My Essay Blog

Conversations can be revealing, can’t they?

The words we use, the way we use our bodies to show our passion and enthusiasm or the uncomfortable wriggling and writhing as we wrestle with what we yearn for - are all cues to our progress and how we feel we’re doing on our chosen path.

In the twenty years (combined) that Jo and I have coached for we seen people striving for tangible goals. For example, someone may say they want to make more money or become the kind of person that can hold down a relationship.

One of the revealing things I hear when people speak to me about their desires is that they often speak with ‘ownership.’ Sometimes they are quite literally saying ‘I want success to be mine’.

But is this really what they want?

In my view, people don’t want to own a successful relationship. They want success in relating to another human being.

I’ve also observed that people don’t really want to make more money for monies sake, they want to make money from work which has meaning and purpose and that they find worthwhile and fulfilling.

In my observations people don’t want ownership of money, relationships, spirituality, health or anything else. What they - and all of us - want is the feelings of abundance, love, connection and well-being.

When he talks about success in the Endorphin Effect, Dr. William Bloom puts it superbly when he says, ‘It needs to be inside the skin, not outside.

If you want to test this try today’s exercise, below.

Last week, author of the Power of Now, Echart Tolle’s wife, Kim Eng, was in Bristol. She spoke to an audience of around a hundred people. She said that desire is the beginning of suffering - the yearning for wanting something we see as being outside our self.

She went on to say how we are already whole and that when we desire something beyond our self we are subtracting from our self.

I think when you combine Kim’s words with today’s exercise you can really sense how we already have what we most desire inside us already.

Inside us is a factory for well-being, love, health, connection etc. The only real problem we may have is remembering this.

Today’s Exercise

1. Visualise something that you want. See, feel it, smell it.

2. Really get inside the feelings of having what you want. Fall in love with it.

3. Now, if you had a choose, would you want the thing you visualised, but without the feeling, or the feeling without the object.

You’ll find more on this in the Endorphin Effect by William Bloom.

With Love and good wishes

Neil

You are absentminded when your mind is absent; when you perform actions unconsciously, without thinking. There is a distinct difference between seeing and observing - we see with our eyes, but we observe with our minds. If your mind is “absent” when performing an action, there can be no observation; more important, there can be no original awareness. Absentmindedness is probably the most widespread of minor self-annoyances. Although it plagues most of us, it seems particularly to affect the elderly. The techniques we’ll discuss here have succeeded in eliminating absentmindedness for countless people, including the elderly.

To some people, absentmindedness may seem to be a trivial problem. Perhaps they don’t realize how much time, energy, and aggravation they spend on searching for items they “just put down for a moment,” or on worrying about whether they have turned off the oven, locked the door, unplugged the iron, or on retrieving items they have left in trains, buses, cars, offices, and friends’ homes.

The solution to the problem of absentmindedness is both simple and obvious: All you have to do is to be sure to think of what you’re doing during the moment in which you’re doing it, That’s all, but obviously it’s easier said than done. How can you be sure to force yourself to think of a minor action at the moment you’re doing it?

There’s only one way, and that is by using association. Since association forces Original Awareness - and since being Originally Aware is the same as having something register in your mind in the first place, at the moment it occurs - then forming an instant association must solve the problem of absentmindedness.

Let’s use a quick example: You’re writing at your desk and the phone rings. As you reach for the phone, you place the pencil behind your ear, or in your hair. The phone call is finished - that took only a few minutes - but now you waste time searching for the pencil that’s perched behind your ear. Would you like to avoid that aggravation? Well then, the next time the phone rings and you start to place the pencil behind your ear, make a fast mental picture in your mind. Actually “see” the pencil going into your ear - all the way.

The idea may make you shudder, but when you think of that pencil, you’ll know where it is. That silly association of seeing the pencil go into your ear forced you to think of two things in a fraction of a second: 1) the pencil, and 2) where you were putting it. Problem solved! Solved, that is, if you make an association each time you put down your pencil, wherever you put it. Just make it a habit. Keep the idea in mind the first few times, force yourself to form the associations, and after that it will become habitual.

