My Essay Blog

Be careful crossing the street. Chew your food throughly. Don’t do that, you could get hurt.

We are raised to avoid taking risks. How many times in life have you been told to not take risks by your friends and family? As well intentioned as they may be, if you decide to become a full-fledged member of your own destiny, you’d better do a little every now and then.

One of my friends from years gone by started out as a client of mine. He was, at first, a very small client, and really didn’t warrant me spending much time with him. His business wouldn’t make me or my employer much money, but he was a very dynamic guy. He had an idea to start a company where he would sell a service to individuals who wanted support on various software products. He used to tell me about his dream to grow his company from two guys to millions of dollars of revenue. I didn’t know much about the business, but I thought he was on to something. This guy risked EVERYTHING in his life to chase his dream. What kind of risk am I talking about? He had a nice secure middle-management job making a six-figure salary, luxury cars, nice home and a comfortable life. He decided to leave all of that to chase that dream.

What happened to him? I watched him go from scraping by to a multi-millionaire in just a few short years. But along the way he took calculated risks, not all were successful, and in the end he not only reached his goals, but far exceeded them.

He has always stuck with me. The risks I watched him take and the ups and downs I saw him go through served as inspiration to me and so when I think about what I need to do to make more of an impact, I think about how I can leave my ‘comfort zone’ and take a risk?

What kind of risks? Am I talking about flying out to Las Vegas and betting your savings? In short - NO!

Make sure you understand that there is a difference between calculated risk and gambling. One is understanding the situation that you’re presented with, realizing that in order to achieve some success, you have to leave the protective womb of safety and go out on a limb. Gambling is just blindly hoping that the situation works out without any rhyme or reason. Don’t mix the two up.

What are some risks that you should take? Life presents you with something each day, not all are big risks, here are a couple:

* Go to a Chamber of Commerce meeting and introduce yourself to as many people you can

* Call the CEO of that company you know your services would be perfect for even though everyone has said it’s impossible to get through and she won’t take your call

* Tell your client that he’s wrong and about to make a big mistake

* Train for a marathon

* Ask that attractive accountant on the 3rd floor if she’d like to get some lunch

* Tell your boss what you really think of him and to stick the extra bonus pack of Hershey Kisses you got as a holiday bonus where the sun don’t shine because you’re starting your own company.

Okay that last one is a joke, but maybe it’s not. Risk is something that can be scary or just makes you hesitate. If you follow your daily life and if you don’t change your behavior you’re just hoping for something to change.

Don’t just hope - risk a little, gain a lot.

Six years ago, I walked away from my stifling corporate job as an Administrative Recruiter to honor my deep desire. Knowing that it was time to live God’s purpose full-time. I began putting together a Professional Speaking Coaching business that would one day become a world-class speaking and training institute. About three years into building my business, it was time to make the transition into speaking, my true gift, as my major income stream. In preparation for this I was doing market research on other speakers and professional coaches.

As I read website after website, it became evident that they were all saying the same things. We were using the same words to describe our work and the outcomes we delivered. I took a deep breath and realized I had gone as far as I could without having the clarity and walking in the knowing of what made me unique as a speaker and coach. I asked God, “God, what makes me different than the others you have called to similar work?”

The next voice I heard was not my own. This voice came from within my spirit and said, “I have put all of the answers within my children and they are not being obedient. Your job is to help them be obedient to my call. If they will heed my call, the world will be transformed.” I then saw images of famine, starving children, homelessness, poverty, and inner city crime flash through my mind. Then the voice of God continued by saying, “I have put the answers to all of the world’s problems in my children, if only they will be obedient. Your job is to help my children be obedient.” From that day on, my fear disappeared and I deeply and profoundly understood my specific calling and purpose in this world. I have been fearlessly heeding God’s call to be a catalyst to guide God’s children in full obedience with His call on their lives ever since.

About a year later, I was planning the lesson for the Teen Sunday School class I had taught for years at First AME Church in Seattle, Washington. I was preparing a lesson on fear, and as I was reading the Word about fear I noticed it was used in several different contexts. I needed a deeper understanding to be able to teach my students. I then asked The Lord, “I have read your Word and I am not clear about fear. Please reveal to me the truth about fear.” In just moments, my reply came and said, “Fear is the lack of surrender or submission to God.”

