My Essay Blog

Every dreamer has asked questions about why we dream, and what those dreams mean. While every dream is unique to the person who dreams it, the world of dream interpretation is a rich, fascinating and exciting one. We have included here some of the most commonly asked questions about dreams and their analysis.

What is the significance of dreams?

Yes. Dreams to have significance in the real world. Dreams are told in a symbolic language, and the images in dreams tend to contain hidden meanings and hidden messages. When analyzing and interpreting dreams, it is important to understand that the stories told in dreams are symbolic and not meant to be taken literally. The significance of dreams for each dreamer is a personal matter related to each person’s experience and emotions.

Why do recurring dreams happen?

Recurring dreams are among the most common types of dreams. Most often, recurring dreams indicate that the dreamer has some issue that is not being confronted in his or her waking life. Examining these recurring dreams, and understanding what triggers them, can often allow the dreamer to resolve the underlying issue and banish the recurring dream.

Do most people dream in color?

Most people do dream in color, but many may not notice the colors in the dream world. Since color is such a natural part of our normal day to day experience, color may be overlooked in the dream world. In addition, because dreams fade so quickly, the sense of color may be the first thing to leave the conscious mind.

Do animals dream as well?

All mammals studied have exhibited the same brain activity that humans exhibit during dream sleep. Many scientists see this as proof that animals do in fact dream, although what they dream about is likely to remain a mystery.

How are dreams affected by our daily lives?

Any feelings or thoughts repressed during the day are likely to make an appearance in your dreams during the night. For example, if you wanted to show your anger to someone but were unable to do so, you may express anger to that person or a similar figure in a dream. In addition, those who have experienced traumatic events are often troubled by nightmares in which they relive that trauma.

Do men and women dream differently?

Men and women both experience the same brain wave activity during dream sleep. The content of the dreams of men and women do differ, however. Studies of dream content have shown that men tend to dream more about other men than about women, while women tend to dream about men and women equally.

Why do I remember only bad dreams and never good ones?

One reason is that the most vivid dreams tend to be those that are remembered, and nightmares are generally more vivid than good dreams. In addition, sleepers are often awakened by a particularly vivid nightmare, and waking during dream sleep means that the dream will most likely be remembered in its minutest details.

What does it mean to dream about dreaming?

Experiencing a dream within a dream may be a way to deal with items from the subconscious mind. A dream within a dream may prevent the dreamer from waking up prematurely, and they often are reflections of a critical issue that the dreamer needs to confront and gain control of.

Will I really die if I hit the ground during a falling dream?

The many people who have described hitting the ground during a dream about falling are proof positive that hitting the ground in a dream is not a terminal experience. It is true, however, that dreams of falling often wake the dreamer, and that is probably where that old legend got its start.

Most people at some stage of their lives will become the victim of bullying. People may think that this only occurs at school, however a lot of bullying also occurs in the workplace and even by your local neighbours. This article describes how I have learnt to deal with these nasty people, by playing what I call the nutter card.

At school I was an obvious target for a bully. I had a speech impediment known as a stutter or a stammer. I was always struggling with my weight and was larger than most of my other classmates and I was the shortest male in the class.

The bullies saw me as easy prey and I was. I was not sure how to handle these people and they made my time in high school quite depressing. I did not tell anybody of the abuse I was receiving and could not wait to leave at the age of sixteen. I have to admit that at this time in my life, I was quite weak and a bit of a wimp.

I believed that in the workplace this would not continue to be a problem as I would be working with adults. How wrong could I have been?

I was employed in an office environment and one of my duties was to answer the phone and to also make outgoing calls. Having a stuttering problem made this task very difficult for me. I would often travel to work feeling physically sick.

There was one main bully who made my life hell, his name was Gary. Gary was one of the most popular people in the office, he was a bit of a rebel and the ladies loved him. He was a big, strong man who loved to play rugby at the weekends. He would often come to work on a Monday morning bragging about how many pints he had downed on his Saturday night out, and about how many women he had slept with. I thought it was all rubbish and that he had probably stayed in with his mom watching the television. Other people worshipped him like some sort of God.

