with and use these, and only then will you receive the tangible things you seek such as wealth and happiness.

If you “don’t have”, it is perhaps because you don’t have the attitude of those who have. That’s why you constantly find that nothing seems to work for you. It is as if there’s a hole in your pocket. Even the little you make seems to just slip through these holes.

Famous American author Mark Twain once said, “To quit smoking is one of the easiest things in the world, I must have done it over a dozen times.” So many individuals who smoke struggle to quit time and time again. It is believed that the nicotine that is found in cigarettes is one of the most addictive drugs that exists today. Nicotine is addictive both physically and psychologically. A study once estimated that each time an individual lights up a cigarette that individual is shortening their life by seven minutes.

Live longer, feel better and become healthier by quitting smoking. Every smoker has the power to wake up one morning and say, “No, I am not going to do this anymore.” Make this that day. Stop the vicious cycle that is cigarettes. Numerous smokers, who have smoked for decades, admit that they want to quit. Quitting smoking is a lifestyle change, a new way of thinking and a chance to end a bad habit. Over twelve hundred men, women and children die each day from cigarettes. You may be asking yourself what is the best way to quit.

Hypnosis has helped thousands of people to quit smoking. Start down a healthier and happier path through the suggestive power of hypnosis. Hypnosis is a form of therapy that works at a subconscious level by giving suggestions directly to the subconscious mind. Positive suggestions that revolve around the benefits of quitting smoking will work at a subconscious level. These suggestions create new, habits, values and beliefs which will assist a client in making healthy decisions. Quit smoking successfully through hypnosis.

Some of the positive suggestions for quitting smoking include confidence building statements and motivational encouragement. Plus the soon-to-be nonsmoker will be given instructions on how to create a healthier lifestyle. This is a golden opportunity that allows an individual to experience a better life. An individual is set up for success through hypnotic visualizations that allow the individual to visualize themselves as a nonsmoker. The individual can literally “feel” how great it is to not be dragged down by cigarettes. Cigarettes are a crutch that disable a person from walking alone. Throw this unhealthy crutch away as you sprint towards a terrific lifestyle that is healthier and more enjoyable.

There are numerous additional benefits to using hypnosis in order to quit smoking. Hypnosis is known to calm the whole body, the nerves and the mind. Hypnosis alleviates an individual’s stress and anxiety. Hypnotic suggestions are designed to give a client confidence and support in each area of life. There are so many unexpected benefits to hypnosis. Quit smoking, feel better about yourself and embrace a new of living.

Hypnosis can enable a person to quit smoking for good. This is an amazing process that has life-saving results. As a practicing hypnotherapist, I have assisted many clients in quitting smoking for life. If you have tried to quit smoking in the past but have failed and sincerely wish to achieve your goals, I recommend you find a qualified hypnotherapist who is conveniently located near you. With the help of a hypnotherapist your goals to quit smoking can be accomplished.

None of us like to think of ourselves as victims. The term “victim” brings to mind a pathetic image of a person who is powerless. Therefore, It comes as a shock to most of us to realize how often we allow ourselves to be emotional victims. Having counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for 35 years, I know that many of us are victims much of the time without realizing it.

We are being victims anytime we give another person the power to define our worth. We are being victims anytime we make approval, sex, things, a substance, or an activity responsible for our feelings of happiness and lovability. We are being victims anytime we blame another for our feelings of fear, anger, hurt, aloneness, jealousy, disappointment, and so on. Whenever we choose to define ourselves externally, we are handing away power to others and we then feel controlled by their choices.

When we choose to define ourselves internally through our connection with our spiritual Guidance, we move into personal power and personal responsibility. The moment we sincerely want to learn about our own intrinsic worth and what behavior is in our highest good, and we ask Spirit, we will receive answers. Most people do not realize how easy it is to receive answers from a spiritual Source. The answers will pop into your mind in words or pictures, or you will experience the answers through your feelings, when your sincere desire is to learn.

We always have two choices: we can try to find our happiness, peace, safety, security, lovability and worth through people, things, activities, and substances; or we can feel joyful, peaceful, safe, secure, lovable and worthy through connection with a spiritual Source of love and compassion - taking loving care of ourselves and loving others.

Whenever we choose to find our happiness and safety through others, then we have to try to control them to give us what we want. Then, when they don’t come through for us in the way we hoped they would, we feel victimized by their choices.