Wow! What!? I applied that definition and re-read the passages in the Word about fear and it fit! That was it! Fear is the lack of surrender or submission to God. I have been teaching it ever since and it has fit for everyone I have shared it with. Did you get it? This is the truth about fear. It is so important that you understand this; it is the cornerstone of this course. Here it is again…

Fear is the lack of surrender or submission to God.

There are institutes, classes, workshops, and books solely dedicated to the topic of fear. Once you understand the truth about fear, you can get on with the business of bringing forth the incredible vision that God has planted in you.

To move forward, you must also understand what fear is not - it is not False Evidence Appearing Real. This is the definition of fear I have seen over and over again and it is not fully accurate. I felt like I would scream if I saw this definition in another book or heard another speaker refer to it.

You must understand the spiritual nature of fear and use spiritual tools, or tools from God, to guide your way through fear. Fear is not something just in your mind. Fear is not just doubt or your negative thoughts. Fear is a spiritual issue and simply cannot be reckoned with in your mind, your will, or your ego.

You may have been taught that fear is your enemy and you can fight it. You may have believed until now that you can affirm or attempt to overcome your fear with positive self-talk and cute affirmations posted on your bathroom mirror. You cannot ever affirm your way out of fear. Affirmations will help for a minute, but your fear will come up again shortly and take hold of you.

Perhaps you have been trying to push or move forward in spite of your fear. Fear is the way you can monitor the spiritual doors through which darkness enters your thoughts, habits, and life. Fear illuminates the areas of your life in which you do not believe God will provide for you. The opposite of fear is faith. Fear and faith cannot co-exist. You have to choose one or the other. Once you believe God for that particular thing you feared before, it no longer has a stronghold on you and the spirit of fear will find somewhere else to reside. Removing fear from your life is the doorway to your will and God’s will for your life and business becoming one.

Being intimate with someone you care about is exciting. Sometimes, too much excitement causes a man to ejaculate prematurely, leaving the woman feeling unsatisfied.

Premature ejaculation is quite embarrassing for males but also normal for those not much experienced. As the person grows older, controlling ejaculation is mastered and they are able to say goodbye to these embarrassing episodes. On the other hand, there are cases when the premature ejaculation happens during the adult years.

If you are one of these adults who always suffer from premature ejaculation, you might feel quite depressed and fearful of intimacy. It is understandable, of course, that after every premature ejaculation episode, your self-confidence suffers. If the condition is not addressed, you could end up feeling depressed. On top of that, each sexual encounter will no longer be exciting but frightening.

The fear of not being to control ejaculation can even lead to erectile dysfunction or impotence. Some would choose to masturbate instead to relive sexual tension and refuse to be in an intimate relationship.

Before things become worse for you, you should first admit that you have a problem and seek help. For starters, you and your partner can try several techniques to delay ejaculation. You can also try to learn some calming techniques that could help lessen the level of excitement during sex. If your premature ejaculation has psychological causes, there are psychiatrists that could help you confront these issues. There have been cases that the premature ejaculation is linked with control issues.

Since anxiety and stress may play important roles in premature ejaculation, your psychiatrist can work with you to map out an effective plan to manage them. Counseling and medication may be included in the treatment plan. Of course, all these could be quite costly especially if your condition requires prolonged treatment.

For faster results at lower costs, hypnotherapy is known to be quite effective in treating phobias, fears, addictions and other stress-related disorders. It would basically involve suggestions and triggers to your subconscious, which is considered to be very receptive to behavioral alteration. Depending on your condition, it could take as long as five to eight sessions with a qualified hypnotist before your problems with premature ejaculation can be cured.

Premature ejaculation is a problem that can continually be embarrassing if nit treated or managed well. You would be glad you considered therapy once you find yourself in a sexually-satisfying relationship.