Gary constantly took the mickey out of myself and would mimmick my stutter at regular intervals. I tried to not let it bother me, but it did. I let this continue for nearly year and by now I was feeling very depressed and was ready to quit.

I then read a book about the subject of bullying and it wrote about something which they called, playing the nutter card. Basically at for example work, you can be who you want to be. Nutters come in all shapes and sizes and if you threaten the bully in a strong enough and convincing manner, they will normally back off, as most bullies are cowards.

I decided to be brave and give it a go. I could not physically hurt Gary as he is twice the size of me and twice as powerful. He does not know the people in my circle of friends though, I needed to convince him that they could.

On the day when I actually went for it, it had not been planned. I never really believed that I would do it, even though I wanted to. On this particular day however, the abuse was constant and very upsetting. I was really mad and clocked out of work and went to wait by Gary’s car, but hidden behind a tree.

Gary eventually approached his car and went to unlock the door, as he did I jumped on his back but quickly fell off. He turned round with a shocked look on his face, however was happy when he saw that it was me. I started swearing at him and told him that I had had enough. I informed him that a number of my friends are a bit tapped in the head, but that they would do anything to help me. If I told them the abuse he was giving me, they would not be best pleased and would basically beat him to a pulp. I warned him that if he ever took the mickey out of me, that I would tell them and that he would then have to wait for his punishment to take place. I then ran off shaking.

The next day I went to work in a nervous state, I am happy to report he fell for the bait and was as good as gold after that.

In conclusion, do not let people bully you. Do whatever you have to, to gain the power back and to live life free of these horrible people. Good luck.

If you are like me, you’ve often wished there were 48 hours in a day instead of just 24. There never seems to be enough time to get everything done that you want. Since we just have about 16 hours a day not counting sleep time, it’s important how we use the time we have.

On the average, people waste about 2 hours a day. This is mainly from poor planning. If a person is unorganized, they waste time trying to find things, they miss appointments, they only do one thing at a time when they could be doing two.

Good time management is a major building block to success. Oftentimes, it’s not how much time we spend working but how efficiently we do the work. The key to successful time management is careful planning and setting priorities.Plan your day, your week, and your month in advance. Know when things need to be done. A great way to “buy time” is to multi-task. Do more than one thing at a time. There are many things that do not require concentrated mental effort. These are more easily combined.

“Failing to plan is planning to fail,”

-unknown

Even though I am a big pro football fan, I can’t justify sitting down and spending three hours watching a game. I have to be doing other things while I do it. Thank goodness for instant replay! I’ve found this is a good time to spend icing injuries or some other busy work. I can also record the games and watch them while exercising. I exercise about 30 minutes a day so during the football season I can watch a game during the week without wasting any time doing it.

When you run errands try to do as many as you can on one trip. If you are self-employed, you can combine personal errands that are on the way to a business errand and have the mileage written off as a business expense.

I’ve been fortunate to have been able to work at home for the past ten years. It’s been great because I hate to waste time commuting. If you must commute, you can use the time to listen to audio self-improvement tapes, audio books or anything educational.

If you are a regular exerciser and belong to a gym, think about working out at home. If you lack the space and money for exercise equipment, try traditional body weight exercises. A little research on the Internet can show you websites devoted to this subject. Even though I lifted weights for 20 years, I’ve converted to body weight exercises. I’ve found they feel better and get the same if not better results. Of course, if you go to the gym to socialize or network, that’s okay. You’re doing more than one thing at a time. You can go walking with your wife. That way you’re getting exercise and husband / wife interaction at the same time.

Setting priorities enables you to get the most important things done. Keep you eye on the big picture. Don’t let low priority things bump off the higher priority tasks from your schedule. If you’ve only got so much time, it’s imperative you spend your time doing the things that bring you the most benefit.

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”

&ndash Goethe

Time is so precious. If you want to be successful in life you need to be spending more time being productive and doing things that are moving you forward. Spending hours a day watching TV, playing computer games, or surfing the Internet is not productive time usage. We all need downtime but you need to determine how much is really necessary. If you use your productive time efficiently then you will have more time to relax and do the fun things.