Is there a change you want to make in your life but you’re stuck and stymied by it?

Perhaps you’re at that point in midlife where you long to find something entirely different to do with the rest of your life but you’re not taking action to discover what that might be. Maybe you already know what you want to do in the next chapter of your life but you’re not doing it. You might want to exercise more or eat healthier foods.

Whatever the change is, it’s one you’ve not (yet) been able to make.

Sometimes change comes easily and naturally; we explore, experiment, learn, improvise, adapt. Sometimes change is difficult; we try and try and try to change — and we fail. When that happens, we may blame and criticize ourselves or just give up or tell ourselves we don’t really care anyway. We begin to feel hopeless, helpless, and powerless.

It’s Not Just You

In his book, “Change or Die” Alan Deutschman cites studies showing that even when patients are faced with death if they don’t make changes (such as stop smoking, exercise, eat healthier) only ONE in TEN is able to make the necessary changes. That’s when the choice is change or die!

So, if you’ve been unsuccessful in making changes in your life, you’re not alone. No need to beat yourself up; you’re just being human! Numerous studies and our own personal experiences tell us that facts, fear, “shoulds” and “ought to’s” don’t help people change.

What does help? In his research, Deutschman uncovered a number of situations (with heart disease patients, career criminals, factory workers) where change seemed hopeless yet it happened. From this he identified three critical keys that will help you make important, positive changes in your life: relate, repeat, and reframe.

Three Critical Keys to Change

RELATE

“Build a new relationship that will inspire you and give you hope,” Deutschman recommends.

Find a person (or community) who believes you can and will change. They “sell” you on yourself so you believe that you have the ability to change. They persuade you they’ll be your partner in the change and that their methods will work for you.

Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 Step programs do this. They offer a community of people who believe you can change using their methods; they know it worked for them so it can work for you. This inspiration and hope has helped many, many people to change.

Depending on the kind of change you wish to make teachers, coaches, personal trainers, nutritionists, naturopaths, and many others all could play this role.

REPEAT

Deutschman says, “The new relationship helps you learn, practice, and master the new habits and skills you will need.”

Making a change requires new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. It can take a lot of repetition to master and integrate these new ways of being. Your person or community “trains” you, providing guidance, encouragement, and direction until your new behavior becomes automatic and natural.

REFRAME

“The new relationship helps you learn new ways of thinking about your situation and your life,” notes Deutschman.

Over time, as you continue to relate and repeat, you see the world in a different way, a way you couldn’t see before, a way that supports you in making the change a permanent one.

Experiences with the Three Keys

Have you had experiences that fit with these three keys? Times when relate, repeat, and reframe gave you new hope, new skills, and new thinking to make an important change in your life? And also times when you didn’t have these keys in place and the change didn’t happen?

I certainly have. As I’ve thought about this in the last few weeks, I’ve revisited numerous examples in my own life.

I’ve tried four or five times to learn to play the piano. I’ve never gotten close to the level of playing I wanted. I’ve criticized myself as lacking discipline and persistence.

But maybe I just haven’t found the right (for me) teacher and method of instruction that would give me the belief I could succeed, the encouragement and guidance as I learned new skills, and the new view of myself as a piano player.

Here’s an example of success I’ve had with the three keys. When I wanted to change how I was living my life, I chose Cathy Hawk to help me. She was my coach, mentor and teacher to learn to live “lights on.”

She completely believed I could make this change, inspiring me and giving me hope. She guided and encouraged me again and again along my bumpy path as I learned new, dramatically different skills for navigating my life. Eventually I had a new view of myself and my life that allows me to live with much more joy, ease, passion, and purpose.

It’s fun for me to see that these three keys also apply to my own work with clients. When the fit between us is right, I’m able to inspire them, give them hope, and help them believe they can create lives filled with pleasure, passion and purpose. I teach, guide, and mentor them as they practice new ways of living. They develop new ways of thinking about themselves and their lives. With these three keys to change in place, they are able to make the life changes they want to make.