How many times has some one asked you “how’s life?” Though this may sound like a rhetorical question, but in some cases it should be asked. Believe it or not, many folks struggle with everyday life. Perhaps you might ask yourself why. For starters, there are many possible reasons. Their anguish could concern a death in the family, a difficult separation, or possibly even the stresses of daily life. Apart from of the cause, the affliction should be treated immediately. This is the reason why depression support groups are so accessible in recent times. It’s time to take life by the horns again, and get a grip on your somber emotions. Life is just too short to be wasted being miserable.

Have you ever attended any depression support groups? These sure aren’t anything to be ashamed of. In today’s newer generations, we can see our children are being faced with increasingly problems that may result in them being dejected or feeling alone. The answer to banishing this dilemma is through depression support groups. With the power of dialogue and understanding together, depression can certainly be dealt with. Back in the day when I was in high school, one of my dear friends suffered from severe depression after her mother died. Who could blame the girl? Sure this kind of tragedy can indeed affect one’s childhood. At first she began to sleep a lot, and even avoided going to school as much as possible. Later on she took to drugs and drinking. At the end her parents checked into depression support groups and sought her help. After a while she was able to deal with her tragedy and move ahead. Although we obviously can’t forget something so devastating, we can still look forward to living a wonderful life. It’s all about dealing with it properly.

A word of advice, you may want to look into depression support groups especially if someone you know is withdrawn from society and family. There are signs to watch for concern, these include sleeping all the time, not eating, nor wanting to leave the house, and even drinking or drug use. The above are all common signs of depression. If you have a child that fits that description, then it’s time to consider depression support groups to be of assistance. Hop online and find depression support groups in your local area. The key here is getting assistance in time. There certainly is no time to waste. With the power of the World-Wide-Web at your very fingertips, you can get help for depression right now, and get back the life you can’t live without!

Why do people go to a spa? They go to loose weight or they go to relieve stress. But what does everybody who goes to a spa have in common? They all go to be pampered. They go to have some time that is there own. When you go to a spa you are getting away from it all for a little while. There are many ways to be pampered while you are there.

There is the massage, be it sports, deep tissue, Swedish or one of the other types available at the spa. While it is true massage helps relieve stress, reduce toxins, and allows your joints to maintain flexibility amongst other things there is also the added benefit of feeling like a queen. Aside from you physical toxins that get worked away there is also the mental dimension that gets taken care of in the process.

Then there is the facial which is a deep cleansing of the face. Your skin is exfoliated and it feels smooth and is tighter but the feeling of having some care being focused on you, not to mention the way you look after a facial can only be described as pampered. You feel like you are renewed. This can be symbolic, in a way, as you are washing your mind and stimulating yourself.

You can get a manicure or a pedicure at a spa. It is different from your regular visit to the local nail salon. At the spa there are trained and well paid technicians who would help you select a color, apply the polish without chips or bubbles and be courteous throughout the whole experience. If you are looking for great service then a manicure or pedicure at a spa will give it that extra special feeling of being treated well.

If the spa you are visiting offers it, you could go for a body wrap. The body wrap works by having the body wrapped in a formula of oils, fragrances or herb or minerals. These formulas are different and are designed to pull toxins out of the body and to absorb them. The wrap helps push the body together so that if there are any gaps between the tissue in your body, they would be decreased. Some wraps may help with weight loss. Body wraps make you feel taken care of. It can be a good thing to have just before a massage.

Arrive early for your spa day, so you can get the best out of everything. If you start early you will start the day on a slower pace and that will help you relax through your various treatments. After your spa treatment you will feel much more relaxed and ready to pick up where ever you left off. You will have more energy to be with your family, get back to work or even go out with your friends.

Living with social anxiety doesn’t just affect the person who has social anxiety disorder - it can affect their loved one’s as well. If you have a friend or family member who you believe has social anxiety, you can support them in a way that helps them deal effectively with the disorder.

Start by discussing the problem with your loved one - in private. This is not an intervention, and should not be handled as a confrontation of any kind. Just have a non-threatening, non-judgmental conversation about what is going on with the person. If the person already knows that they have social anxiety this will be a much easier conversation. However, if they have never been diagnosed, or discovered for themselves that they have social anxiety, this conversation can be quite difficult. It is important that you not push too hard.