To grow and evolve, we need relationships for mirroring and feedback. Yet fear, negative assumptions and coping strategies can erode or destroy relationships. When we design relationships together with loving cooperation, they can be both enjoyed and utilized for conscious transformation.

This activity is designed to help you transform a current personal or professional relationship into a supportive experience, or imagine the best one for you. Write your responses in complete sentences. Be patient with the process, and yourself. This activity will be both the foundation of and guide for your relationship. Give it heart and soul from the beginning, and you will be richly rewarded many times over. An adventure awaits you. Have fun!

1) Determine your objective. You are doing this:

- Alone to manifest a completely new relationship

- Alone, to imagine the possibilities with an existing relationship

- Together, with someone with whom you are in relationship

2) Why do you want this relationship? What need does it satisfy? Why is this important to you?

3) Why do you think your partner wants a relationship with you?

4) How is this relationship different and unique from your other relationships?

5) Describe the kind of relationship you want. Describe what you actually do, and what you want each to give each other. Include why you think you fit each other’s needs, values, preferences and standards.

6) On a scale of 1-10 (10 being high), what level of truth and trust do you want through this relationship? Explain why. What is its current level? If there is a discrepancy between the two, explain. Describe and explain what you are ready to do to enjoy this level of trust.

7) What feeling do you want to project to others? What is lacking or inconsistent? What are you ready to do about it?

What limiting patterns do you want to release? How do you want to be supported to change? How can you support your partner to release her/his limiting patterns?

9) Describe your attitudes, beliefs and conflicting values that will interfere with the partnering you described. Evaluate these and determine how to replace them with honoring attitudes, beliefs and values.

10) Determine your confidence with open, nonjudgmental communication, especially in awkward and challenging circumstances. Describe the changes you are ready to make.

11) Recall and describe the fears, resistances and limiting patterns you experienced while completing this activity. List them in priority order and explain what you are ready to do about them.

12) What must you learn and what skills must you develop, to better serve your partner, especially through challenging times? What resources will you draw upon? List the steps you will take and include dates, when appropriate.

13) How have your ideas, perceptions or feelings about partnering developed or changed from doing this activity? What will you do as a result?

14) Reflect on the points especially important to you, and describe how you feel empowered.

Word of mouth is one of the most effective ways to grow your coaching business. It’s free, or at most costs very little, yet very few coaches use it to anywhere near it’s potential!

Consider this: if you got just one referral from each one of your clients, over the next 60 days you’d double your client base! What would that mean to your potential income and how many more people would you be helping in supportive and uplifting ways?

So, how do you maximize word of mouth? Here are 5 Steps you can take now…

1. Really appreciate your clients and let them know consistently you value them

This is the most important, yet overlooked element of creating endless referrals. Many businesses focus more on profits than on people. Focusing on profits alone can be detrimental to success and ‘Word of Mouth’ success comes from looking beyond just profit into how you can enrich your customer’s lives.

Action: At least once a month, take the time to communicate to each of your clients and show them you appreciate them. Send them something of value, something unexpected, a bonus report, a special piece of news you just found. Make it relevant to them and do it regularly.

2. Create an exceptional experience each time they deal with you or your company

If you can make doing business with you an exceptional experience, your clients will want to tell a lot of people. People want amazing experiences!

Here is an example: There is a Life Coach in Brisbane who has a special relationship with a city coffee shop. Once every 8 weeks he invites his clients to a ‘brains trust’ meeting and the coffee and cake is on the house. Every client that attends gets a card and a voucher from the coffee shop owner to say ‘Thank you for joining us today, we would love to see you again soon’. The voucher is a ‘buy one get one free’ coffee voucher. So they are encouraged to come back again. And because the coffee shop owner is exposing his business to potential new clients the coach pays just cost price on the coffee and cake his clients eat. Normally about 8 clients attend and the cost is around $30. Just a little extra touch can make dealing with your business that much more of an exceptional experience!

Action: What can you do now to add little things that make an exceptional experience? Perhaps you can use the above example or something similar. Remember, start creating exceptional experiences today.