In Your Life

Do you have a change you’d like to make and, so far, have had difficulty making? Here’s what I suggest.

1) Identify what you want to change, something you’d like to be or feel or do differently in your life.

Be very clear and specific about what you want. Of course, if it’s something you’re “lights on” about (a vision, dream, or desire that energizes and enlivens you), that’s a significant boost to the process of change.

2) Find a relationship that will inspire you and give you hope.

This relationship is the foundation upon which your successful change will be built so pay close attention to who you choose. You want an individual or a community with people, methods, approaches, and strategies that light you up, that you’re energized and enlivened by, that you’re drawn to.

3) Give yourself permission and the time to learn, practice, and master (with guidance, direction, support from your new relationship) the new skills that will enable you to make the change you want to make.

4) Allow your view of yourself, your situation, and your life to be changed as well.

Yes, some changes can be difficult to make and that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless. When you’re having difficulty making a change you’d like to make, try using the three crucial keys to change: relate, repeat, reframe. Your new hope, new skills, and new ways of thinking will allow you to make significant, important changes in your life.

Enjoy!

Ok…so you have seen The Secret. Now, it’s time to get rockin’ with the Law of Attraction.

So many times people get all jazzed up when they learn about the Law of Attraction - but implementing it gets tricky and that “jazz” fizzles out.

So let’s talk about the Law, and then I will give you the “how” on implementing it. Are you game?!

What do you think of when you hear the word “attract”? How would it feel to be able to ATTRACT what ever you would like INTO your life? It’s possible. You can come to depend on the Universal Law of Attraction, just has you have come to depend on the Physical Law of Gravity.

You may have heard the Law of Attraction referred to in different ways throughout your life, but it has no doubt shown up. Here’s a few ways we have talked about it…

1. What you sown you reap.

2. What you put out you get back.

3. Like attracts like

4. Law of supply and demand

5. What comes around goes around.

6. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7

7. Emerson called it the Law of Compensation

Catherine Ponder, author of the Dynamic Law of Prosperity defines the Law of Attraction like this: “What you radiate outward in your thoughts, feelings, mental pictures, and words you attract into your life.”

Abraham-Hicks, defines the Law of Attraction like this: “That which is like unto itself is drawn.” Yes, like attracts like. What does this mean for you? It means that when you are focused upon what you WANT to create in your life you will attract that….and when you are focused upon what you DON’T WANT to create in your life, you will attract that too. It means that you are indeed a magnet, and it means that you are a magnifying glass. What you focus on gets bigger…and comes to you quickly.

You may have had the experience in your life where you have wanted something very badly, and out of that passion, out of that pure desire, you were able to create it. There was no stopping you. You believed that it was to be, and you did not doubt that it was to come into your life. You said YES! to having that “something” come into your life.

You may also have had the experience in your life where you have wanted something very much, and have not been able to create it. Think about money for a moment… You want very badly to create the flow of money into your life, but you don’t. You say, I want more money…but I hate paying bills, I hate that others have it and I don’t, money is evil, or you just focus on the fact that you indeed can’t create it. You take action, you ask, you pray and it still does not show up. You focus on the fact that it’s not here, you focus on the lack of money in your life. What do you think you will create?

So, if like attracts like….and you focus on the negative aspects of anything, or focus on what you do not have - you will create more of what you do not have. If you focus on what is, you will create more of what is. If you focus (and sometimes we do very strongly) on what you DON’T want in your life, for example, I don’t want cancer…I don’t want poverty…I don’t want this or that or this or that….you are saying NO to it, and that as well will bring it into our lives. What we give our attention to comes into our life…it is the Law of Attraction. Whether you are saying yes or no to something does not matter - it is the focus that carries the vibration and causes us to attract unto us. Be careful what you say no to.

The key would be to focus on FEELING GOOD and focus on what you DO want! The key is to consciously be aware of your abundance mentality, and know that you attract what you radiate and vibrate into the world. Nothing is more important that feelings good! How you are feeling and where your attention is, is your point of attraction. Period.