You can suggest professional help, but you cannot force it - or even try to force it. The decision to seek professional help for social anxiety is a personal decision that must be made by the individual, without outside pressure. If your loved one does not feel that they need professional assistance, do some research, and find alternative personal treatments that will help, and suggest these to your loved one. Help them practice the techniques. Again, don’t push.

Gently encourage your loved one to attend social functions with you. Take them shopping, invite them to a party, or a small gathering. Do not be surprised if they decline the invitation. You can gently encourage them to attend, ensuring them that you will be there with them, and for them, but -again - don’t push. If they do agree to attend, work out something with them in advance.

Have them tell you what happens to them when the fear begins. Learn to recognize the signs, or work out a signal with your loved one. When the fear begins, your job is to come to their rescue, and take them out of the situation - even if it is only a temporary removal to the restroom or outside. Make sure that you are available for the rescue. If you promise your loved one that you won’t let them out of your sight at the social event, live up to that promise. Simply looking around, and seeing that you are not there can trigger the fear, and you will have a very hard time getting them to attend another social function with you.

While you must deal with your loved one’s social anxiety gently, you cannot patronize them. If you do not have social anxiety, you really cannot ever fully understand what they are going through. You cannot fix their problem. They are not your ‘project.’ All you can do is lend support when it is needed, and otherwise, treat the person as you normally would. People who have social anxiety already worry that people are judging them - they don’t need to feel as though their loved one’s are judging them as well.

Gary Miller is the author of “Prisoners of Our Thoughts: How to break free from the grips of Social Anxiety and Fear.” To learn more about the book click here to go to the website at .social-anxiety-cure.com.

In the Bible, we are admonished to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” I contend we generally love our neighbor far more than we do ourselves because I know very well we would not inflict on our neighbor the handicapping conduct we frequently impose on ourselves.

For instance, let us assume you have a neighbor who is in trouble. Things are not going well at home. He is having financial difficulties, is worried about his job, and in desperation he comes to you for some advice. Let’s say that after careful consideration of his case you go to your neighbor with a program somewhat as follows:

* Get up in the morning and start thinking about yourself right away.

* Let the same old troubled thoughts race through your mind unchallenged.

* Blow your top if things don’t go just right at home.

* Let highway and other traveling conditions get your goat.

* Enter your office with a grouch instead of a smile.

* Spend more than you earn.

* Be quick to criticize and slow to praise. Get easily upset and annoyed.

* Put off until tomorrow things that should be done today.

* Let yourself get out of condition mentally and physically.

* Stew and fret over business and financial matters.

* Finally, take a fed-up attitude toward life and fill yourself with discontent, moodiness, fear, worry and strain.

While such a program may seem a bit farfetched, I have known many people not too far removed from it. However, the point I wish to make is that we would not think of recommending such a course to a neighbor in trouble.

Then why saddle ourselves with anything of the kind?

Here is a much better plan, not only for a troubled neighbor but for one’s self as well. This is a “Be Kind to Yourself” proposition, which anyone can use to great advantage.

Simply get up each morning and firmly declare:

I will:

* Be my own best friend instead of my own worst enemy today.

* Refuse to let troubled thoughts race through my mind today.

* Let my family know that I love them today.

* Go forth to give and not to get today.

* Be careful and courteous on the highways today.

* Remain poised if things go wrong today.

* Make my firm glad they have me on the payroll today.

* Be quick to praise and slow to condemn today.

* Forget the past and have confidence in the future today.

* Waste no time or money today.

* Indulge in no harmful habits today.

* Be not anxious or afraid today.

* Finally, live today as though it were my last day on earth and try to conduct myself accordingly.

With love in our hearts, we would recommend this type of program to a distressed neighbor. With intelligent self-interest (not selfishness) in our minds, we should sell this kind of daily program to ourselves. If we want to get a good result out of life, we must forsake doing those things which produce bad results. It is as simple as that. Though it takes practice, it can be done. I know from personal experience that it can.

Real Magic: Beyond Harry Potter

Harry Potter has been all over the news these days, due to the launch of the 7th Harry Potter book and the 5th Harry Potter movie. It’s certainly no accident that the 5th movie “Order of the Phoenix” came out a week before the 7th book “Deathly Hallows”.