3. Give your customers incentives for giving you referrals

If you’re being passive about referrals then you’re sitting on a gold-mine. Come up with ways of rewarding your clients for referring business to you. They could receive free gifts, such as a 30 minute back massage voucher for referring a friend or a free Style Cut from an award winning beauty salon. The businesses involved would welcome the opportunity to have new clients come their way and would be happy to give that first style cut or treatment for free if they understand the potential value of a new customer.

Action: Reward your clients for referring people to you. Come up with rewards that will be beneficial to your clients. If you worked with executive clients perhaps a free 30 minute health check at a trusted health centre would be valuable or a voucher to use at an upmarket clothing boutique.

4. Make it easy for clients to give you referrals

If you want to get lots of referrals, you must make it incredibly easy for your clients to tell their friends. Don’t expect them to go way out of the way to help you grow your business. Make it as simple as possible.

Action: Develop a ‘referral package’ that you give to your clients. Ask your clients to be an ambassador for your business as you wish to work with people similar to them. The package would include a letter explaining why referrals are important to you, and a series of referral cards that your client can give out to others. Present it professionally and it will hold more value, more worth.

5. Ask at the right time!

When is the best time to ask for referrals? Any time! If you have followed the steps listed above…you’ve let clients know they are appreciated, you’ve made dealing with you an exceptional experience, you give them an incentive to share your message with friends and you make it easy for them to do so…you can ask for referrals at any time.

Action: The key is to do something now. Draft up a letter or e-mail today and just send it off to your clients letting them know how much you value them, who much you have enjoyed working with them in the past and include something that is going to be helpful, useful for them to use, read or understand. Then over the next 4 to 6 weeks develop your ‘referral package’ and start to use it. Take yourself out of your comfort zone and take action….because if you don’t someone will and what will that mean to your business in the years to come.

I love the Fall, the crispness of the air, the beautiful colors in God’s creation, but I also realize with the Fall comes clean-up! I keep looking at the leaves in my yard and realize that if we don’t get them up soon they may just overtake the yard! How often do our lives become cluttered with unnecessary businesses, events or situations that drain us and at times overwhelm us. It doesn’t take long to feel cluttered and bogged down. Maybe it’s time for a little Fall cleaning. Let me ask you some simple questions. What can you let go of? What can you eliminate from your schedule? Anything? What can you discard from you life right now? What is important and what is not so important right now? How could your daily life run more efficiently? Are you trying to do it all? Do you need to ask for help? What would make things easier for you?

Without evaluation and reflection, we just keep on keeping on with the same old thing and wonder why we are so tired and run down and overtaken by the demands of life. Let me throw out some suggestions that might be helpful. First, prioritize. What is important? What can simply wait until another day? The one thing that I frequently hear from women is there are not enough hours in a day. Reality is that everyone has the same amount of time in a day. If I am a stay at home mom, I can clean my entire house today or I can clean my bathroom and tackle another cleaning project on another day. If I clean just my bathroom, I have some time for myself or family that I might not have had. Either way the house gets cleaned. What’s more important?

Second, organize. Organization includes having a place for things, and it also includes having a schedule to live by. Nothing is worse than trying to find your car keys when you are in a panic to get out the door. Can you put your hands on important documents at a moment’s notice? Do you know where things are? What about a schedule? Many times the day spins by us and we don’t know what happened. All the things we intended to do didn’t get done.

Sally called for a spontaneous lunch. You drop everything to go and then get behind on some things you really needed to do. As a result, you stay up late to catch up with your work. It’s not that the social event wasn’t important. Does it fit in with what is priority for the day and does it fit in with your schedule? If house work is important, does it all have to be done today?

Third, eliminate. What can you eliminate from your life? What can you let go of? Are you too busy? Do you have time for your family? Do you have time for you? Are you on your schedule each week? What are you doing for yourself on a weekly basis that is life giving to you? I don’t believe we were put on this earth to be self-absorbed, “me first” people. Real joy and satisfaction comes in life when we give and serve others; however, I don’t believe God intends us to serve everyone else until we are depleted of all energy and joy. If you don’t take time for you, you will eventually get burned out. What could you do for yourself this week that is simply fun or relaxing for you? What gives you life?