You must remember that the universe is abundant - completely. There is no lack, only our perception of it. You must remember that there is always enough, and what you ask for is given to you. You must remember that you were meant to prosper… be wealthy on all levels of life. There is nothing that you can conceive of that you can not be, do, or have.

Most of the time we walk around creating by default…now it’s time to create using the Law of Attraction. You can be or do or have anything that you desire in this life. You must acknowledge yourself as the powerful creator that you are and choose thoughts and feelings that make you feel good, and that are in alignment with what you really want in your life.

High school student are one of the busiest people in the world. This people study, takes classes, join school activities, and socialize. They have a lot of work in school and at home.

Being organized is essential in high school students. If you are a high school student, it may seem like you never have enough time to finish all your work in a day. You may feel that you are always running out of time and all you do is study and never get enough time with your friends and family.

You often wish that there should be more time in one day to enable you to finish all your work with extra time to hang out with your family and friends and start again tomorrow.

However, everything you need to accomplish in one day is possible if you are organized and plan everything you do in a day.

Here are some tips for you to follow to make high school life easier and have extra time for you are your friends and family:

Set goals everyday &ndash Before you sleep, list down all the things you want to accomplish on the next day. This will help you to know what you are going to do and avoid doing unimportant tasks. With a “to do” list, you will get everything done more efficiently and faster.

Prioritize your list of goals &ndash After you made your “to do” list, try to prioritize the goals you want to achieve. Put your most important goal in life on top of your priority and your least important goals to down below on the list.

It is also important that you should be realistic on your list, try to base your list on what you need to achieve and not on what you want to achieve. If you have a long-term priority, it is probably best that you put it on the bottom of your list; you can always work on that tomorrow.

Use your spare time &ndash You may not notice it but you have lots of spare time as a high school student. Try to add up the minutes of the school bus ride to school and the school bus ride back home.

You can use these times to study and do your homework. By doing this, you will get an idea on what you need to do on your homework when you get home. This allows you to finish your homework faster and have extra time for other things.

Working student &ndash If you are a high school student and have a part time job, you can use your rest periods to do your homework or study. It is also ok to say no if your boss asks you to work on a school night and you have an important exam the next day. Tell him or her that you have to study for the exam.

Remember, work is not your number one priority as of now, it is only a part time job and the most important thing for a high school student is studying and passing the exams.

Finding the right time &ndash Students have the “right time” to study. Students have specific time to study more efficiently. For example, you solved your math problems well on afternoons; do not wait until nighttime to it, then. When your mood shifts immediately start solving math problems as much as you can before you lose interest.

Taking notes &ndash Writing down important notes is an effective way to study. It is much better than just plain reading. Writing down notes has an effect on your mind. You can understand the topic more effectively and memorize it more effectively than by just reading.

It is also important that you review your notes as your teacher might give a pop quiz on the next day. Reviewing your notes will help you be more prepared for the pop quizzes that your teacher may suddenly give.

Get enough sleep &ndash Trying to stress yourself out studying when you are supposed to be sleeping can bring ineffective results and unwelcome health problems.

If you need to sleep you have to sleep, do not force yourself to study if you cannot effectively study. If you try to study in this situation, you will most likely waste your time.

Keep your goals realistic &ndash Trying to accomplish unrealistic goals can often result in failure and frustration.

Set goals that is difficult but achievable. Setting realistic goals that is difficult and achieving it can give you self-worth and be proud on your achievements.

Positive thinking is an amazing tool, but without action it’s a waste of time. Rather than just having a momentary thought it’s more of a way of life. It’s a technique that you use to create positive affirmations that can counter negative thoughts and doubts by neutralizing them and building the self-confidence you need for whatever you want to achieve.

Thinking this way is a skill you can learn and develop with consistent practice, but it is worth it to create a habit of positive thinking?