It seems to have been such a great success, and has worked all the Harry Potter fans into a frenzy!

There is even a lot of controversy from fundamentalist Christian groups around the fact that these books & movies promote witchcraft and sorcery.

Unfortunately, in my opinion, the Harry Potter series doesn’t nearly do justice to promoting witchcraft and sorcery. It is after-all fiction, and the aspects of using magic are highly over-dramatized compared to the results of REAL witchcraft and sorcery.

However, the concerns are founded, as many of these Harry Potter fans will and probably are seeking out the real forms of magic use. I think this is a great thing, as much of the fear of witchcraft is based on ignorance, and not the truth of what it really is.

Modern day REAL witches and Sorcerers are people who generally embrace multiculturalism and seek to learn answers to their spiritual questions where-ever answers can be found. These days there are also plenty of New Age spiritualists to learn from that are skilled in witchcraft, yoga, meditation, and psychology.

There is also a growing trend outside of the Harry Potter movement that is cluing into what is called the “Law of Attraction”. This “Law of Attraction” when understood and implemented correctly, is definitely a form of magic in my books.

What probably comes absolutely closest in the real world to Harry Potter style magic, is psychic ability. There are psychics all over the world, and it is known to be a skill that can be learned by anyone who studies it diligently. Yes, you are psychic too, although you may not have tapped into your psychic abilities yet.

Many of the psychics today can be found practicing various forms of meditation, yoga, shamanism, and other types of pagan religions.

I must admit that I am glad to see a resurgence of paganism and wisdom of other religions. I think the future holds a fusion hybrid understanding of how the world works, and a greater ability for humans to tap into their psychic ability due to the understandings that each world culture has contributed.

I’m hoping that all those Harry Potter fans will seek to attain magical abilities themselves, and in doing so help to positively change the world with their newfound powers. So I choose to celebrate the Harry Potter movies, the 7 Harry Potter books, and I encourage Harry Potter fans to continue their quest for knowledge, wisdom, and Magic beyond fiction.

One’s attitude has a lot more to do with the level of her/his success than one’s aptitude, ability, IQ, education or other factors do. I’d like to get into the details of a salesperson’s psychology so that, when it comes to building your team and individual team members, you are equipped with the knowledge of what’s really going on in there. As a holder of a management or other sort of leadership position, you may have already experienced being a salesperson yourself. However, it never hurts to review and be reminded of what it’s like to “carry the bag.” I also want to emphasize the mental game because so many companies focus on external things, like product knowledge, licensing, etc. And while these things are all important, companies that focus on such externalities often neglect the cultivation of their salespeople’s proper mindset. I’ve always found this selling mentality ironic, because it’s what’s going on in the inside that will most dramatically affect sales.

A direct relationship exists between self-image and sales performance. If you don’t already, try to get a handle on how your reps perceive themselves. What kind of self-talk plays in their brains all day long? You and your team will never experience exponential success if it is not something they can mentally conceive of first. And the major precursor to vivid envisioning of success in the workplace is vivid envisioning of success in oneself and one’s abilities. How can you, as a sales manager, cultivate healthy, solid self-confidence and self-belief? One of the easiest ways to do so is to offer sincere praise. Ra1ph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man is entitled to be valued by his best moments.” There is no need to fear that you will create an egomaniac by giving someone simple but honest praise and appreciation for good, hard work.

Often, it is more effective to praise the specific act rather than the person. This way, your praise is attached to something distinct and concrete. Praise is harder to be interpreted as flattery or favoritism when there is a specific and concrete thing being praised. General compliments may produce a temporary effect, but they can incite jealousy in others and create even more insecurity in the recipient if the specific activity that merited the compliment remains unknown.

Then there is a new pressure to live up to this higher standard, even though the praised individual is not sure how s/he set it. Even more insecurity is bred if the praised individual fears you will retract your praise. That’s because in not knowing concretely how s/he earned it, s/he doesn’t know how to keep it. One single person feeling this kind of anxiety or insecurity can really cause your entire teambuilding effort to backfire. Have you ever witnessed (or experienced) coworkers who huddled together to complain after a “pep rally” with the boss? Instead of feeling inspired and motivated, all they could do was gripe. Unfortunately, it only takes one person’s bad attitude to drag down the rest.