Do you know? For every woman it is different. For some, it’s a long bath with candles. For others, it’s hanging out with girlfriends or pursuing a hobby. Whatever it is, are you pursuing it intentionally? Do you have you on your day-timer or schedule? As women, we are often great at care-taking, but not so good at taking care of ourselves. Everybody else comes first and we are last on the list. If you don’t become intentional about making time for you, then trust me you will get lost in the shuffle. After all, aren’t you as important as your family, friends, and those you minister to?

If you are not nurtured and strengthened, what good are you to anyone else? When you carve out some time for you, you become refreshed and life looks so much better! What can you eliminate from your schedule so you have time for you? Finally, what about your relationships? Do you have more negative relationships than positive? Are you weighed down with too many toxic relationships? How could you change this in your life? Are there relationships that you need to eliminate because they are destructive and unhealthy? Have you created an unhealthy dependence? How could you go about finding positive and uplifting people to begin to associate with? There is a time for ministry and a time for healthy friends that you can laugh and have a good time with. Even Jesus didn’t go around every waking hour ministering to and healing people.

Fall is a great time to do some deep cleaning. Will you take the time to do some soul searching about your life? What do you need to give priority to right now? What is really important to you in this season of life? How can you organize your life so that there is time for the things that are really important to you, yourself included? What and who can you eliminate from your life to give you more freedom to be you.

I think if you will take the time to remove the clutter from your life, your life will take on new color and vibrancy just like this beautiful Fall season.

Often society dictates our thoughts, our wardrobe, our style, even our weight. But, what happens if we’re not perfect in “their” eyes? In my mind, there’s two choices: 1) Spend endless hours chasing images of what we “should” be or 2) Spend time discovering the answer to the question: “what’s perfect for me?”

If you’ve ever found yourself struggling with your image of self as it pertains to your peers, consider this your freedom ticket. Here, I’ll outline several ways to enhance your personal beauty and self-worth. Further, it won’t cost you anything more than your time and focus. It may even liberate you and empower you to be free to be who you are and become more of who you want to be. Here’s three of my favorite ways to get you moving toward the “you” you desire to become.

Take Time To Discover Your “Self”:

In effort to find ourselves truly and authentically, we need to first do what my favorite spiritual guru, Dr. Wayne Dyer says: “leave the tribe.” This does not mean moving to a remote area of the country, nor does it mean ex-communicating yourself from friends and family. Simply, taking time to dream and imagine who you’d like to be authentically can create a foundation for true self-definition.

Dr. Dyer also tells us that the tribe need not know we’ve even left! He explains: You are the only one who needs to know you are working toward establishing yourself away and apart from the masses. Again, this does not mean selling off worldly belongings and moving to the woods. Perhaps it simply means turning off the tube for a week and spending down-time being quiet. Or expressing your creativity through the art of writing, drawing or doing something of your choice that you love to do. The list is endless. You will know when you’ve found your own piece of nature if the place or activity gives you peace and quiets the world around you.

Take Responsibility For Your Gifts

We have all been given gifts by the universe, but here’s the challenge: It is up to us to use them! We know that our gifts were given to us for a reason, to use, explore, enjoy and share with others. As my friend tells me: When we use our gifts, God smiles. It pleases God when we use our talents and when doing so we are blessed.

Listen closely to your intuition to find what gives you energy. Follow this path toward your gifts. I truly believe If we each learn to live more authentically, share our gifts with the world and focus on the positive - we will be shown more ways to express our talents and serve the greater good. In my mind, it cannot happen any other way. What we care about and place our attention on expands. Take some time to observe yourself closely: Do you have an ear for music, eye for art, literature? What’s your gift? Ask yourself are you taking absolute responsibility for it (them)?

Create a Personal Mission Statement:

If you are with me so far, you’ll be taking time out of your busy schedule to find and nurture the God given gifts bestowed upon you. In addition, once you’ve identified your talents or dreams, try one of my favorite siren songs to the universe: create a personal mission statement. This is a technique I like to use and my contribution to the notion of discovering yourself.