In some circles positive thinking is sometimes cynically referred to as pollyannaish, a naive and overly optimistic view of life by overlooking the things we don’t like and focusing only on the good.

So how about you?

How do you view things, negatively or positively? It can be easy for all of us to focus only on the negative but it’s usually as easy to look for a positive angle to things as it is for a negative angle.

By looking on the positive side we can affect our subconscious mind as we invoke the law of attraction and we can then attract a better set of circumstances into our life. Remember concentrate on the positive and expect a positive result but did you know that it takes as much effort to think about the negative as it is for the positive.

In some ways positive thinking is infectious and can lead to a ‘can do’ attitude within an individual, a team and an organization. It’s been said that the only difference between a success and a failure is the attitude of mind the person had before they entered that task.

One cannot pay lip service to positive thinking. You need to practice and make positive thinking your prevailing attitude towards life. The very feel of positive thinking itself will help you to feel confident and move towards your goal.

In order to acquire the great status of positive thinker, we must realize what positive thinking is all about and what it is not. Our usual misconceptions about positive thinking are that money will drop out of the sky; GOD will come on a chariot to take away the sufferings and pains and lot more imaginations, while this would be great unfortunately it won’t happen but by staying positive you remain open to new directions and guidance rather than just shutting down and giving up.

Attitude forms an important part of positive thinking whereas thinking contributes lot to the attitude. It’s kind of like the chicken and egg, which came first? If you have a bad attitude you’ll never consider changing how you think but can positive thinking change your attitude.

How you answer this age-old question about positive thinking and attitude may reflect your outlook on life, your attitude toward yourself, and whether you’re optimistic or pessimistic.

A positive attitude and optimistic thinking are healthy. When you wholeheartedly adopt a ‘with all your heart’ attitude and go all out with the positive principle, you can do incredible things. Happy, optimistic people are usually described as having positive attitudes and expressing positive thoughts.

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success.

After Christopher Reeve’s accident in 1995, I was so deeply touched by his attitude. Of course he could have given up and cursed life for giving him a raw deal but he didn’t. But consider this if hadn’t have been so brave and positive do you really think he would have survived for so long as he did? And deep down we all admire him for having such a positive attitude and inspiring us all.

As I finish this article, no matter what happens to us, we can choose positive thoughts and choose a positive attitude. It may not be something that we were all born with but it’s a way of looking at the brighter side of life that helps us build the life we want.

You could sum it up in one word, and that one would be “Faith”.

In this article I write about how we can become content with life by learning to like ourselves and by appreciating what we have in life. There are far too many people who are comparing their lives to that of their friends and neighbours, and who then think that they are not good enough. This can make them become jealous and even depressed.

I have to admit that I was like the people I am describing above. I was not happy with the car I drove, or at the company where I worked, or at how much money I earned per year and even with the girlfriend I had. My friends seemed to drive much better cars, worked for much better employers, earned far more per year than I did and had much better looking girlfriends, sorry Claire!

I have since managed to change my attitude to life and am now very happy with what I have in life. I now look at the bigger picture and instead of concentrating my thoughts at people who I feel are better off than me, I watch the news from around the world and hear about people who are far less fortunate than I am. I certainly now feel that I am actually very lucky compared to most people who live on this planet.

I also did not really like myself, I wanted to be taller, stronger, a better communicator (I had a stutter), and a lot fitter than I was (I was quite fat). I have since accepted that there are various things that I can not change, such as my height and have therefore accepted that I am shorter than the average male. I have also thought about the positive aspects of being short, more leg room on a plane etc. Other aspects of my life at which I was not happy with, but felt I could change or improve, I have worked very hard on, and am now at a weight I am happy with and have overcome the stuttering speech impediment.

I now like myself and if other people choose not to, that is fine by me, I have enough people who do. In any case it is what I think that counts, therefore if they think I am an idiot, thats fine, because I believe I am not.

I now have an opinion that what car I drive or how much money I earn is not important. For me, health and happiness are the two most important things in life and these are things which money can not buy.