Here is an example: Don and Joyce are in a continual power struggle over how to handle their children. Joyce tends to be authoritarian while Don is fairly permissive. When Joyce gets frustrated with Don’s parenting, she generally yells at him about his permissiveness. Don often listens to Joyce rant and rave at him. Sometimes she goes on for over an hour and he just listens. Then, when he tries to talk with her, she refuses to listen. Don then feels victimized, complaining about how Joyce yells at him and refuses to listen to him.

When I asked Don in a counseling session with him why he sits and listens to Joyce, he stated that he hoped if he listened to her she would listen to him. I asked if she ever does listen during these conflicts, and he answered “No.”

“Why do you need her to listen to you?”

“I want to explain to her why I did what I did with the children.”

“Why do you need to explain it to her?”

“So she won’t be mad at me.”

Don allows himself to be yelled at by Joyce as his way of trying to control Joyce, hoping to get her to approve of him. Then he tried to explain to further control how she feels about him. When she won’t listen, he feels victimized by her yelling, blaming her for being such an angry, controlling person.

If Don were willing to take responsibility for approving of himself through his connection with his Higher Power, he would not listen to Joyce when she was yelling at him. Instead, he would set a limit against being yelled at, stating that he would listen to her only when she spoke to him with respect and only when she was open to learning with him. But as long as she has to approve of him for him to feel secure or worthy, he will not set this limit. Until Don opens to his spiritual Guidance for his security and worth, instead of handing this job to Joyce, he will be a victim of her unloving behavior.

Taking responsibility for our own feelings of worth and lovability through developing our spiritual connection, instead of giving that job to others, moves us out of being victims and into personal power.

Emotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes close to the experience of sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or creativity. The experience of intimacy fills our souls and takes away our loneliness.

Why, then, would someone be afraid of intimacy?

It is not actually the intimacy itself that people fear. If people could be guaranteed that intimacy would continue to be a positive experience, they would have no fear of it. What they fear is the possibility of getting hurt as a result of being intimate with another.

Many people have two major fears that may cause them to avoid intimacy: the fear of rejection &ndash of losing the other person, and the fear of engulfment - of being invaded, of being controlled and losing oneself.

Because we have all learned to react to conflict with various controlling behaviors &ndash from anger and blame to compliance, withdrawal, and resistance - every relationship presents us with these issues of rejection and engulfment. If one person gets angry, the other may feel rejected or controlled and get angry back, give themselves up, withdraw or resist. If one person shuts down, the other may feel rejected and become judgmental, which may trigger the other’s fears of engulfment, and so on. These protective circles exist in one form or another in every relationship. When the fears of rejection and engulfment become too great, a person may decide that it is just painful to be in a relationship and they avoid intimacy altogether.

Yet avoiding relationships leads to loneliness and lack of emotional and spiritual growth. Relationships offer us the most powerful arena for personal growth, if we accept this challenge. So what moves us beyond the fear of intimacy?

The fear exists, not because of the experience itself, but because a person doesn’t know how to handle the situations of being rejected or controlled. The secret of moving beyond the fear of intimacy lies in developing a powerful loving adult part of us that learns how to not take rejection personally, and learns to set appropriate limits against engulfment.

When we learn how to take personal responsibility for defining our own worth instead of making others’ love and approval responsible for our feelings of worth, we will no longer take rejection personally. This does not mean that we will like rejection &ndash it means we will no longer be afraid of it and have a need to avoid it.

When we learn how to speak up for ourselves and not allow others to invade, smother, dominate and control us, we will no longer fear losing ourselves in a relationship. Many people, terrified of losing the other person, will give themselves up in the hope of controlling how the other person feels about them. They believe that if they comply with another’s demands, the other will love them. Yet losing oneself is terrifying, so many people stay out of relationships due to this fear. If they were to learn to define their own worth and stand up for themselves, the fear would disappear.

The Inner Bonding process we teach is a process designed to create a powerful inner adult self capable of not taking rejection personally and of setting limits against loss of self. Anyone can learn this six-step process and, with practice, heal fears of intimacy. Through practicing the Inner Bonding process, you learn to value and cherish who you really are and take full responsibility for your own feelings of worth, lovability, safety, security, pain and joy. When you deeply value yourself, you do not take rejection personally and become non-reactive to rejection. When you value yourself, you will not give yourself up to try to control another’s feelings about you. When you value yourself, you are willing to lose another rather than lose yourself.

You can start to learn the powerful Inner Bonding process now by downloading our Free Inner Bonding Course. Moving beyond your fears of intimacy will open you to the deep personal and spiritual growth that relationships can provide and the profound fulfillment and joy that loving relationships can offer.