Pause for a moment and ask yourself what you’d like people to remember about you. What do you believe you are here to do? In other words: What do you stand for? As Martin Luther King tells us: “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” It need only be a short statement. Here’s mine: To inspire. It’s that simple. Identify your mission (or choose one) and put it in pen - you’ll be amazed at what develops. Each day I look carefully for ways to use my gifts in concert with my personal mission statement.

In Conclusion:

In Conversations With God, the author Neale Donald Walsch teaches us that life has no purpose save the one we give it. What’s your purpose? It’s a simple, yet thought provoking question. Give it some thought. If you need help sorting out your ideas, check out the classic: What Color Is Your Parachute? By Richard Nelson Bolles or my personal favorite: Finding Your Own North Star By Martha Beck. Most of all, be brave! Declare you mission, identify and take responsibility for your gifts. Let them expand and contribute them to the world. You’re positive energy will become contagious. And when evaluating your self-image remember: it all begins with you.

This article is about how to gain confidence and how to increase self-esteem. I am a person who used to be a very negative thinker, I would always believe that I would fail in whichever task I was attempting to do. I have to say that I did not really like myself and seemed to be constantly down and depressed. I have managed however, to turn my life around and will explain in the article how I managed to do this. I hope you find it enjoyable to read.

As I was growing up through childhood into adulthood I felt that I was rather unlucky. I had a speech impediment (a stutter/stammer), a bald patch on my head which was the size of a ten pence piece, I constantly struggled with my weight (I was basically fat) and I am quite short for a male at five foot four. I looked at other people in my community and especially my friends and felt very jealous of them. I would often think and ask myself why I had so many issues to deal with.

The problems in life which I had, especially the speech impediment seriously dented my confidence and I became a bit of a loner. I felt uncomfortable mixing in groups and always believed that people were laughing behind my back and talking about me.

I had an inner voice which I call my demons. They would be constantly talking to me, advising me to avoid situations and to avoid taking on tasks which they said were beyond me. They made me feel very stupid and worthless. I would listen to these demons and would basically do or not do as the case may be, whatever they told me to. I agreed with them, that I was not good enough or able to take on those certain tasks. I often wondered what life would be like if only I get these horrible gremlins out of my head.

I was not happy with where my life was heading or how it had been in the past. I wanted to be successful, confident and free from these demons.

At the age of twenty-two I decided to wage a war on these demons, a war I was determined to win. I started to read many books on self-confidence, thinking positive and mind over matter. Progress was not exactly quick and it took me many months to start to make any headway.

I needed to basically think more positive, be more assertive, and far more care-free. I learnt that in life all you can do is to try your best. Life is very short and can end at any point, therefore I need to make the most of it and live life to the full and not as a scared rabbit, which is what I had been doing. Stressing or worrying about a situation makes it harder not easier, therefore why do I do it.

These are all easy to say and write, however are extremely hard to implement. Implement I must, I thought. During my war, there were many battles with these horrible demons, some of which I certainly lost. I kept on talking to the demons telling them that they may have won the battle but that they will not win the war.

I did eventually win my war after quite a long period of time. I now like myself and am pleased to report that I have also overcome the speech impediment.

The main lesson that I learnt is to do the opposite of what the demons tell you to. They are the devil and they lie therefore we have to stop listening to them.

Contrary to a widely held belief that people do not change, I submit to you that people do change and often in dramatic, life-altering ways. I say this with full confidence as I have witnessed it happen time and time again. Creating positive change in your life is totally possible. You can change yourself and thereby your life.

When you are fully committed to making changes in your life, it will happen. That commitment, based on a deep desire for growth, is half the journey. Once you have made that choice, one made with total awareness and a honesty of your present reality, you are free to move forward towards a better or even new you.

The one constant in this universe is change. Everything that exists is in a state of change. Ask any quantum physicist. As part of the universe, we are part of that cycle of change. The experiences you have today will impact you in such a way that you will awaken tomorrow changed in some way. Once you have hit your forties or fifties, the kid you were in your twenties is pretty much gone and a wiser you is standing.

Change is desired on a number of levels. In business we might be looking to be a more effective leader or manager in order to increase productivity. That might entail changing how we deal with people by improving our motivation and communication skills. Change might mean a new career, lifestyle or relationship. It might mean building more confidence and self-esteem or learning how to be less aggressive.