I have decided that stressing or worrying about a situation does not help me to succeed, it just makes things a whole lot worse and more difficult. I now think to myself, that all I can do in life is to try my best and if I do that I can be proud of myself.

I used to be very hard on myself, my own worst critic. I am now a lot easier on myself, I have realised that I will make mistakes and always try to learn from the experiences. My body and brain are temples and I need to be nice to them. Hopefully if I am they will reward me with my continued health.

I am now far happier than I have ever been and am determined not to slip back into my old ways of depression and negative thinking.

I hope this article helps you in your quest for a better life.

Creativity can be learned. You may think you are not a creative person and creativity is for people like those who sit and write books, songs or create movies, etc. You may think creativity is something that comes natural to some people and you are not in that group, or you just don’t need to be creative.

How can creativity help you in your job, regardless of what kind of job you are doing? Your job may seem very secure and snug right now. However, you need to realize that our economy is cyclic and is never the same, is always changing. Your job may be secure today, but will it be two years from now? There is a huge chance it will not be. Being creative in your job today may help you keep this same job two years from now when things change. Creativity can absolutely help you do a better job today, which will make you a more valuable employee for tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. If you are good at what you do, you can always be better, and the better person is most likely the one who will be kept around when things suddenly change and downsizing begins.

What exactly is creativity on the job? According to Michael Michalko, one of the world’s leading experts in the field of creativity, creative people are those who come up with more ideas in a shorter space of time. These people had good and bad ideas that were generated quickly. Out of the huge number of bad and good ideas will spring some that better solve a problem in new and exciting ways. If you become a person on your job able to generate a huge number of ideas, whether they are good or bad, that at least in that bunch are some that solves the problems of your employer, this quality alone can set you apart from another employee and make you more valuable to that employer. More ideas and better ideas is definitely an asset to any person in any job. Who does not have problems to solve at any kind of job they may be on? Being creative, coming up with more ideas and better ideas is something that can be learned. You may never write that best seller book or a number one hit song, but….be assured that you can learn to be creative enough to do a better job and make yourself a more valuable employee to your employer today and for tomorrow.

One reason people are not creative on their jobs is that with all the recent cutbacks in staff and downsizing trends of the last few decades people live from day to day fairly stressed out and unable to relax and think creatively. Another reason is people often they just can’t think creatively. Because of that mindset they continually miss opportunities that people on the look for creative ideas immediately pounce upon. So what can you do if you fall into one of these categories? Obviously you need to relax, ease your stress and learn to think creatively, so when the opportunity arises, you will be one of those ready to pounce and spit out all those good and bad ideas that among which will be solutions to your employers’ problems.

Assess what you can realistically do and cannot do. You don’t need to get an all or nothing mind-set or the opinion you need to be absolutely perfect or superman or superwoman. Maybe you just don’t have the time to become a creative thinker. In that case, you can hire someone to help give you a creative touch to your work, either to do it for you, or to look over your work and talk it over with you of how you could add some creativity. You need to find someone to bounce your ideas off who is innovative themselves, non-judgmental and enthusiastic. You will be amazed at how many ideas you will be able to come up with.

Another way you can start to learn to be creative is to take a few minutes of your time here and there throughout the day and notice things a little closer. When you watch television, pay special attention to the advertisements and see if you can visualize just how the advertising staff came up with the idea for that particular commercial. Have a childlike curiosity about the world around you and try to see the unusual connections of two things totally unrelated together that can solve a problem. If you practice this routinely you will start seeing associations between totally different things and you will start to become more creative and innovative naturally on a daily basis without doing too much thinking about it or messing up your schedule otherwise just to think creatively. You will begin to come up with more and more ideas that will suddenly stun those individuals you work with. Be aware that you need to learn how to generate thousands of ideas, both good and bad, and don’t be disappointed if most of those ideas produce failure or nothing. The good ideas, however, that produces the solution will most likely be in that batch as well.