We know that when a specific behavior is praised, that behavior will increase. At a small college in Virginia, 24 students in a psychology course decided to see whether they could use compliments to change the way women on campus dressed. For a while, they complimented all the female students who were wearing blue. The percentage of the female student population wearing blue then rose from 25 percent to 38 percent. The researchers then switched to complimenting any woman who wore red. This shift in the color being praised caused the appearance of red on campus to double from 11 percent to 22 percent. Praise is a simple but often overlooked concept. If you want to use this technique to your best advantage, be sure you give honest and sincere praise.

Closely related to praise is acceptance. We all long for acceptance. We want to feel like our actions and contributions help an effort or cause. We all want to be noticed by others. We also all want to be someone of significance who is held in high regard. Knowledge of this common craving from acceptance can help you motivate your team. If you can make them feel that their help is appreciated, that they are personally accepted and that their contributions are essential, they will be more inspired to perform.

When your team members feel accepted unconditionally, with no strings attached, their doubts, fears and inadequacies will go out the window. One way to make your team feel accepted is to offer them genuine thanks. Seek to make a conscientious and deliberate effort to thank people in all aspects of your professional life. Don’t assume your team members know you care about and appreciate them. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that a paycheck is thanks enough. One of the main reasons why people are dissatisfied with their sales job is because they are never thanked or given any recognition for their efforts.

Often, individuals increase their feelings of acceptance by building their association with certain people, places or things. This sense of identification has been referred to as the Social Identity Theory. For example, a sports fan may enhance his sense of belonging by plastering his walls with his favorite team’s sports paraphernalia. Even though no one on that team has any clue who he is, he feels better about himself anyway, just because of the association and identity he has created for himself with that team.

Are there ways in which you can use the Social Identity Theory to your advantage? Think of ways to create strong team association. These methods should be things that are unique to the team and that help team members individually feel like they are “insiders.” Maybe your team needs a mascot, a mission statement or even a theme song. I once knew a sales team that played the theme music from Rocky over the loud speaker every time someone closed a sale. Things like this might seem silly, but they really build team spirit and morale. If you worry that things like this will be distracting or disruptive to your particular workplace, look for ways to adapt. The energy that grows from each team member feeling accepted is worth the effort.

Oozing with confidence is not something that comes naturally to everyone; however it is something that everyone can acquire. I have listed some tips below for all those of you that want to get a little more confidence when it is needed. Follow one, two or all of them and watch your confidence start to grow.

1. Think fitness and health… Healthy body, healthy mind! Keeping yourself fit and healthy will keep you feeling happy and confident. Eating the right things at the right times will certainly help you to feel the way that you want to feel. It is great for your waistline too, which is ultimately good for your confidence also.

2. Mind your inner talk… What you think about yourself is so important with regards to the way that you feel and just how confident you are. Don’t rubbish yourself in any way when you are thinking or talking about yourself. Say things like ‘I would love to learn how to do that’ instead of saying ‘I can’t do it’.

3. Create a new you… A change in appearance can always help to boost your confidence and make you feel great. The way that you dress, act and look is part of your communication to the world around you. If you look and feel fantastic then that’s how others will see you too!

4. Change career… You may find that your current job is causing you a lack of confidence. If this is so then grab hold of the fact that you set the limit on what is impossible. This means that if you want to find a new job then you can choose to be whatever you want to be. Sure it might take a bit of work, but if you really want it then, isn’t it worth the effort?

5. What is so good about you..? Make yourself a list of all of your good points. Are you a good listener, advice giver, hard worker or good friend? List down all of your achievements &ndash things that may have happened in your education, your career or your social and family life.

6. Make new friends… Surround yourself with positive friends that encourage the best in you. Happiness and positive attitudes are contagious, so by surrounding yourself with confidently happy people you will feel more confident too.

I really hope that this article has been of some help to you and has given you some ideas to go away and actually use to build your confidence.