Change involves inner work before the outer work can begin. That is always the case. As Albert Einstein said, “ The significant problems we face cannot be solved on the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” Steven Covey, in his critically acclaimed book, ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, stresses the concept of inner work before outer work or change:

“The inside-out approach to change means to start first with self; even more fundamental, to start with the most inside part of self - with your paradigms, your character and your motives.”

So, if change is to happen and if it is to last, we need to acknowledge that we must take a look at who we are now and who we want to be in the future. We will have to be honest with ourselves and recognize reality as it exists and not as we think it should or could be. We need to develop a high level of awareness and clarity about everything that we do as all too often, our subconscious tends to run the show and not us. Most importantly, we need to take full responsibility for our lives and not place the blame elsewhere. That also involves giving up the need to control things…except of course, yourself. Until you are willing to do this kind of work, change will not occur, at least not enduring change.

Where are you feeling dissatisfied? Where are you noticing dissonance in your life? Where are you feeling stuck? Identify the issues. Now, recognize exactly where you are and then consider where you would like to be in the future if everything were running smoothly? If for instance, your sales team is not performing up to budget and you are having a difficult time motivating them towards success, consider what a sales team that is highly motivated and successful would look like. Consider what your role would be in achieving that goal? Who would you be? How would you function? How would you feel? The gap between where you are now and where you want to be is where the work will be done.

In Life Coaching we find that your ability to succeed at your job is highly dependent on whether your values and passions are in alignment with your job and it’s requirements. After some serious inquiry, you might discover the things that are called for in motivating your sales team. Say it will consist of more patience, more enthusiasm, more nurturing and more of a team atmosphere. Are these the kind of things that hold value for you? If not, you will be unable to be effective.

Do the important inner work of discovering who you are now, what matters to you, what you are passionate about and what you place value on. Are these things showing up for you in your everyday life? If not, there is sure to be dissonance.

If being successful in your work is of great value to you then what are you willing to do and not to do in order to be a success? Are you willing to make the necessary changes in how you are being? Are you willing to try something different? Are the things you need to do aligned with your values and passions? What are you willing to say yes to and even more important, what are you willing to say no to?

Awareness, as mentioned is of utmost concern when effecting change. When we are living our lives in a state of true awareness wherein we are truly conscious of our actions, we can free ourselves from reactive, self-defeating behavior and realize our personal best. Unfortunately, although we may think that we make conscious decisions, in reality our unconscious mind often impacts our behavior and when it does our actions are not truly under our control. We can learn to recognize the unconscious, that part of our mind that has great power over much of our actions without us even being aware of its existence. In doing so, we can diminish its power over us.

As an example, try simply noticing that voice inside your head that gets very chatty whenever you are about to make a decision, especially an important one that could result in change. Is it telling you that you’re nuts to consider what you are thinking of doing? Does it say that you failed once before and will probably do so again? We fail to understand that the voice is out to sabotage us. Just by noticing it you will realize that this inner saboteur is at work. In the act of noticing you begin to empower yourself to make truly conscious decisions that will result in positive and lasting changes in your life.

I have mentioned how changing reactive, self-defeating behavior is key to realizing our personal best. What is reactive behavior versus proactive behavior? When you are reacting to life and it’s circumstances you are on the defensive. You are not in control. Life’s circumstances are dictating your behavior and actions versus your being proactive and in control of your actions. There is a good chance that you are being activated unconsciously as well. Example: Your boss gives you what you consider to be a harsh criticism of your latest report. Your adrenaline rushes and a wave of angry indignation rolls over you. In that emotional state, you are unable to actually hear what he or she has to say because you are already defending yourself. Your response to him is defensive and somewhat irrational.

You cannot control what he/she had to say but you can control how you handle yourself. Therein lies the key to non-reactive behavior: your ability to handle situations in ways that prove productive versus destructive. Stop and think. Pause. Get your heart rate back to the normal range. Without taking anything personally, was there anything in what he had to say that had merit? Is there some sort of deep learning to be had, either from him or you? Could the perceived harshness perhaps have been amplified by your defensiveness?

“ Being proactive means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.”

‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, Stephen Covey

Life will always be throwing things our way, much of it unpleasant and challenging. That’s life. We cannot control life but we can control how we handle it. If we are really aware and in tune with what is happening, we can learn not to add meaning to reality where there is no additional meaning needed. For example, in the above incident, you may have reacted because you assumed your boss thought you were in the wrong and therefore not up to snuff. But that was just what you thought he meant. What you think he meant and what he said are often two very different entities. Perhaps all he meant was that your work could have been better and he wanted to steer you in the right direction.

Often, adding meaning where there is none harkens back to childhood. Your Father

was always highly critical and you came to believe that this meant that you were a loser

and wouldn’t amount to anything. That is the type of meaning a child creates in response

to an unpleasant situation. What really happened is that you had a highly critical father. Period. The most unfortunate part is that this type of reaction to criticism will often be carried into adult hood and anytime criticism is leveled at you, you respond with your childhood reaction: I am a loser. The ability to control reactive behavior and see things for just what they are can make a world of difference in your life.

Finally, a word about perspective or attitude. How we view the world or any given situation will dictate our effectiveness and our state of mind. Change your attitude and you not only change the way you see things, you will change your reality. If you approach your work/life as being tough, that perspective will trickle down into everything you do. Try a new perspective on, one that will work in accordance with your goals and desires.

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

William James/US Pragmatist philosopher & psychologist

Inner work means that we are laying the foundation for a mindset that allows us to make lasting changes that will create a more meaningful, productive and happy life. Once the inner work is done, the outer changes will compound like bank interest. Your authenticity will shine and people will be drawn to this new you. You will view everything that happens as an opportunity for growth and grow and change you will. The work you do and its subsequent benefits will spread into all areas of your life, not just the ones that you may have originally pinpointed. The vision you held of the will become your reality now.

When a spouse is assigned an overseas assignment, the partner is faced with many obstacles that are often ignored. Unfortunately at this time not too many companies offer their support to the spouse.

According to research done by Val Boyko into ‘global solutions for international assignments’ at the Families in Global Transition conference in 2004, she found that the partner’s biggest challenges are that they feel:

* Unrecognized.

* Unsupported.

* Let down because of inaccurate or irrelevant information.

* Isolated.

Maybe you or a friend is experiencing life as an expat partner where you thought you would be able to work, but have found out that it was is a near impossibility; or that you have assumed that internet access would be easily available to maintain contact with friends and family only to discover that it takes months to get connected; or you are a newcomer without an expat community around you AND you can’t speak the language.

This happens all the time to expat spouses.

So what is the solution?

Tips for the expat spouse

1. Team Work:

Try and get everyone to work together to understand and accept your needs as a spouse. Speak to whoever is in charge of the expat assignment, build up a relationship with him or her before you move and become as informed as you can. Encourage them to give you honest and accurate expectations so that you can make the best choices for yourself and for your family.

2. Your role:

Find out about the issues that generally face expat spouses. Make yourself aware of the challenges you will meet. Take up the responsibility and to make it your business to know. Do not rely on others to provide you give you what you may need.

3. Support:

Make contact with existing expats in the country you are about to move to through groups, message boards, and online forums. Set up a relationship and support system for yourself even before you land at the airport. Begin to explore possibilities before you head out on your new adventure.

4. Education:

Educate yourself - there really is so much information on the web. Don’t assume that the experience will be similar to your impressions. It often is not! So be curious and pro-active. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Let others know what you need. People want to help and it could be your very lifesaver in a time of need.

And finally…you may want consider hiring your own coach to give a speedy start to your overseas success!

Quote of the week

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more successful.” Mark Victor Hansen.

Powerful question of the week

“What would you like to happen now, this week, next year .?”

Write it down, be specific and make an action plan to make it happen.

Expat lifecoach

As an Expat Life Coach, my purpose is to support expatriate assignees, their spouses and families in developing tools that will help make the expat experience work for them. If you are skeptical or curious about how the coaching process works, feel free to take up my offer of a COMPLIMENTARY coaching session. After the session, you can take whatever tools you developed to support yourself along your expat journey. Please email me to set up your FREE session.