One example of an incredible idea generator is Thomas Edison. I always heard that many, many people “laughed” at Thomas Edison and all his ideas and inventions. Thomas Edison had a remarkable number of invention failures. However, those inventions that did succeed solved some huge, huge problems for a lot of people. If you become a creative idea generator yourself just know that you might be quite comical to a lot of people around you until of course, you come up with the one idea that rocks the nation, or in your particular world and job.

Here are some fun games you can play to help you become more creative:

• While you get dressed look at the color of what you are putting on. As quickly as possible, think of as many alternative different names for that color. Keep thinking of new names until you finish dressing.

• Do you ever get caught in a traffic jam? The time wasted sitting in these traffic jams could be used to play a creative mind game. Look the car in front of you. Choose something about the car that catches your eye such as a bumper sticker or the actual color of the car. Say out loud ten thoughts that come to your mind as a result of that part of the car. Now think about a problem you have at work. As quickly as possible list as many ways that what you notice about the car part is similar to your problem at work. Now determine whether or not any of these items might help you solve your problem at work. If not, pick another part of the car and play the game again.

• Another game you play with yourself is when you run into a problem, think, what Leonardo would do in this situation.

• You can also use biblical scripture to creatively find answers to your problems. For every problem a human faces now there is some kind of an example in the many verses and scriptures of the bible that we can use to creatively apply to our problems of today and actually solve them. If you are a minister or a leader of a church congregation, one of your best sources of solving problems in your church and congregation will be from your Bible.

What do you think of Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Ted Turner, Tiger Woods and hundreds of others who have made it to the top, sometimes against all the odds?

You probably think they are smart, intelligent, great, masterful and I agree. I believe they probably are all those things you think of them and perhaps even more.

Now I want you to think of yourself. Do you think of yourself as having those same attributes or maybe more? Do you think you can do the things these icons have accomplished?

One of the laws of the universe is that everything must start somewhere, which usually means a small beginning. Take the biggest animals on land and in water, i.e. the elephant and the whale. They all start small and can even be killed by other animals.

Even a mighty river like the Amazon stared as a little stream, yet has become the roaring giant we know.

So, too every person who wants to become great must start small. Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates and anybody else you can think of started small, and that start was characterized by a decision. The decision to change, to do things differently. This decision was followed by a series of actions which eventually led to, and culminated in the attainment of the goal.

Quality isn’t necessarily popular or immediately evident.

At the time the decision is taken it may not seem the right decision for others. In fact, the greatest success stories of our time were started by unpopular decisions. When Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard during his junior year and started what is today Microsoft, he was criticized by many as unwise. Of course today everybody hails it as a “great” move.

Will Smith turned down a scholarship to MIT to concentrate on his music career instead, and became a millionaire at 18. Quincy Jones turned down a VP position and became a legend.

Sabeer Bhatia turned down many offers from Microsoft against the wishes of his colleagues. Of course they too later agreed that it was a smart move.

When taking a decision one should remember that it is your life, not anybody else’s. So whatever decision you take should be based on what you think is the best decision, not on what others want.

I know it is difficult when you look up from where you are right now to where these icons are. All you see is this big gap and you become discouraged. The key here is to set yourself short term goals that are within reach.

Here is a little exercise you can do. Imagine yourself at the bottom of a series of stairs, while your goal is located on the top landing.

See each step on these stairs as a short-term goal. The first landing will be a decision to change your life. The second landing could be to put in writing what you want to achieve.

The third step could represent the plan, how you are actually going to go about accomplishing this goal. The plan itself can then be divided in a series of further short-term goals.

This could involve talking to knowledgeable people on the subject you are interested in or it could be writing a business plan or it could be finding out about places that offer project finance.

These are just suggestions, to help you come up with ideas of your own.

Every time you feel discouraged or a little afraid, go and read about your icons or heroes. How they started out. How they felt, when they were still at the bottom, the things they said and did.

If possible try and trace a childhood friend of one of your heroes and talk to him.

I’m sure that after doing that you will realize that these are just ordinary men and women like you and me, whose desire to accomplish their goals became bigger then their fear.

Hotmail co-founder Sabeer Bhatia recalls that during negotiations with Microsoft to buy Hotmail, he was invited to meet Bill Gates. Apparently he was very nervous, because he thought of Bill Gates as a superhuman. But during the interview he realized that Bill Gates was just a normal guy.

Here’s Bhatia, in his own words on Bill Gates: “His questions were normal strategy questions, the same things I had been asked by investors all along and it suddenly occurred to me that Bill Gates is not superhuman either, he is flesh and blood, same as me”.

So as you can see, those who are great today were once ordinary people like you and me. The only difference is, that they didn’t allow their fear or other people’s opinions to determine their future. If you follow their example, you too will soon become great.

What do butterflies have in common with the human spirit? Meet Maggie, a middle aged wife and mother who was about to find out.

Maggie wasn’t rich like a millionaire or poor in a manner of being homeless. She was living an average comfortable life. It was made even better when a beautiful baby girl came her way. She and her husband made sure their daughter had her needs met and they were still able to take a yearly vacation by the beach.

Maggie was a partner in her husband’s business. They both had a different set of duties which kept everything in balance. One day a devastating blow came to her husband’s business, and over a three year period the business dropped out of site. Her husband had to totally reinvent himself and was yearning to fulfill a dream with a new vocation. She was happy for him and supported him fully, but still the money was not coming in.

Maggie began to feel guilty that she wasn’t contributing with any kind of income. It had been a long time since she had worked outside the home and had to work for someone else. Needless to say she was scared but still had faith that everything would be okay. She began job hunting and found filling out applications somewhat difficult, especially the part asking for job references. Keep in mind that she was self-employed with her husband for almost 20 years. It felt as though that didn’t count for anything as she was never called for an interview.

At the time she was job hunting her mom became more ill than she had been and ended up in the hospital for a week. Once Maggie’s mom returned home she became her mom’s helper one day a week. She did the shopping, changed sheets, vacuumed and did other things that her mother was not able to do anymore. Of course her mom would pay her for her time and labor but she still felt she needed to find another source of income.

One of the first applications she had filled out finally came through. She passed the interview with flying colors and was told she was “exactly” what they were looking for. Although it was only part time it was exactly what she wanted. It was important for her to be home when her daughter arrived home from school. She was told they would be in touch when the schedule was ready. Knowing she had the job made her feel contented and productive again.

Within a few weeks though, she received an e-mail saying that the company had changed the job into a full time position and she was not qualified. Maggie was devastated. She felt betrayed and felt she had been lied to. That evening she was alone as her husband and daughter had gone out for the night. She welcomed the aloneness and wanted to drown her sorrows in a hot tub of bubbles.

As she knew she would, she began to cry, softly at first just from the sheer pain of being rejected. Three long years of struggle had finally caught up with her. Then she became angry; angry at everything from the circumstances that got her there, to God himself. She cried harder and yelled, “What do you want me to do?” She really felt that God had abandoned her.

When she was able to cry no more, she became exhausted and gave up. It was at that moment that a silent idea came to her to offer other elderly people home care assistance.

Using another talent for computers she printed off some flyers and cards and distributed them to her church, grocery stores and even placed a small ad in the newspaper. Within a week she had procured two new clients.

Now, even though she’s not a CEO of a major company or a power player she feels happy and productive again. So, had God really abandoned her? Let’s look at nature for the lessons and the answer.

Before a butterfly can emerge out of it’s chrysalis it has to go through a lot of struggling. Yes, struggling. Each time it lunges out to escape, acids are being removed from its wings. If someone were to come along and break the chrysalis open for it then the butterfly would die from those acids. In essence the struggle is necessary for the butterfly to survive. Then in the stillness, when the struggle is over, the butterfly can come out and share its beauty with the world.

We as humans are not any different. There are times that we need to struggle, to rid ourselves of the acids that make up sadness, fear, and anger. It is only at this time when we are exhausted and still that we begin to hear the Universe whisper to us.